I normally post on the recovery board but i felt that the expertise on this board might help me!!

It has been 4 1/2 months since my H's A. My H found out about a week ago from a friend that she is pregnant. We are both assuming that she is not that far along but when he asked his friend he said he didnt have any more information. But I cannot help but wonder, is this irrational? What should I do? I need to know for sure. She is also married and is the type that would try and pass the baby off as her husbands no matter what, so I do not expect that we would have heard from her by now if it was his.

I dont know what to do, I seriously doubt that the child is my husbands but i need to know for sure, should I contact her or try and get his friend to ask? Any advice would be appreciated!!!

Sorry you are going through this... I know it's very hard.

Why do you need to know for sure? You may never know. You may need to resign yourself to that fact. Unless you want to hire an attorney and try to initiate paternity and it's accompanying emotional & financial pressures, you may never know, especially if she doesn't want you to.

MSA

I guess I am holding on to the hope that she is only a few weeks along or so. If I knew how far and it wasnt a possiblity I could at least ease my mind on this part of the nightmare.

3 months ago,i discover my husband's affair.

He came back (he used to work in the province while me and our kids were with me in the city) - we sorted things out, he stayed for 3 weeks, then he left me again for 2 weeks and 2 weeks ago he came back again - this time he says for good - forever - he will never leave us again.

Problem is the OW is 4 months preggy, my H doesn't want to drastically end the A because of the situation - he says he cares for the child. Another problem is that the OW is texting a lot of things in my friends celpone (i lost my celpone so i am not able to receive messages from her).

We want to start a new life - assuming that my husband is really sincere in what he is saying but i feel so confused right now.

Will someone pls tell me the right things to do and say. I love my husband so much, i want the best for my 2 kids and for our family.


denise
Age 31
Married for 5 years
with 2 kids
OW is 24

so sorry you are going through this.

As she is married and has chosen not to notify you and your h of her condition, there doesnt seem like much you can do to find out if the child is your h's. You could make discreet enquiries of friends ect and see if the timeframes match. personally i wouldnt ask her directly. i think that puts you at her mercy to a certain extent and would open you up to a whole world of pain.

I understand how you would feel you needed to know but frankly if she is going to let the world think that the child is her husbands and is not going to try the whole baby drama with your husband then i think that might be the best situation for all (assuming she is not pulling the wool over her husbands eyes and he knows the truth and is willing to raise the child as his own knowing there is a possiblity that it is not).

If you and your h really cant get past this and are prepared to deal with all the emotional and financial fall out that would come from an Other Child then you could probably force a paternity test once the child is born.

If the child does turn out to be your husbands, do you know what you would do then?

Hugs

Carolyn

I found out Sunday my husband had been having an affair for the past 8 months while I was preg. with twins. On Tuesday I found out that he may have fathered a child w/ OW because I read his text msgs. I had asked him on Monday if he had had sex with her and he said yes and then I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me and he said no. When I confronted him about this lie, he said "He did not want to hurt me and thought it would make it harder for us to reconcile....he said that according to her it was a very slim chance the baby was his and she did not want to tell her husband." Her H knows about the affair and told her that he did not believe that the child was his. According to the OW she showed him via calendar that it was his b/c she was not ovulating when she last had sex with my H. My H wants a paternity test b/c he feels that he can not live with the fact that he has fathered a child and is not taking responsibility. OW does not because she is afraid if it is it would ruin her marriage. I think the OH will demand a test after the child is born but that will not be until August!!! How do we start rebuilding our marriage with this hanging over our heads. We are reading the "Surviving an Affair" book and but it really does not address this issue. We all live in the same community and my H and I would like to keep this as private as possible but we would also like a paternity test as soon as possible, any advice? My husband and I are going to contact the OW (even though she has asked my H not to contact her again) and ask her for the test (our expense) and have the results sent to us so we know and she does not have to know the truth. I just can not believe this has happened!!! Please advise.

I found out Sunday my husband had been having an affair for the past 8 months while I was preg. with twins. On Tuesday I found out that he may have fathered a child w/ OW because I read his text msgs. I had asked him on Monday if he had had sex with her and he said yes and then I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me and he said no. When I confronted him about this lie, he said "He did not want to hurt me and thought it would make it harder for us to reconcile....he said that according to her it was a very slim chance the baby was his and she did not want to tell her husband." Her H knows about the affair and told her that he did not believe that the child was his. According to the OW she showed him via calendar that it was his b/c she was not ovulating when she last had sex with my H. My H wants a paternity test b/c he feels that he can not live with the fact that he has fathered a child and is not taking responsibility. OW does not because she is afraid if it is it would ruin her marriage. I think the OH will demand a test after the child is born but that will not be until August!!! How do we start rebuilding our marriage with this hanging over our heads. We are reading the "Surviving an Affair" book and but it really does not address this issue. We all live in the same community and my H and I would like to keep this as private as possible but we would also like a paternity test as soon as possible, any advice? My husband and I are going to contact the OW (even though she has asked my H not to contact her again) and ask her for the test (our expense) and have the results sent to us so we know and she does not have to know the truth. I just can not believe this has happened!!! Please advise.

--------------------
Abby
34 YOF
Married 9 years
3 Children

hello cant be true sorry u r going through this.

i left other message on ow preg version 3 please read there as i dont want to repeat myself and i thought i was addressing u. please tink about what i and others suggest, save yourself the pain if u can, if our ow was married it would be easy to walk away knowing the baby has a father. in our case there isnt and i coulnt live with myself if i made this child go without his father. however im seriously considering that if ow wants to play games then we will as i dont think that is good for oc. we have dealt with an xwife our whole marriage 14 yrs. she has played games using daughter over my h it hasnt been good for either one as my h had no rights concerning his dd.in effect has caused them to not get as close as they should be. we wont do that again. but this oc now is a boy the ow has major man issues and i believe my h will be his only male role model, i believe this oc will need him. so im tring to accept and deal with all this the best i can. its not easy. but i have decided i will not jump through ow hoops ever.

well good luck to u, your in the right place, lots of smart and wise woman here.

Denise you may want to start your own thread just so you can get your individual attention.