FH, maybe this question in unanswerable as I already asked my pastor and he couldn't give me a straight answer. Based on the character of God, why would He bless my WH and OW with a healthy baby boy OC? My own DS became disabled at age 7 months. He was my H's only son. I always thought children were blessings directly from God, but then when there is an OC wouldn't that mean that God is endorsing infidelity? Since I know God hates divorce and adultery is a sin...where does the OC come in? I need to some how let go of my rage toward OW and find forgiveness. I think one of the reasons I have held so tightly and stubbornly to my M is I don't want my H to share the pleasures of this child with OW. I want them to hurt over this as badly as I do. Not a very Christ like attitude is it? I am hanging on to my sanity by a very thin thread. I have trouble praying these days. I still feel God in my life but can't seem to embrace my faith. I am hoping for some help here.

Faithful...

The questions you ask I have often thought of before. This is my thoughts...

Children are born as a result of infidelity all the time.
Children are born out of wedlock all the time.
God does not endorse this. Unfortunately the children do not grow as healthily as those that are born into families that are married. There won't be a bond that is usually there natuarally and spiritually with the child from the parents of infidelity, and parents that are out of wedlock, unless forgiveness and repentance is sought.

Children of divorce struggle so much...that is why God hates divorce, it breaks the vows, family love, and unity that God intended.

I don't know if this helps you understand a little better but just a few of the thoughts I have pondered on.

Lady

God understands this as well. Pray as best as you can, read as much as you can, even if it's a little.

And the very best thing to do is let your brothers and sister do the praying for you. Call on your church to pray for you. Find all the prayer sites on line that you can find, and ask everyone on them to pray for you and family.



Huggs,
Lady

Faithful
I don't have the answers you are looking for and I truly pray others can help you. One thought I did have is that our Pastor has been talking about how Satan can attack us and one of the ways is through our mind. That Satan knows right where to attack us. Maybe Satan is using the OC to and these doubts to build up the rage you are feeling. Through the things I have gone through its when I don't feel like praying, that is when I must pray. What better way for Satan to succeed then to get you slowly drifting away from God by encouraging you not to pray.

Sometimes we don't know they why's or how comes and for me that is very difficult. I find I deal better when I have those answers. We have to have faith and stand on that during these times whether these things are seen, unseen, understood or not understood.

You are a very special person Faithfull I have watched you stuggle and triumph and you have given me encouragement and strength through your postings. Keep believing.

My favorite verse is Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

I can understand that. My older DS was born out of wedlock. My stbx has really been the only true father my son has had. I thought initially this D was the result of my H wanting to be a dad to OC. But really I don't think he will. He will do the minimum for OC like he does for our children. Yes, which is why I have fought so hard to not break up our family. Thank you, LS for your kind response.

You are very likely right, bjs. A way to separate me from the Father even further. Me too, I have always been one to need to know "why". I guess I just have to trust Him. Thanks so much for your response and encouragement. I love that verse too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Faithful follower,
I can only say that you don't know God's plans for OC. You don't know God's plans yet for your DS. Why must any of us suffer? It brings us closer to God, it refines us, strenghthens us, teaches us empathy. I just cannot recommend highly enough to you the daily devotional "Streams in the Desert" if you don't already have it. It's all about how God strengthens us by hardship, brings us closer to Him to teach us His ways and His love and His comfort and His mercy.
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James 1:12-18
God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires. These evil desires lead to evil actions, and evil actions lead to death. So don't be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.

Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven's lights. Unlike them, he never changes or casts shifting shadows. In his goodness he chose to make us his own children by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his choice possession.
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Job 37:5 God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.
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Job 36:
5 "God is mighty, but does not despise men; he is mighty, and firm in his purpose.

6 He does not keep the wicked alive but gives the afflicted their rights.

7 He does not take his eyes off the righteous; he enthrones them with kings and exalts them forever.

8 But if men are bound in chains, held fast by cords of affliction,

9 he tells them what they have done— that they have sinned arrogantly.

10 He makes them listen to correction and commands them to repent of their evil.

11 If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

12 But if they do not listen, they will perish by the sword and die without knowledge.

13 "The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry for help.
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Psalm 139:
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.
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What's my point? We just can't and don't know God's ways. We just don't have the crystal ball, we don't see the future, we just can't know... but that is where faith tells us there is a reason.

Mrs Stowaway, I know you have an OC in your life. How are you dealing with the pain of knowing your H made a child with OW? Thank you for the scripture. I do understand that I don't know God's plan for my DS and yes for OC. I don't blame OC, he is just an innocent baby but I do blame OW and her evil scheming ways. I struggle with the ability to forgive her and perhaps won't be able to until my D.

Dear Faithful,

I will try to answer.


God loves us all,You,DS,WH,OW and OC.
It's not about you.
We were all created for a purpose.
Each with our own gifts.

The child has not sinned.
God has a purpose for this child.

God is not endorsing sin. He does forgive our sins,but forgiveness does not take away the consequences of sin.
I am reminded of David and Bathsheba and their child.

I feel the anger in your words.

I know you need God's help to forgive and heal your heart.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Chist has forgiven you.

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

With love and prayer,
VTY

All things work together for the good of those who love God.

FF, I deal with it by knowing that God has a plan for all of us. I DON'T understand it all right now. I know that someday, in His timing, in His ways, it will all come together and we'll look back and say "What a cool God thing" - right now though, it's hard to understand. I know OW got pg on purpose. I'm 99% certain of that. Things haven't worked out the way she planned. She didn't expect NC, I'm sure. She claims to be going thru her own divorce. I'm sure it's all been very hard for her. The consequences of sin are hard.

I forgive her for the choices she's made, she didn't ask to be this screwed up. I know that God will meet her where she is, and I just pray for that. She doesn't understand God's love for her, or anyone. Evil scheming ways doesn't even begin to describe the OW in our sitch. But it's all she knows, and maybe all she will ever know. Even to me, I know she attributes the most selfish, manipulative motive to anything I have ever said or done. She quite simply has never been exposed to anything different. She doesn't know unconditional love, selflessness, or what it is for someone to truly do something for you out of the "goodness of their heart." What a resentful, bitter, miserable existence she leads and will lead unless she learns new ways. So I don't hate her for what she did, it was very immature, selfish, ignorant, and I'm sure she realizes now a big mistake to get involved with a married man. Indeed, ensnare him with her "victim" lines which worked like such a charm on him. But again, for all her manipulation, that implies some understanding of her own motives and self-awareness that I simply don't really see evidence of.

Forgiveness isn't for the OW's benefit, it's for mine. I will not allow a spirit of dis-ease, resentment, anger, bitterness, hurt, and self-pity to swallow me up, turn me against God, and make me less of a mother and wife because I am no longer the person I used to be. I have tried my hardest with God's help to allow this entire experience to shape me into the woman God wants me to be - with greater understanding and peace than I had before. That which doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger.

That being said, we are in recovery. I don't know how angry I would be at OW if they were together, or even if they weren't if we had ended up D because of her. We came close to it, but I never really held it against her, it was two very needy people, addicted to their feelings, misguided, rationalizing everything they were doing and ignoring everyone they were hurting... it's certainly easier to forgive & recover when your FWS is sorry. But nothing close to a real apology from OW, she still tries to interfere all the time. She is like a shark, circling our family, ready to attack at any time. She uses all kinds of things to justify that behavior in her own mind. That could make me angry if I let it, but God is bigger than OW, bigger than the pain we all feel from this tragic situation. Hope that helps...?

MSA

You truly have a healthy perspective. Yes, helps some. Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

dear faithful follower,

your story reminds me of the words of our Lord during the time he was with us on earth. (I am coming from memory, forgive me for the paraphrase.)

his friends saw a blind man and asked him "Lord, whose sin caused his blindness? Did he do it? Or did his parents do it?"

Our Lord answered "This man's blindness did not come about because of his sin or his parent's sin. It came about so that the power of God would be manifested in his life".

And then our Lord healed him.

I believe our Lord was demonstrating for us the path to follow. Obviously we cannot perform miracles, but we can be merciful to all people no matter what sin situation they're in.

Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. -Samuel Johnson

chasid, that happens to be one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It serves always to remind me that my DS has a purpose to remind people of God's love and mercy. Thank you.

I'm kiddie-watching today for Neak, which doesn't exactly lend itself to deep spiritual meditation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, so I can't really try to tackle this for you right now. There is an answer, though--even a "straight" one--that can be seen and understood, I believe, by the eye of faith.

In the meantime, let me assure you that you are one in a long line of people who have wrestled with this very issue. Go to Psalm 73:1-17, and read how King David struggled with his envy at the wicked, who seemed to have everything going for them, while he tried to do good, only to be "plagued" and "chastened" for his efforts. His understanding and acceptance came when he "went into the sanctuary of God," where he "understood...their end." The sanctuary service tells the story. It contains your answer, and it promises you that your best days are still ahead (and your DS's, too). According to the Bible, for your WS and his mistress, however, unless they repent, turn away from their sins, and are forgiven, these are the best days they'll ever have. It's hard to see the glory of the future, though, while bogged down in the pain of now...but you're still farther ahead than they are, or can ever hope to be, while they continue in the course they have chosen.

The Dervish is frighteningly silent. I must go and investigate. If you want to chew on this subject more later, I'd be happy to do so, since I've tangled with this sort of jealousy myself over and over again during my life, even if it was not for the same reason.

t&l

t&l, I see a lightbulb coming on. Yes, I will look it up and yes I accept the offer to chew on this further. I think once I tackle this issue in my heart then I can let go of my WH/STBX. I have a feeling these feelings are tied to my inability to let go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I used to question why God would prevent us from making a baby with our bodies, but our childrens' birth mother had 9 (YES NINE) live births ... yet she was unable to raise ~any~ her own children ....

I donno

but what has been revealed to me of late is rather interesting....

our "troubled" child had begun to make something of himself ... he's going into the medical field, and our youngest is thinking of a career as a counselor .... Mr Pep and I are raising 2 of that heroin addict's children that may go out into the world and help others .... seems there is some sort of a bigger need than the one I see for myself .... I raise them and perhaps they will bring some light into the world ...

well .... OC may bring a light as well ... it is not for us to know ... but, we do wonder what this all means, our trials and struggling ...

PS

I think it was courageous for you to bring this subject up !

good job!

Hi FF,

I am sorry for your pain... it's so palpable in your posting. (((((FF))))

I also have a child with disabilities. He wasn't breathing when he was born.

Why did it happen to him?

I have two healthy daughters. Did they do something right, well my son did something wrong?

This afternoon I saw a commercial for a sick children's hospital in our area. I looked at one child who has been in chemotherapy since she was two years old. What did she do to deserve that? Was it her parents? I cried for her.

I know these questions are difficult. I know how it feels to question God. I've done it myself, especially when my son tried to hang himself (at 8 years old). So much pain...

Dear, if you find the answers, please let me know. I've been asking for a long, long time. The best I can come up with is that "things happen"...

God doesn't cause it, God doesn't condone it, it just is.

PS: My son is 21 years old this month and a joy to behold! Just wanted to add that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nine children? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I thought OW was bad enough with five <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She only has custody of two plus OC. Thank you for pointing out what good your two born of sorrowful circumstances are doing for the world. Perhaps God takes this sin and creates something wonderful of it like in Romans 8:28

new, congratulations on your DS's birthday. My DS is 7 and very much a blessing in my life. He is the reason I became a baptized believer. The only thing I hold onto with my DS is knowing that someday he will be made whole. I want so to hear his voice speak to me. {{new}} MB hugs to you and thanks for posting.