This is something I know my WS (who is now on a better path) would be wary of answering honestly face-to-face, and who wouldn't? It is something I think about alot. Now that I know about the PA's, I wonder how I was compared to them- my looks, my personality, the sex...

I've been faithful always to my H. I would rather die than to think that my H might be harboring thoughts that, in even one area, that he is "settling" for me and our marriage. I'm not perfect, of course, but I think I'm pretty great! I don't want to "settle" and I don't want him to, either.

Another question, how many of you who have reconciled decided to do so in a recommittment ceremony?

My FWH said that he never did any deep comparisons. At the time when he was in fog/fantasy land he thought she was easier to talk to, more easy going and thought more highly of him.

Physically he didn't compare us much during the A.

Now after the A and when he was out of fogland he realized that all the good things he thought about her were not valid.

He always thought I was physcially more attractive but then his A was more an EA then a PA (turned PA but that was a more of a side benefit) IC said that he mostly liked the feelings she gave him. She made him feel like a king.

I know this is all true because he passed a polygraph on the A and one of the questions was is there anything about the A or OW that you are still lying about...or something to that effect.

OW was our next door neighbor and friend so I know I stacked up well next to her in all areas except in being a submissive personality. My strength is one of the things my H always admired about me except during the A. When she turned that all around to make him think I treated him like dirt and that she would treat him the way he deserved.

I'm so glad that you worked things out and that you are very happy. I think it could happen for me,too.

There's a very similar thread to this on the Recovery Forum. You might want to have a look there - see link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=2860112

The short answer for me is no. I don't know if it's different for men, as I'm the FWW.

I could make a clear distinction between my H and the OM. They were and are two different people. It's not about comparisons, ever. It's how two different people impact on your life. I just didn't compare them. I suppose it's very typical to compartmentalise when you're in an A but that goes against my nature as a woman - everything overlaps.

I'm pretty sure the OM compartmentalised his life during the A. In fact I know he did. The only comparisons I ever heard him make were that his wife was precious and dear to him while I was a "side" issue to his real life.

Does that make sense?

Jen

I know my H did compare me in terms of how I made him "feel" when I was with him v. the OW. She never had to deal with any of the tough issues of life, though, like money,kids, family, etc.

Jen, are you in recovery? Thanks for your comments.

My H compares me to OW big time, both physically and personality. Most people would say that I am more attractive then her but she has a big chest and is very flirty with everyone which is what I believe he compares. She makes him feel like a king also.

M 26
H 28
Married 7 years
DS 6 yrs old
D Day 3 Sept 05
Plan A 4 Sept 05

I'm A FWH and I never did comparisons, but I probably did discuss a few problems that might have been taken as comparisions by the OW. In most cases if anything was brought up about my wife I generally tried to protect her as warped as that may seem.

And my wife and I have recommitted our marriage.

No...I never did that. I compartmentalized each relationship completely.

Low, I think our A's were very similar.

Sad, yes, I'm very much in recovery. You can follow the whole sad, sorry, saga on here if you look up my old posts. I've been posting here for 2 years now and it's been 2 years since d-day.

My H and I are together and happy.

Jen

My FWW (like many other FWW) actually disconnected herself emotionally when with the OM, so there was little, if any, comparison at the time. The reality is that she did do some comparison by stating how dissatisfied she was with the PA and how much better we are together.