WH has finally talked with Steve Harley. Last week, WH missed his original appointment for some reason. He then sent me an email saying that he had rescheduled for Tuesday (yesterday). Being the habitual liar that he is, he couldn't even tell the truth about that. His session was actually today (Wednesday). Lie? Confusion? Who knows!

When I got home from work, there was an email from WH. He said that I was right, that the time spent with Steve was definitely worthwhile and much superior to the MC we tried last year. (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'M ACTUALLY RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING!!!!) He said that Steve requested that we have a joint appointment after Steve's holiday.

I don't know where this is going but it's good to have some movement. However, I hope WH has a place to get his turkey because I'm not breaking Plan B just for this. There'd have to be something like an 8.2 on the seismic scale for that to happen.

Question: Does anybody know if Steve has the capability to do calls as conference calls? I don't think it's possible for both WH and I to be together in the same physical location for this.

Hey GG, that's awesome - Maybe WS did just give you the wrong date. Look on the bright side. That's all pretty good news!

You would call him I believe (atleast that's how my session worked), and then you could do the three way call. Couldn't you.

It is some positive movement though Grape.

gg,

Well,

Since you have been the be all and end all in all of this mess, why on earth would you miss a Harley session? You have done all so far, so what is going on? Do you want WS to do this on his own? Do you still want your M?

Hopefully you can do 3 way calling it is all good, if not, and you still want all this, go ahead and break plan B, if only this one time.

My VHO is tough love. If WS wants to do the work, let him, in my VHO which I have stated once before, is that you are by far to enabling, you have done everything and H has had to do nothing so far. He needs to do a bit of work. It does sound encouraging, and I do not have enough info besides what you have said. And what I heard is that you have done all and WS has done not much. Do you want him to do more? What is it that you want?

Go ahead a flame me all, but GG has done everything so far, with WS, kids, etc, so why NOT? LOL. Don't mean to be disrespectful.

God Bless, this is a good sign to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Hi weaver!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

GrapeGirl -

Just wanted to say that it seems to be a VERY positive sign here with your WH. Very good. I don't want to get too excited for you as I don't want to jinx anything.....But I'm jumping up and down & rooting for ya right now!!

Most phone plan have 3-way calling on them now. You just have to check with your phone company and see how to work it. It's pretty easy to do.

Kim

HI!!!! It is so good to see your presence on here again, after your hiatus. I think this board needs your loving grace Miss M. I know it sure warms my heart every single time I read one of your posts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WH sent me another email last night saying that Steve wanted to have an individual session with me to discuss WH's session. Then Steve wants another with WH before we do a joint one. Well, that makes the ca-ching sound but is definitely less than lawyer time.

I'm in a wait-and-see holding pattern. Yes, I have been the person who has done everything thing: kids, house, scheduling, etc. Making my appointment is about as far as I am going.

I do not want WH or my old marriage back. If it's a new, committed marriage with a changed H and a changed me, I'll go from there. Mimi assures me that people CAN change. If nothing else, maybe communicating with Steve will make whatever we do go more smoothly.

I remain in Plan B until we have our joint appointment.

You can't change people....but they can change themselves!!

Have faith....I am living evidence of this!

I SOOOO agree with these statements made by AHUMAN...

My FWH has definitely changed HIMSELF..

I sit back in ABSOLUTE AMAZEMENT as he continues to change day by day...

A man who has been distanced/estranged from his children for years now has lengthy daily phone conversations with our OS..

Our son calls ME, looking for "Daddy"...truly AMAZING...

Grape, in regards to you, I think it is really SIGNIFICANT that your WH has become invested in sessions with Steve H...I suspect that Steve gave him specific directions on how to proceed with regards to E-Mailing you, etc. about arranging the appointments..

So your mission now, if you choose to accept, is to schedule your own session with Steve...

We will be panting as we wait to hear what you learn in your individual session...

YES..REMAIN ABSOLUTELY DARK UNTIL THEN...THROUGHOUT THANKSGIVING...IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAINTAIN YOUR WH'S MOTIVATION TO CHANGE..IT IS IMPORTANT NOT TO ENABLE HIM...

YOU GO, GRAPE GIRL!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Grapegirl,

Mimi and her H have recovered their marriage from a LTA ... my gut feeling tells me her advice is spot-on.
Stay dark and protect your heart, but remain receptive for change. Keep your boundaries, but re-enforce and acknowlegde your H's improvements...

Crossing my heart, my fingers, and holding my thumbs tight for you and your family...

(((((grapegirl)))))

This is all so unbelievable, I'm bumping it.

GG, you had one of the wilder stories on here. If your marriage can recover -- and Mimi's -- just about anyone's can.

Great news!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I feel like limbo-land. It'll be almost 2 weeks before I can have an appointment with Steve. Meanwhile, I'm staying desperately dark. I wonder just how much WH got out of his session. I do know that WH hasn't shown up on my doorstep with a bunch of flowers. Doubtful that I'd let him in anyway.

I'm curious, what does Steve tell WS? How does he handle them? Stern? A listener? Does he take his little metaphorical hammer out and put chinks in the wayward wall? What does a WS get out of it? The thought that Steve dictates sentences for WH to send to me is very interesting.

I can do a lot of thinking in the next 2 weeks. I'm not settling for what I had. After being alone for a year, it would take quite a bit of change in WH for stuff to happen.

It's been a pretty strange trip so far. I'm sure it'll stay weird.

Hi GG,

Well....given description of your WS's behaviour to date...this is definitely a step in the right direction!

I agree with everyone here, though. Remain cautious and dark, and definitely hopeful!

HUGS.

Grape you said:



Try to really ENJOY this time alone. Since you will be DARK, you won't have the intrusion of a WH...or have to work on resolving any issues, etc....



I'm one of the biggest Steve Harley fans there is...However, he is not God or a magician or whatever... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



I can tell you this..Steve is the only therapist/coach that my FWH has really ever found to be helpful to him. I would gather that Steve listens and does not come across as judgemental..Steve was able to fully understand my H's wants and needs from their conversations and then communicate these back to me...

Grape,Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to do what Steve instructs you to do.. Steve describes himself as being a "COACH"..That's why I am referring to his counseling this way..


You see, this is what a COACH does.. Did any of your boys play sports? A coach wants the player to be "coachable".."DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO IN ORDER FOR US TO WIN THIS GAME"....(Our boys weren't always coachable...that's another story.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)


DUH....A lot of change will be necessary...It's taken us a full two plus years in Recovery to become SOMEWHAT NORMAL...still a work very much in progress here...had a major POJA conversation this morning about a number of things...RECOVERY IS HARD...

However, get ready, GRAPE, to do your part...

You are not to BLAME at all for the A..

However, I do think it is important for the BS to recognize her contribution (even if it is small) to the marital problems..

I'm pretty sure that Steve wants you to be OPEN TO THIS MINDSET...


I agree.. MY LIFE IS NOTHING LIKE I WOULD HAVE IMAGINED....

I've learned to BELIEVE THE UNBELIEVABLE...BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE...

Any new work OUTFITS, Goddess? I have on the PINK SWEATER again today..H saying: "You look GOOD"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />