Our 12th anniversary is coming up...and I just don't feel too much like celebrating. It has been 6 months since d-day. How have other people felt or handled their anniversary after discovering an A.

Because my FWW and I have a common goal of loving each other and living together forever with a strong M, we went out like normal and tried to enjoy the time together. We tried to focus on today and tomorrow and not think of yesterday. This was 3 months after D-day.

Lost.

Boy do I understand the dilema here. My FWH actually took OW to a romantic B&B on our Anniversary while I was out-of-town on a business trip two years ago. We are now two anniversaries past that horrible date and I still find it impossible to celebrate a date we shared vows that he broke so easily.

So far, I have chosen to ignore the date since it no longer has any real meaning for me. But my sitch is different so will pass on some advice that I was unable to take, so far. Take the day back, celebrate that you are still together.

So did you find that it was nice or strained. Did you enjoy the time?

Lost tigger,
I have not had my anniversary yet since dd.
I would like to spend it together on a cruise with my husband, (not w/h) and enjoy a well deserved vacation where we can add up points for our lovebank.

I am all about romance now, and daydream about beautiful scenery, nights of lovemaking, and holding hands while enjoying everything around us. I am a hopeless romantic. We missed our 25th anniversary plans of a cruise, so I would love to have one on our 27th anniversary.

I think I will mention my wishes to xws when he comes home. Our anniversary is only two months away.

Oh man WHOME,
I don't think that i could have handled that at all. What a slap in the face. My H chose to be with the OW on his birthday instead of celebrating it with his children.

Every year since we were married we have gone to Morton's for dinner. Since the kids, my parents have always taken them to spend the night so we really can have some time together. But this is the tradition that the "other" people did, not the people that we are today.

Our anniversary was about five months after d-day...and in our case my wife had an EA, not PA. But...we had seperated in house for a while, and had given our daughter our bed since neither of us felt like sleeping in it anymore...so, since we'd started reconciling and resumed sleeping together, we decided to celebrate our anniversary by completely re-doing our bedroom.

I was worried about what our anniversary would be like...but my wife made it a lot better by holding me close that nite and crying and telling me she was SO glad that she had made the right choice and grateful that we hadn't ended our marriage. We've had our second anniversary since then just recently...while not as poignant, it was still nice. If you're in recovery, focus on the positive...really that's all you can do my friend.

Our anniversary was less than a week after DDay #2, and NC #2. That one was very good, as we were still in the honeymoon phase of R, and had already scheduled an out-of-town trip for promo purposes.

I dread the next one. The celebration of our now-meaningless vows is not high on my list just now, but hopefully I can apply some of the advice being given and somehow reclaim it.

There was difficulty at times but for the most part I was thrilled to have my wife by my side more than anything. The way I looked at it is that we were celebrating our commitment for each other. I felt on that day I could do that.

losttiger,

I guess we all surprise ourselves when it comes to what we can deal with when we have to. It was a credit card statement that I inadvertantly looked at on D-day while I was picking up the house and doing some filing. It wasn't even like FWH was being sneaky and trying to hide it. There it was, a hotel charge for a hotel one mile from his office for one night. The next thing listed was for two nights at a very expensive B&B about 100 miles away. That made it impossible for me to ignore all of the red flags that had been waving in my face for 7 months.

I can still remember having dinner and a glass of wine alone in San Francisco that night. That betrayal is still very painful for me and I am afraid that it always will be. When I asked my FWH if he did it deliberately, he said he actually forgot that it was our anniversary. Well, that maybe true, but I bet OW remembered when she planned a trip out here for that timeframe!

As for him, he knows what a horrible date it is for me and isn't really sure how he should handle it. Ignore it, which is what I will always do, or give me a gift and take me out to dinner, which is what he did this year.

Hmmm, honeymoon phase is over. I did have that now that you mention it. I felt so positive and fighting for our relationship...but for some reason, now, I feel like it has happened all over. All those initial emotions and questions are coming back, the anger over the choices that he made are full blown, it is like it happened yesterday not 6 months ago. There is nothing that he has done that has reignited this...the A is over and has been. The wound just opened up again for some reason. Has anyone else expirenced this feeling. I think that is why i am having trouble taking back the day, when all i feel like doing is giving up.

Our 14th anniversery was about 3 weeks after d-day. Things were looking OK for the first two weeks, but the third week was him all pulling away.

For our anniversery, I just wrote a long letter about the H that I loved, bought him a DVD and a CD that he had wanted. he didn't want them, but he did accept my gifts. He moved out two days later.

I have been married 26 years. As the FWH, my wife says she has a difficult time finding the right card. It's because a lot of them will say something like "you have always been faithful" or "the husband with unfailing love". For her those are triggers and reminders of the past. But she manages to find a card that is still special and she writes something in it that is personal and meaningful. And we go out and still have a nice evening. It's been 2 1/2 years since D day for her, so we have celebrated 2 anniversaries. I hope that helps.

oh i have just done some terrible things......

I find i am pushing him away, this is not what i want but i cant stop. I am hurting him mentally and me physically. What the ****** am i doing.

If i keep this up there won't be a anniversary to celebrate

It's understandable to have some strong emotions. But it doesn't you to continue the pain. I want you to know I'm praying for you that God would help you through the painful and diffifult moments. I want you to be able to have a good aniversary even though it might be hard the first go round.

Well our 12th annivesary was yesterday. We didn't celebrate it in our usual way. In fact i couldn't bring myself to say the words to my H at all. He said it to me and got me a card and wrote me a beatiful poem though. I am a bit sad about it all though. It no longer feels so special. Hmmm maybe time will make that feeling go away.