Point blank: It would hurt me to have SF with him at this time just knowing the words he used with other women that were sexual in nature. It's not that I dont want to with him it's that i'm hurting. He hasn't forced himself or the SF issue on me at all. He's been very remorseful, patient, loving, tender and kind towards me but I know him and I know he will be wanting SF soon. The last time we were intimate was one day prior to D Day. What do i do? and of course I'm scared that If i don't do it, He will look elsewhere??

Also, another question I had was. One of the ladies that sent him an email is also married with 3 children. At one time I considered her my friend. We all work for the same company. SHould I send her email to her husband also so she will know? I'm afraid I'll be doing it out of revenger to hurt her and I dont want him to hurt like I am if he finds out his wife is emailing my H

IMHO, a BS should always contact the OPS. This accomplishes two things. First, it is only right the OWH should know what you know about what happened between his wife and your husband. If you doubt the pain that your failure to tell OWH can cause long term, read some of my early posts. Secondly, that is one more tool in your arsenal to help you ensure that the A has ended and that it will not start up again. If two different spouses are watching everything like a hawk, it is difficult to have the secrecy that is required to continue an A.

Contacting the OPS is not revengeful. Actually, it is quite decent to do. A marriage cannot survive both partners not being honest. Obviously in this situation, both of them engaged in behaviors that are not appropriate for married persons. I would prefer that the contact be made by phone to her husband and then you know for sure that he has been notified. If you chose to contact him by email, ask him to notify you that he recieved the information and open the door to continuing discussions to make sure that this A is exposed and stopped.

As for the SF question, only you can determine when the time is right for that to resume. In my opinion, the poor choices that the WS made leave the BS the option to determine a number of factors including whether to remain committed to the marriage and when to resume intimacy with the WS. If the A was a PA, in no way should you ever have SF until both of you are tested for STD's.

Point blank: If you are not ready for SF then the answer is no. Explain to him how you are not ready because you are still hurting. If his commitment to you is real then he will stay by your side.

Personal question: Has there been any kind of holding or touching that is loving? If so, how do you feel about that? If it feels good, have you considered taking baby-steps?

I nearly threw up when my FWW touched me two minutes after admitting to giving OS to OM. I had to leave the bedroom and take a Xanax. As I was sitting on the couch I knew this is not what I wanted to feel for the woman that I loved. She came by a few minutes later and reached out for me. I tried holding her and was relieved how good it felt. That told me that I will get beyond those thoughts. We took baby-steps at my pace till it started to feel more natural to be with her. Now we are very active with SF.

Don't do it until you're ready.

My FWW and I did SF on both D-Days, but that's just us. I'm a guy (and therefore pretty easy) and we've always had an intense attraction to eachother that way.