My question seems silly or trivial, but what can I anticipate from a potential date? I'm not very experienced in dating, and I hear about a 2 day rule, but really, what should I be anticipating?

I had a date Friday night. This gentlemen asked for my number through a friend, he called me Friday [after having had my # for 5 days] and asked if I had plans over the weekend, to that I said I was going to the football game [that evening] and if he was going, we could meet and sit together. We did meet and sat together. After the game, we went on to have a salad.

I had not heard from him since Friday, and figured we didn't hit it off too well. Last night, he called me, 4 days later, which totally surprised me. We talked for a few minutes, the conversation ended, but with no asking of a second date.

I really don't think he is a guy that has women lined up, and I'm low on the list. I feel plainly, that he doesn't put a lot of thought into the whole dating process. It seems to be random on his part.

I don't have my heart set on this person, but it raises the question of what should I expect?

So guys, what are there rules? Or Women, what are your expectations concerning when to get asked for a date or follow up after a date?

Karona

The rule is have no expectations this early in the game.

T

I'll be anxious to see other replies, but I just HAD to answer because I have learned the hard way... I am (WAS) the WORST when it comes to this rule. THERE IS NO RULE!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have a gentleman that calls me about every 2-3 weeks. We have been dragging things out for 4 months now, because he waits so long to call me, then I get involved with someone. hehe. Now that I'm done getting involved with anyone else, maybe we can see where things can go, even on his slow pace, because he is still interested.

I ran another guy off because our first "meeting" went well, he asked for my number, then I got impatient and bugged him a few days later because I hadn't heard from him. He was interested, just was busy and needed a little time... but I scared him off with my overreacting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm learning. Chill out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Some of them are ready to move faster, within a day or 2 or 3, and immediately set up that next date so we don't have to wonder. Some of them need a little time to think, or simply are busy, or might be a little shy. Maybe it's JustinExplorer in disguise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.

But, IMO, there's no rules, so relax, and go with the flow. Give him a chance, and try not to rush or make assumptions either way.

The first guy I described above, called me the night of our 1st date to make sure I made it home safely, and we talked and laughed for a few minutes, and we both said we wanted to go out again. I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He said he was sick, and had a death in the family. I believed him, plus I think he likes to take things slow, and is a bit shy. We had a great 2nd date, talked the next day for an hour, then 2 weeks went by before I heard from him again. But see... now it's 4 months since we first talked, and there's still potential, because he's been laying low and taking it easy, but has been letting me know he's interested.

Okay Double E!

Faith,
I do enjoy reading your replies. You're so honest.
Very interesting this guy you have calling you. He must be interested.

"Maybe it's JustinExplorer in disguise"

JE will laugh about this comment! Huh, he could be a clone. If so, he is a gentlemen! And I'm in no rush, just trying to understand the process.

K!

K,

When I first started dating, I too was worried about the rules of dating, heck I had not dated in over 20 yrs! I did learn quickly that there are no rules, just do what is comfortable for you.

I met men for coffee, lunch and see how it went. Most of them ended after the first date because I was just not interested. So I never had to worry about waiting for the call. Then there were a few that I dated a few times and it was a few days in between when they called. I just didn't have any expectation so I was not disappointed.

He may be wondering the same thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What the 'rules' are all depend on who you ask. If you want to see him again, give him a call.

I think the best rule to follow, is honesty.

IMO~~
I'm with you on the 20+ yr mark. Thanks for the advice, it sounds reasonable to me.

xp~~

It is very possible that he's not sure how to handle the whole thing either.
I almost made the statement myself, that it could be flipped, and I could call him too.
Perhaps he's feeling like me. It might be nice, but, we are both okay in our personal dating [or non] lives, so why push it.
Thanks!

Karona

I agree with what the rest of the people have said, there are no rules. It sounds like your guy is shy and is waiting for you to make the next move, who knows. With this in mind, what do you want. You said he knows nothing about you because he never asked, maybe he felt uncomfortable prying. Do you want him to know more?

As for me, I have only dated two men since my divorce. The first would go a few days before calling if not more if I left it to him. It drove me nuts, especially since we were long distance and the phone was our mode of communication between visits, but it was his personality. At first I took it as an indicator of interest, but it really wasn't that at all. Anyhow, as time went on and I realized it was not about me, when I wanted to talk I called him. I will admit though, it was something I never was really comfortable with because I wanted him to call too, the whole if he cares he would stuff. I didn't feel like a priority and as you know the whole priority stuff along with the distance was the reason for our demise.

The guy I am currently dating is the exact opposite. He is a phoneaholic, calling several times a day even though we see each other every day. He wants to talk much more than I do. My friends have joked that he is the woman in this relationship because he is much more worried about this stuff than I am.

I guess I am rambling, but my point is, there really is no rule. Go for what you feel comfortable with and see if you can find a balance you can accept. Also, be careful what you hope for, you might just get it and then some! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Take care and God bless!
K

Still~~

To be honest, I don't see us long term.
If its true that he still lives at home with parents at 38, I can see that as a potential flag. Not even mentioning the fact that his life is centered around sports.

I can see me digging myself in a hole here with my original question.
I'm not trying to knock this guy for what he does or does not do concerning calling me.
I'm trying to get an understanding to his thinking or other men for that matter. It would appear to me, that he was not interested, and that's okay. However, he then calls me, and I get confused as to what he does think.

My opinion of him is that he is very nice, appears to be well liked, but we seem to be quite opposite as far as our lifestyles. I would go out with him again, but if I still had the same concerns, I may decide its better to leave it alone at that point.

Funny, your current bf sounds like my xbf. He was very attentive! All the time!!

K!

You raise some good points. 38 and still living with his parents is interesting. I wonder why.

I can see how his call would confuse you. You wait four days and then he calls briefly without saying much. If it is that he is just shy, could you handle that?

I think you are wise to give it another shot though, the first date is the hardest.

Always calling, always available and willing to drop almost everything. Like we have said before in total contrast to our hectic lives as single mothers! Sometimes I feel like I just need some space - total contrast from my last BF. Is there a happy medium?

Good luck!

Take care and God bless!
K

I know Still, I was thinking the same. Is there a middle ground??
I will say though, that I wanted so bad for my x to be more like xbf. BUT, I also found xbf to be smoothering too.
SO, it must be us women. Just no pleasing us [me].

I have no idea about this guy and his living situation. There is another thing too. He just got a job with the school 2 yrs ago. Maybe it's as simple as, its that hard to get into the school system. OR, then there's the flip side.......

Can I handle the shy? I think shy would be okay, as long as he can make me laugh. I really am looking for that in my next LTR. The ability to make me laugh is in my top 5 EN's.

Side note, I was going to post on our other thread.
I "saw" xbf last night. He did not see me. I drove past a gas station, and saw him walking into the store.
What I saw was one of the very things that I had a hard time with concerning him. He was walking, the walk of sadness. He had a way of looking lost, or what I came to label as pathetic. For all the wonderful things he was, he had this trait that would make me crazy.
I also couldn't believe how gray he was. I almost wrecked my car looking [ha, just kidding].
It wasn't a trigger for me. I can almost say it was a good thing for me to see. That possibly he has not moved on so effortlessly, and that the trait that made me crazy, is still there.

Thanks Still.
K!

Karona,
Didn't I just see you on another thread hoping to find a guy that would take it slow...?! ; )

When I first started dating, I worried about all of this too...now, over a year later, here's what I do: I don't care!

Gosh, I know that's hard to say and probably harder to understand, but what I've done is made myself a life that will go on no matter what. I've surrounded myself with fabulous friends, joined (of all things!) a bowling league, things that I do every week. It keeps me out of trouble with it all!
It would be GREAT if I found "the one" to join me, but I just keep myself busy and not allow myself to wait for a call and wonder and get all wrapped up in that stuff. I just let the guy set the pace and if he calls and I have time, I'll see him.
I find that if I get lonely and/or bored, I over-analyze. I've just realized that this is going to take time to get to know this person, and he to know me, and if he is interested in getting to know more, he WILL call! I can't force anything and it seems things happen when they happen for a reason...

Yes Drita, I believe that was me who said that, and I do feel that way.
While I'm trying to figure this particular guy out, and the whole contact thing, I don't forsee him as being someone that I will enter a LTR with, but, then again, maybe I'm wrong.

I don't think I would fit into his world as it appears, and something else that I desire is a sense of humor, and he seems very serious.

I'd say you are on the right track to this whole single life. Fill our time with things and people that make us happy!
I guess I just need to go with it, and be surprised if I hear from him or the next potential date.

Thank you!
Karona

I'm going to tell you one more thing that works for me. I don't know where this came from, or how it happened-seriously! But I figured out, I'm just pretty damn awesome for that RIGHT guy, whenever it happens.
This attitude has helped me so much! I'm telling you, I've gone out with, I'll bet 30 guys in the last year, and although there have been a few I liked, I look at these guys as if they are worthy of me. I know it sounds conceited, and believe me, I'm not ALL that (but do admit I'm quite fabulous!), but not perfect, but when I look at it from the standpoint of, "oh well, his loss!" it helps!!
I'm betting, from what I've read from you on here, Karona, that you have yourself pretty well put together and are quite fabulous yourself... just keep that in mind. It also helps when you are studying this person to see if THEY would fit into YOUR world (why is it that you have to fit into his?)!!!
To sum: I guess I just turned my attitude around and it's kept me grounded, safe, and with my eyes wide open. It also allows me to be more myself and not worry or wonder when he's gonna call, what's gonna happen...(I used to drive my friends NUTS!!) I've met some VERY nice men, but just not for me.

That's Fantastic! I like your Spunk Drita!

Thank you for the kind words. I think we can all read those kinds of things about ourselves once in awhile!

You are right also, about the person fitting into my world. If and when it happens, it will have to be a perfect [or as perfect as perfect can be] fit for all involved!

I will have to try some of the attitude!

Thanks for sharing!
Karona

expect nothing!!! It's a hard lesson to learn but one worth learning...so I'm learning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and be pleasantly surprised?

Life lessons are hard sometimes. That is a fact.

K!

Hi Karona,

What to expect while dating? Hmmmmmm

Short answer, anything and everything...LOL

Long Answer, when you do find the guy that IS interested in you. He will call you everyday and the first date will end with a request for a second date. You will know, there will be no question in your mind.

I read this guy as already in some sort of relationship that could be failing and you are "backup" incase it does.
He called you to ask you out again but got cold feet and didn't follow through. He's torn about something and you can tell it by his actions.

Asks for your number and then does not call you for 5 days?
Takes you out and then does not call for 4 days?

What was the last conversation about? If I may ask?

BH~~

First, I want to say I'm not losing any sleep over this man, but, I want to be wise, and understand the dating world. I'm not just asking concerning this person, but hopefully I will experience more dating and be able to use the knowledge in the future.

You can ask about the conversation.
First, I was very surprised when I answered my phone, and I think I sounded surprised. He introduced himself, and said I bet you wondered what happened to me? He said he had been lazy all weekend, didn't do anything, just laid around. I said something dumb about the cold football game doing him in. I asked him if he went to the college game that weekend, and how the girls were doing that he's coaching. There were a couple of pauses, to which I tried to fill. By the 3rd pause, I gave up trying to fill the dead space, and told him I needed to go help my daughter's with their homework. Before I hung up, I told him I appreciated the way he went about getting my # and told him I guess I would talk to him again sometime.
I could blame myself, possibly I didn't give him a chance to ask the question.
I really don't know if he was calling to just talk, or ask for another date. The thing that has puzzled me about him is that he doesn't ask me any questions. I'm the one who has kids and is divorced. I know for me, I would be asking some questions.

I like your long answer. I think I will recognize it when it happens. And for that day, I am excited!!

Thanks for your thoughts!
Karona

Hi Karona,

I know you're not losing any sleep over this man..LOL

There is no "dating world". Dating is just two people getting to know eachother. But as you date, you will find that people are not always as they seem. Many people have hidden agendas and motivations.

Openness and honesty is a rare trait these days. It's one of the main reasons I ended up going to eharmoney. I figured that a 500 question value and personality test would screen out most of the wackos out there..LOL

As you date more you will learn to spot all the signs of people not being upfront with you quickly.

Add this guy up.

1. He goes out of his way to get your number. That means he is physically attracted to you.

2. But he waits 5 day to call you. That means he has something else going on in his life. Because a man does not go out of his way to get a womans number that he is physically attracted to and then wait 5 days to act on it.

3. After the first date he then waits 4 days to call you back and in that conversation he says. "bet you wondered what happened to me" So he admits to knowing that he should have called sooner.

4. What happened to him to stop him from making the call he KNOWS he should have made? "he had been lazy all weekend, didn't do anything, just laid around." This is probably a lie.

Yeah that phone is just SO heavy, those buttons on it require such force to depress. Took 4 days to save up the energy.

5."I asked him if he went to the college game that weekend, and how the girls were doing that he's coaching. There were a couple of pauses"

Pauses in conversation usually indicate either nothing in the brain or delay caused by the brain trying to fabricate a lie.

6. "The thing that has puzzled me about him is that he doesn't ask me any questions." Ahhh, No interest in you personally at all. So he doesn't want any emotional attachment to you.

What does that all add up to?