It's only been a few days since my last post. My S has been making an attempt to work on our M. Atleast she has been home on time every night when she is should be. I have confirmed 2 of her 3 stories to be true, which is an ease on my mind. I have my family being negative on the whole situation and seems like they are making bets on when this would fail. Not the support I was looking for. I have support from my friends.

I have done some addtional investigating at work the last two days. I got OP address and still sit at the conclusion that my S was at his house the one night she said she went for a drive. I clicked off the miles by driving it myself and I come to +/- 2 miles depending on the route. I'll have to talk more on this with her and see what happens. right now she is at her mom's visting since she's been diagnosed with cancer recently.

I told her I didn't want any further contact with OP and she never put up a fight. From what I can find, she has been holding that end up. I can't really say since I no longer have access to her email acct (password changed).

Also on my research on OP, I'm finding out that he is not a very stable person. From people I don't know at work who have been there for like 2 - 3 years know this guy say he's a bit out in left field, has serious issue, my friend who didn't know this was going on at the time said the guy shows classic mental issues. When he asked why I was asking, knowing there was a problem, we talked. My friend was more concerned that this guy is going to push off to some type of stalker or feels there is alot more than it really is. If my S is true to just friends.

We have been working on our communication. Talking was never one of our strong points and its weird. At first I felt like it was a onesided conversation on Sunday. I spent 30 - 40 min talking and asking open ended questions and getting one word answers. Then she opened up.

Monday was a bit better, only took like 15 - 20 min to get her to open. I feel like were making headway. She has filled out the worksheets, almost all of them. this helps me alot. we leave little notes around the house and stuff, like we used to. So I'm feeling good we will get passed this.

yesterday is when my S left to her mom's and left me a letter. She's understands my feelings and that she does try to take them into concideration. Said that lately she has been missing her own (her feelings I think). She told me I have every right to be jealous, watchful and leery of her trust and doesn't blame me for it. She knows that we didn't get this way overnight and it isn't going to get better over night (for some reason she keeps thinking that I think this will resolve itself in a week, when i tell her it's not). She's reluctant to change so fast or quickly dismiss any thing right now, and she hopes to do the right thing. Then she brings up the OP telling her that it's her decision and that what ever decision she makes will be the right one (this upset me). She did say she felt the last few days were good but still sad. she said she was glad that I am willing to work this out but doesn't like all the papers and stuff pushed on her.

the one thing that hit me was when I checked my ways to spy on her, she text his email address to her phone which hit me hard. another thing to talk about when she gets home tomorrow.

I'm still a bit confused, any thoughts or interpetations?

Lost

one of the things i was going to do was give her a choice tomorrow when she gets home, after we talk ofcourse. Us (her and I and our daughter and I) or him. I don't want to toss this marriage away because it is very fixable. how long do you wait for a S to get rid of the OP before you say forget it. I know the ideal would be right away. I will ask her if she was going to or has contacted him while she was gone. I know she had the intent, so i was to see if she will be truthful. In investigation will be my proof.

lost

Lost,

Hi, I know things are really hard right now but, it is a little fast to start thinking to give up. You make it sound like things are starting to get better. Give it a little time she is probably in the fog. Have you read much on this site? You don't need to give her that choice it is going to push her away. Have both of you wrote and sent a no contact letter? How about a joint agreement? You should have those passwords and she shouldn't be doing anything with out joint agreement. I know things must be ruff with the medical news she has found out. I go in Tuesday for a biopsy. You really need to read everything you can on this site it will give you so much information. You might even think about posting your message on the general discussion II forum there are several experienced vets there that are extremely helpful! I am knew at this myself but, I do know that with time and the MB's ideas M can be saved. Good luck to you and keep your head up. I don't like that the bs have to work so hard after, we weren't the ones to do the damage but, we are the ones that have to pull them out of the fog and back into our lives. Make sure you are meeting all of her top EN's. Keep us posted SW

Hi Soliders Wife

I thought we were making headway before she left until I found out she texted his email address to her phone. Also leaving me the letter with his thoughts in it as well. I had emailed her several times over the couple of days she's been gone and texted her as well. The emails started off with a reply to her letter. She had told me yesterday she read them and was upset. One for telling work. I told her my reasons for it since we all three work at the same place. I expressed my feelings again. I told her I couldn't force her to do anything and the decision is hers. I told her I felt she was the one throwing in the towel because she wants to keep OP in the picture. She brought up that our personal lives were to be kept out of work and that I told my two supervisors and HR, word is only going to get around. I mention, her telling another man and then running into his arms. I appologised after that. I was getting frusterated. I reversed the situation again and said she would be expecting it, even demanding that OP would be gone. I asked why is this ok for her and not for me. She never answered. I said if she really wants to work this out, we can. She knows my position, and I told her all I can do is work on meeting her needs until then. When she is ready to put 100% into it, we can help guide each other through the steps back to being happy. I have told her if she's looking for support this would be the best place to go. I told her right now all her decisions has been coming from OP indirectly. She doesn't see this. I hope she will take my advise and seek help here and not from OP.

She has not wrote a no contact letter. I wrote two to OP and he blew the first one off and the second one he must have been scared because he's telling S to erase everything.

As of right now, I'm commited. I went through a wide range of emotions the 2.5 days she was gone. I read about depression on the site, well almost all the material on the site. I thought, I'm pretty strong minded and been through a lot in my life, depression isn't going to hit me. I was wrong. I never felt the way I did those few days. I still do, but not as bad now. I told her this as well. I went through feeling crushed and sad, to hating her and wishing her to hll, back to being sad and back to loving her.

I gave her some things to think about. She knows I have made changes that she wanted from the worksheets. I think some I managed to pull off in such short amount of time with as drastic as they are. Later today, we had set some time to head up to the mountain and play in the snow. I'm sure that will work out good.

I also told her that we are both to blame for making each other unhappy. I said that she has nobody to blame for going to another person. I said that i would have been hurt but happy if she would have talked with me. truth may have hurt that she was not happy, but it could have started the fixing process and not be in the situation we are in. we cant change the past, but we can learn from it to prevent it from happening in the future.

This will be a tough road, but I feel this is all very fixable. Only time will tell. Thank you.

Lost