I finally got up the nerve to have a sincere and frank discussion with my best friend to which she said the same thing the guy did, that it was just for fun, but then she showed me the text messages between the two of them last night and here is what I remember:

Her: Hangovers suck, sorry my other friends didn't show up at the bar, but they went to the wrong one.

Him: Sorry about your hangover. Well things happen, everyone had a blast, you did too by the looks of it.

Her: Did my kissing you on the neck bother you? If so I apologize.

Him: No it didn't bother me at all, you seemed to really enjoy yourself. Good Drinks!

Her: I was hammered, but that's what happens when you have drinks before you arrive at the bar. My [censored] is sore because (her husband's best friends name here) grabbed my [censored]. I have a bruise!

Him: Hah! Well at least you have something to remember him by, he was really drunk too and feeling good. Besides you like it rough!

Her: How would you know if I like it rough?!

Him: I have a sense about these things. Do you deny it?

Her: No I don't. Do you like it rough? LOL

Him: It has it's place. I prefer slow easy exploration. I guess it depends on the mood.

Her: I prefer passionate sensual interludes instead of rough actions, but if I'm really into them and I'm very turned on I like to be ravished.

Him: Sounds about right. Do you like to put on a show for your lover?

Her: Yes I do. I like to have extended amounts of foreplay. I like to build the excitement as to heighten arousal and climax. Do you like a show?

Him: I like to receive a show, but I'm not an entertainer in that way. I like to use words to create anticipation and spark desire.

Her: Oh now there is something we have in common. I think articulate sensual wording can lead to a lot of passionate lovemaking.

Him: Yes. I like to say what I'm going to do and how it is going to drive them wild.

There you have it. Just friendly conversation. If he was just trying to be her friend only and harmless flirting, this does not look like harmless flirting to me. It looks as though to me that he is trying to find out what she likes in bed and how she is in bed. *sigh* I'm not sure what to do. This is becoming intolerable even for me to sit back and watch.

Sorry, I am new to you sitch. Is he your H? and is the "her" your friend? Please give me a little more to go on.

Loni

It sounds like she is the one starting this and moving it into a PA. What are you going to do?

A little more background info. Here is the full story of how everything has gone down.

And no he isn't my H. Ok so here goes.

She and her husband have been married for quite some time, back when they were first together they made a mutual friend through her H's company. They use to do everything with this friend but then they moved away and ten years passed and then they moved back to where they live now. Her H incidentally ran into this old friend again and through him found out that he had a band and so he invited them out to watch the band.

First time out I went with them, since I'm newly divorced and in need of some time out. When we arrived it was some little hole in the wall place. A little dive. Mostly full of older teens, young adults, and then us. We walked in and while my friend wasn't noticing I sure did. The guitar player kept staring at my friend all night long. When the first set was over her H took her by the hand and asked me to come out back to meet them all. We did and the guitar player immediately said to my friend "Is that a white zinfadel you're drinking, a beautiful woman with class I see", my friend thought it a tad bit weird but smiled and thanked him politely. We left that night and were invited out to another gathering on the 29th. We did go to that one.

Again another hole in the wall, mostly older adults, again the same thing, he kept staring at her all night long and when he would sing it would be almost as if everyone disappeared in the room and he was singing specifically to her. When the second set was over we decided that we had enough and were ready to leave. Her husband is not a dancer so wouldn't dance with her unless he was really intoxicated and when we were about to leave the guitar player remarked "How come I didn't see you dancing", my friend said "My husband says he has to be intoxicated to dance with me, would you have to be drunk to dance with me", he said "****** no, you're hot", so my friend being somewhat inebriated said to her husband "Hey I'm going to dance with him if you don't dance with me", her husband laughed and said "Here go ahead". The guitar player grabbed her by the hips and they were some what grinding but not exactly. Her husband doesn't seem to care. Then the guitar player whispers in her ear "How come you didn't wear a costume", she said "Had I known it was a costume party I would have worn my nurses uniform", he remarked "You'd of been the hottest nurse in here. There were plenty of women for him to stare at, yet he chose my best friend. We left again that night.

Because we have a lot of connections where we live in the music business, ie my best friend and I, we were trying to get this band some really good gigs instead of them playing in these dives. So my friend had a meeting with the band and her husband decided not to go on this meeting. Upon showing up they were up on stage practicing and she said they then came off stage and sat down. The guitar player got up to go and get himself a drink and returned with a drink for himself and two shots for my friend. My friend is not a huge drinker, takes little to get her buzzed or drunk and she remarked in a joking manner "If you get me drunk you'll have to drive me home", he remarked "Ok no problem, but which home do you want to go to". She laughed it off cause the other three band members, one being her and her husbands friend, were sitting there at the table.

So this brings us up to present and now you know everything. I don't think she initiated anything. He did. He maintains though that this is all "harmless flirting and fun" and he just wants to be friends and not carry it to next level because he isn't in the business of coming between marriages or messing with them. Which I say is BS because he is already overstepping the boundaries and I think really what he is trying to do is get her very comfortable with him and believe him until he makes his move with her. Or he is trying to get her to seduce and pursue him so he can say that he is moral and he didn't pursue her but she did him and that he finally gave in cause she wore him down. You understand a bit more now?

edited: Because I didn't read the whole thread...shame on me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh Lem,

The guy in question is not married, well he is but he isn't. He is going through a divorce. The reason we know this is because he was married to the lead singers (my best friends husbands friend) sister. But he isn't married.

At any rate this guy knows what he is doing and if he has no intention of messing with marriages then can anyone please explain to me what the ****** it is he thinks he is doing by talking to a married woman that way?

lol, read my post edited post above.

Seems to me, that YOU should reconsider your choice of people to associate with...you know the old saying..."birds of a feather......"

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh wait. I'm not like that at all! Period. My best friend has never done anything like this either. I came here to ask for advice about the situation. Not my moral stand. I am a very moral person. My divorce was over him cheating. Not me.

He has WAY overstepped "playful" flirting.

He is playing with fire. He will go down in flames. The only question is whom is going down with him.

Your friends husband needs to know what it going on. It is very inappropriate banter right now. Shine the light (EXPOSE) on this before it goes any further.

The warning lights are flashing and the claxons are wailing. Nip this thing in the bud before it grows.

Your friend my not be happy with you temporarily but you may save her and her husband from a terribly gut wrentching ordeal.

Walkingthefield,

I have tried and begged and pleaded with my friend to just ignore this guy, but because he keeps telling her that he is not trying to do anything with her and that he is just harmlessly flirting with her, she thinks its acceptable and they are doing nothing wrong. I keep telling her that if he was as moral as he is suggesting he is then his "harmless flirting" wouldn't be like that dialogue. I told her that when you kissed him on the neck at the gig that he would have pushed you away and told you that that was inappropiate and told you to behave appropiately or all contact would be cut off and you guys couldn't be friends anymore. He did none of that. I am not necessarily sure what he is trying to do as I'm perplexed by it a bit myself. I don't know if he is trying to get her to be relaxed around him and then try to sneakily get her in the sack because he is again "moral" (sarcasm) or exactly what his game is. It's confusing. I love my friend, I've known her since I was little and I dn't want to see her go through a painful divorce like I did with my three kids. I am trying to figure out what this guy's angle is.

I have just exposed my WW A. I would expose it. This OM is playing her and before she knows it she will be in fogland and believe me the fog does not lift easy. Do the exposure now! They will hate you now but thank you as a family later.

I don't know how to go about exposing it. How do I approach her husband? My best friend is going to be so mad at me and I may lose her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Tranquil,

""How do I approach her husband?""

I can't believe the guy doesn't have a clue what is going on. I mean he was at the bar watching what you are watching the first time, correct?

Next time you are with him, say, "Doesn't it bother you how X and Y are speaking and flirting with each other?" If he says "What do you mean?" then you tell him.

If he says "No" then you go back to troubled onlooker with an "I told you so" at the ready.

Tell your friend that anything said or texted (?) between them, that she would not want her H to see or hear, is inappropriate. And that, in many books, is a form of infidelity right there!

k

I will do just that. The thing that creeps me out the most is the hold and bs that the OM has on my friend. She seriously thinks that this guy is not trying to get somewhere with her. Which I say total BS!!!!!!!!

Has her H seen that email yet?

He may not agree that it is just "harmless flirting".

Your friend is enjoying having her ego stoked. Being desired / pursued by the handsome stranger. Your friend is also playing with fire. Get her some mits before she hurts herself (and others).

I can tell you what the guitar players game is: He is HUNTING, stroking his own ego. He is playing her to see how far she will let him go. He will not care whom he hurts while he is in pursuit. His ego, His needs, His terms. Take notice of the His in this train of thought.

Tranq,

""She seriously thinks that this guy is not trying to get somewhere with her.""

Show her the print out of the text messages you showed us!! My gosh, I got a little flushed myself!!

If she poo poos these, den she is on dat big river in Egypt,... or she knows all too well what is going on and digs it!!

k

Walkingthefield,

I agree with you but he keeps telling my friend that nothing physical will ever happen between them that he doesn't 'mess with marriages'.

Hey K,

I sincerely side with you, I think the same things. Though he is insistant with her that he is only harmlessly flirting with her and being a friend that he would not cross that line and I'm sitting here saying BS. I totally believe that if they were all alone and locked eyes or whatever that he would totally go in for the kill.

Why do guys say that they won't cross that line, that it's only harmless fun. What is the game with that?

ROFL. My FWW's OM told her that he didn't want to "break up her M". The PA between them lasted about a year.

My M would have been a lot better off now without her PA.

Well the texting is rampant tonight as well. I'm chatting with her online and she is giving me the gorey details. I think the next time I go out with her and her husband that I will tip him off to watch the band guy really good.