Here is my situation. My H had an A 3/05-6/05 then I found out. I was pregnant and had our first child 7/05. He said he wanted to work on our M if I was willing, so he stayed. Things were going pretty good. He was being more attentive and he quit his job where he met the OW. The A officially ended when he quit his job, unfortunately she ended it. We tried MC for a while, but both of us were uncomfortable w/ our counselor and because of money we quit. Since then our communication has dropped. Communication has always been our biggest problem. My H doesn't talk about his feelings, good, bad or otherwise.

Last Tuesday, I finally got him to talk and he said he wants to separate for a while to decide what he wants. He packed his bags on Saturday and is staying with his dad. He keeps flip-flopping on what he wants. One minute he says he wants everything to work out, and then he says he isn't sure if he is in love w/ me anymore. He tells mutual friends that I deserve better (which I do) and that he doesn't think he can fix things (meaning the A) that he screwed up too big this time.

I still love him and want our marriage to work. What should I do? Give him space so he can see what it would be like without me or let him know I am still here and hope he comes home. Currently we are speaking once a day regarding our child or our dog, nothing personal. I have told him that I still love him and hope he comes back, but I am not going to sit around forever waiting on him. Right now we have schedule next Tues. to sit down and talk again.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

rmr, I am sorry you are here, but you came to the right place. The first thing I would suggest is getting your hands on Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley as fast as you can. It is in bookstores and on this website.

Secondly, I would suggest you do some sleuthing because it sounds like your H is still having an affair. He is exhibiting all the classic behaviors of a spouse who is having an affair. Giving him space is a bad idea because it is likely he wants "space" to carry on his affair unimpeded.

Thanks for the suggestion. I am definately not being all trusting. I am spying and have my friends spying also. However a mutual friend did tell me to not worry about the A anymore, he really does just want time to figure out if he wants me or not. This friend said it isn't about the OW. Of course I am still snooping.

Can you hire a PI? Often a WS will even lie to their friends, so it is very possible that the mutual friend has been lied to. It sounds very much like an affair, rmr. And you can't do much until you have ruled that out absolutely.

Interpretation-----> He is still cheating on you and wants to give his "conscious' and "affair" a go.

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