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I have a three part question for all of you:
1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? (YES, NO)
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
(Weeks, Months, Years,)
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
(Weeks, Months, Years,)
Please keep it real...
Most of you know me and my sitch.... God bless all of you for your help....
Dazed
Last edited by dazednconfusedks; 11/14/05 08:04 PM.
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1. Recovered.
2.Much longer than you may want to know. Several false recoveries and an additional A prior to entering true recovery.
Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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1. recovered
2. got into recovery mode pretty quick after I found out about the affair
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? (YES, NO) So far!
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
(Weeks, Months, Years,) True recovery (after several false recoveries) was almost two and a half years from D-Day.
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
(Weeks, Months, Years,) 6 months (while I was deployed for 9/11...but it was detected early by relative and friends, who got the goods on the affair for when I got back)
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair?
Yes
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
About... 3 years? More or less untill all the truth my FWH was hiding came out. Recovery was impossible without all the info out in the open for me.
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
The affair was an ONS, but I didnt know the whole story and that it was an actual ONS for 3 years.
Someone throw me a map already!
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair?
Yes
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
True recovery - about 15 months
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
The A was over for 3 months before my H found out.
Jen
(FWW - 2 years past D-Day)
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1. Yes!!!
2. 2.5 yrs./ D-Day 12-21-02, Separated 1-03, Divorced 11-04, Recovery began 5-05
3. 6 mos.
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair?
We are well into recovery mode!!!
Did you recover? Yep - i would say we are 95% there, with a bit of personal recovery left for each of us
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
I was in recovery mode immediately after d-day (I was the WS). It took 8 months for us to REALLY start recovery...at 6 months H left me for OW hoping to start over life without me due to the pain I caused him with my A...he came back at about 7.5 months post my d-day(gone a month or so) When he came back he finally knew he wanted the marriage too and recovery started.
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
My affair was only 2 months...and it went undetected for most of that time except H had a feeling something was going on..and towards the end checked into it and caught me. I was aware of the EA with H's but he had me convinced she had told him off and it was over, until he asked me for the seperation, and told me he wasn't talking to her, but by then I knew better...he thought I never knew - but I knew...
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1) Yes
2) I felt recovery at 3 months when I destroyed my "anger journal". Also, the progress Undo and I have made has her IC very convinced we are going to be fine.
3) Affair lasted 3 months, one night a week. She left him because reality smacked her in the face and she realized he wasn't worth loosing the love of her life.
I recently said "I forgive you" and my IC felt I was (strangely) ready. He usually doesn't suggest it so soon, but in my case he felt different. Undo has not forgiven herself and her IC said that could take a while, but she has made a lot of discoveries about herself and her past and I know she'll get there.
Overall, we have made great progress and we're thrilled to have a fresh feeling about our marriage. I wish it could have been in a different way, but this truly was a wake-up call to both of us that we needed help. The sadness still comes occasionally, but I no longer feel anger and only feel lucky to be with the greatest woman in the world.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? YES
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day? 6 months recovery, 14 months counseling was being wrapped up, 2.5 years marriage still going well
3) How long did the affair go undetected? multiple affairs over 2.5 years
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? (YES, NO)
Yes we have, but I think that you need to understand that 'recovery' might mean different things depending on who you talk to and what the underlying problems were.
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
(Weeks, Months, Years,)
Well do you really want to know? It took almost 4 years, but once we got to that point things really opened up.
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
(Weeks, Months, Years,)
Hmmm...7 months
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Thank you all for the information.
I think all of us BS's want to learn more about this affair beast. Anything that can help us understand and fighting for our loved ones fight smarter.
Last edited by dazednconfusedks; 11/15/05 05:22 PM.
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1. Yes
2. 3 years or so as there was continued contact, in the latter years soley by OW, but FWH would talk to her
3. Not entirely sure, but at least a year. EA for 6-9 months minimum before full PA
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Yes, we seem to be in recovery mode.
Do you ever "recover"?
5 months, then our son was injured and her mother passed, kind of pushed us into the recovery mode.
3 years. Long distance...he would fly in for sexual holidays while I was at work.
I had no clue.
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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I have a three part question for all of you:
1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? (YES, NO) We did. We are completely recovered. Granted, there are still things that pop up every so often but not from the standpoint of us still having issues with the A’s. I think there will always be things that remind us of the A’s. They are part of who we are now, individually and as a couple. 2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day?
(Weeks, Months, Years,) It was a long road. Not as long as some here but it took about a year and a half to actually get on the same page. 3) How long did the affair go undetected?
(Weeks, Months, Years,) Her first A was in 99. It was short, less than a month or so. I found out about this one after I found out about the 2nd one. It was over 2 years before D-Day. Her second was in 2002-2003. Was a REALLY strong EA and eventually a PA. I found out about the 2nd one July 27, 2002. By this point it had been going on for 4-5 months, depending on when friendship crosses the line to EA. There was no sex until May of 2003….after we separated when she discovered my A. Looking back I would have to say I crossed into EA territory sometime in October of 2002. November was the month I became pretty fogged up. It went PA last couple weeks of November and beginning of December. My A ended Mid-December. My wife discovered the A in April 2003. God Bless, Doug
Last edited by d_rose; 11/17/05 09:39 AM.
in His grip and holding on.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I was intended to be.
-- (the late)Douglas Adams
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1. Yes, we're 'in recovery' now...IMHO. My wife feels we're fully recovered, but I'm still dealing with personal, individual issues as a result of her EA. But our marriage is strong.
2. Depends on what you call recovery. My wife made the choice to recover our marriage about a month after d-day. BUT...she refused to accept any real blame for what happened for months afterwards, and still wanted to keep OM 'as a friend' for a few months as well. For me, there's no clear set date that we began recovery for real. We continued counseling for over a year after she made the choice to heal our marriage. And we worked on a lot of the issues through out that year. Sorry I can't really be more specific.
3. It's really hard to judge. She 'can't remember' when it got to the "I love you" stage...she thought it was something like 5-6 months when I confronted her, but realized it was more like 2 months or less when we went back and looked at some events that she could coincide with events in her EA. My thought is that the "I love you" phase was about a month and a half or so.
Hope this helps...remember that my case was an online emotional affair...so no physical contact, but the fantasy was a heck of a lot more potent because of that too.
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^BUMP^
let's through into the mix just what type of plan worked for you?
1 )Plan A
2) Plan B
3) or both
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1) How many of you have reached recovery mode in your marriage from an affair? (Please post)
Did you recover? YES
2) How long did it take your marriage to reach the recovery mode from D-Day? 3 month past DD to end contact and to start the recovery process. It took about 18+ months to feel like we were doing decently in recovery.
3) How long did the affair go undetected?
5.5 month EA and then after DD, it lasted 3 more months.
Married 20 yrs at time of affair
DD: 1/16/04
NC: Since 4/14/04
FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months.
MC: For Awhile
Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends.
Progress: Doing very well.
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