Hey, do you really want the WS back (as is)? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Really? If so, what will you get?

1. a grouchy, selfish, greedy person.
2. one who gives guilt and blame to everyone and anyone within their reach.....usually starting with the BS, family, relatives, friends, their pets, plants, neighbors, co-workers, other countries, the military, outer space?
3. creates debit beyond belief
4. stinks up the house with the OP crap
5. is highly irresponsible. Been known to neglect even their children, render their family homes without necessities.
6. protects the OP at all costs
7. threatens and threatens and threatens
8. got more??????

Is this how you really want to live?

L.

No who would, NO I really dont, yes I have got that, no it certainly isnt

Withdrawal is a really sh**y place isnt it?

Have you a magic cure?

Bring On Some Help

Nope don't want the WS...Don't have much respect for him..

Sure would love to have the REAL H back though....

Hope he can find his way from the mothership soon......

Orchid -

#3 really rings true in my sitch...

She has racked up over six figures in personal debt in the last 9 months...this doesn't even include her school loans...

She has many hard years ahead...


No WS for me. Ever.



TM

NO WAY!!!

Here are a list of virtues that are sorely lacking in my WS that I would expect to see in action before I take him back:

1. compassion
2. kindness
3. responsibility
4. honesty
5. openess
6. loyalty
7. respect
8. integrity

The list of current traits include:
1. spiteful
2. cruel
3. irresponsible
4. dishonest
5. deceitful
6. selfish
7. disrespectful
8. sleazy
9. manipulative

Who wants to live with someone lie that? Now with distance and detachment I am able to see how I was manipulated into accepting WH's increasingly abomidable behavior as acceptable. I'm recovering now and there is no going back to that. Ever.

Time is running out for the frog if he doesn't turn into a prince again soon. If the holidays continue to leave him a cold-blooded amphibian, the D-truck will start rolling.

When WH first began this crap and left his family, I would have taken him back at any cost. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Fortunately for me, he didn't want to come back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Most fogged-out WS's are orbiting the Earth in the alien Mothership. My WH is so fogged-out that the aliens have sent him on a special mission in his own WS space-shuttle, to somewhere in the region of Alpha Centauri. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So he couldn't come back at the moment even if he wanted to.

My WH is cruel, selfish, narcissistic beyond belief, and his IQ has dropped by about 100 points. He smokes and drinks to excess, thinks he's 21 again, and to be honest, I find the WS repulsive.

I want a big BS ray-gun, to keep the alien WS at bay!

Alph.

Alphin, I think my WS is sitting in that same part of Alpha Centauri as your WS.

~A

Wow, 6 responses from the '3rd shift crew'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ok, so if you don't wnat the WS in your home or life, then what r u doing 'bout it?

L.

Yea, they're Kirk and Spock on the Enterprise together! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Divorcing his a$$.

Edited to add: Not very MB of me, I know...

Alph.

I'm actually currently focusing on my own personal healing and trying to get a job so that financial bleeding can be stemed. Still no luck in the job scenario at the moment, but been sending out resumes almost every day.

I'm also making new friends and expanding my social circle.

I don't know if I'll be taking him back after some time has passed. Alot of respect for him has been lost. But then I'm not really concentrating on that either... I am 1st priority is ensuring that my financial situation goes back into the safety zone and that I will continue to have a roof over my head.


~A

Nope---done with her, his problem now.
How could I have any self respect, not too mention discard everything I've learned about myself.
I deserve better and will have better in my future relationship.

You know, I asked myself that exact same question after d-day...

Did I really want to resume a marriage with my W AS IS?

My answer was a resounding NO. For many of the same reasons listed here about the WS. I went back on nothing more than the hope things could change.

I would think there are many BS's who make those same leaps of faith.

BTW, not all WS behave like you have described. And not all BS were model spouses beforehand.

Low

Is #3 the Love bank drain debit?

How about?
Lack of Empathy
Lack of Compassion
Inability to see the "big Picture" that is instant highs are better than a stable family. And to he!! with the cost
Lack of Control
Addictive personality - DO what you want, when you want and ignore the consequences. If you haven't lied cheated and shifted blame already to justify the WS behaviour.
Sense of Entitlement. Especially when used in statements like "I deserve to be happy. Don't you want me to be happy?" to try to instill a sense of guilt in the spouse or the children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Plan B --- keeping WS out of my home and my life.

But still hoping that a history of a good M pre-A, a good Plan A, and a firm, but loving Plan B letter will show a cooperative, faithful, hopeful Spouse the way back home.

In short,NO.I do not want my WS back which is why I am getting a D.I did want to work things out for some time but I was not willing nor capable of waiting forever or his timetable.I had to make a decision about my life and I did.

Personally,I could not go back to someone,as changed as they may have become(in my case WH did/has not),who betrayed me so horribly and left me alone in my most dire hour, fog or not.Simply put I could never trust this man again and therefore I have no business giving my heart and soul back to him.He does not deserve that gift.I respect myself more than that.

O

Please remember, it can and does happen!

Improbable as it might seem, WS's can return from the deepest of fog situations, time-frames can vary, but.....it does happen!

Well I did the best PlanA I could do at the time, maybe it could have been better, but thats neither here nor there now. PlanB is in the works blew it a few times, but am on track for now and doing it very well.

I have a plan for me to become a stronger person who will not accept a WS back into my life. For now I am still very willing to accept my H back into my life.

I have a job and am going to IC to make me a better person so I can move on no matter what happens. It keeps getting better everyday.

The biggest thing I do for myself though to keep me from accepting the WS is I pray and have faith in God he will show me the right path to take. I have turned this over to God to let him do his will.

Once my court date for LS is done in Dec. I will be able to let go even more and allow time and God to do their job.

Shugah,

This thread is addressing those who are current in the WS state. As long as they r in that state......what's a BS t/d?

Of course if the WS sheds their skin and becomes a spouse....that's a whole different enchilada. Right now we are dealing with trying to eat the enchilada with the corn husk still entact. YUCK!! How can that be a tasty meal?!?!!!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The point of this thread is to help those who have contributed along with the newbies see, there is life w/o a WS. It is ok NOT to want a WS back in your homes and lives.

Does that mean end of the M? No. Just no M need to w/a WS.

JMHO,
L.

It's been said before and I know it's built in there somewhere but the affair is all about the WS so you need to concentrate on "you". I spent a good deal of time chasing after my WS. I tried as hard as I could to win her back. None of that worked. Then, I realized that I didn't need to chase her anymore. I was proud of what kind of husband I had been and the father I am. I was no longer angry or hurt. I focused on me, the "right" person in all of this. I held my head high even if I was all alone. I was proud of the effort I put into my marriage. Be proud of yourself. Don't let it weaken you, draw strength in knowing you are doing or have done all that you can. Know that you are doing the right things and then start doing them for yourself. When I realized that I didn't need her back that was when progress started. When I stopped chasing her and started focusing on me and my children that's when things started to change. That's when she saw comfort in what was right in front of her all of the time. That's when she mentally returned to me and that's when she let me in again.

I believe the affair is now over and we are in the early stages of recovery. I'm not certain that we will work things out but I am certain that I did what was right for me, my children and even for her. All BS's should be proud of themselves for what they have done for their families. Inevitably, win or lose we are the heros and have the right to be proud.