Quick post here since I am at work.....I have been trying to get my financial sitch together and protect myself so I decided to get a second mortgage so there would be less stress financially on me. I was able to do all the legwork without WH since his name is not on the mortgage. HIS NAME IS ON THE DEED.

I was able to secure funds for WH if we ever worked things out. I would give him his money at that time to cover some things that he would like to take care of.

The loan is funded and they are ready to close. I now have found out that since WH's name is on the deed that he as to sign a couple of forms. I do not want to give WH any money right now, but this loan would help me out.

I am torn between cancelling the loan all together and letting WH know about the loan. I don't want to relieve any stress on his end. But if I go forward with the loan he will have to know about it & I will have to give him $$. Plus I will have to see him. This is so frustrating & I hate that I can't do this without him. I think this is why I have been feeling angry over the past couple of days.

Keep in mind that I am in PLAN B.

I am having a hard time deciding & though it would help to bounce this off of you guys here!!

I will be able to read your suggestions, but might not be able to reply back til later tonight.

THANKS!!!

Kim

Well, this is a tough call for you (although it would not be FOR me...but what is good for me, may not be so for you).

Seems to me that you would in essence be giving him is a financial "life jacket" to continue his destructive lifestyle.

Life is full of consequences. You have to weigh what is more important here...some "financial" breathing room for yourself VS. allowing you to break your PLan B and letting your WH benefit both emotionally and financially from it. He will no DOUBT hold his signature on the papers as ransom to get some "coin" out of it. Your Cheater Husband sounds just like the kind of guy to do this.

It would be easy for us to tell you what to do (DON'T DO IT), but we also don't live with the consequences of the choices that YOU make. I don't know quite what you need help with here.

Kim, you already KNOW the answer to your question...You have been here long enough and have recieved and given enough smart and sound advice that tells me that you KNOW what the answer is. Yet you ask the question as if any of us can give you the "lightbulb" moment you need. Is it that you are just looking for an answer or opinion that says differently.????

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Next time ask your banker if he has to sign the stuff! Technically he has access to the funds as well.

Try not to go through with it if you can avoid it...you get 1/2 for breathing room and 1/2 for him to blow.

A few questions:

How much (percentage wise) do you owe compared to your home's value?

How much (percentage wise) were you going to pull out with your second?

How is the market for homes like yours where you live?

All considerations you should take in.

Getting some "financial" breathing room would help me greatly. But, you are right. Is it worth WH benefiting from it? My heart is telling me not to go through with it. My heart has been telling me this since yesterday......Even though I would benefit greatly, WH would also benefit. I want the loan badly, but don't want WH's involvement. My worried brain says that it would help me not be so stressed about $$ and my sitch.



I am just scared. Scared of not knowing what will happen next month with WH and him continuing to pay bills. I realize that I need to be working on the LS. I have yet to find a lawyer that I like......It's pretty tough to even get them to call ya' back! If I could get that loan, I would be set with funding for a lawyer too.

It just sets my whole thought process back some.



I did look at all those aspects - we have been in this home for 11 years so do have a decent bit of equity built up. The main consideration for me at this point is whether or not I want to do this now or not since it looks like it would mean WH getting his share that I have secured for him.

Thanks to both of you for your input. I am thinking this through - probably too much actually.....I know it is my decision and either way I will most likely suffer consequences.

Kim

OR REAP THE BENEFITS......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OR REAP THE BENEFITS.........


Are you implying that I want to see my WH????

NO........I am implying that I have faith that you will make the right decision.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kim, you have to recondition yourself for success. You expect failure too often.....EXPECT SUCCESS in yourself, and the rest will follow.

Did you ever hear about a "self fullfilling prophecy"?

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was just wondering.....

I have never thought of myself as a person who was expecting to fail........Maybe only in the arena of this sitch that I have myself in now.

I am familiar with "self fulfilling prophecy" - If you believe you will fail, then you most likely will. Right? Maybe, I do think that way more than I realize.


Maybe I have gone through life settling for mediocracy(SP????). I always thought my life would be different than it is now(this was even before the A).

BTW - How's your football team doing??

Kim

College....very good, good chance to win the Big Ten this weekend.....

Pro...sucks......heart breaking loss last night that has ended the season.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lem

That's exciting about your college team!! Mine lost....now we are out of the top 10, but we still have a chance to play in the SEC championship game -

I'll be rooting for ya!

kimberly you must be an Alabama fan? In that case, you'll have to hope my Hogs can knock off LSU...not likely.

Or are you Florida or Georgia? Don't remember where they were ranked.

'Bama needs some "O"...

If you do decide to get this second mortgage, you need to get some financial counseling so that you don't get into such a tight situation again. This second mortgage won't get you out of trouble but only shift it in a new direction.

As was suggested to you before by Lemonman and myself, check out Dave Ramsey. He's recently been on Oprah and you can google his name to get his website. Many churches offer his program and his website can point you in the right direction. He has a call in show on AM radio and if you call with your story, you may get to attend for free or get free materials. He teaches people to live within their means and get out of debt.

Make sure your life is under control so that if you face another bump (or rather mountain)in the road, your financial situation doesn't add to the stress.