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Am I really that awful that my H cannot make a major effort to reconcile this M?? Am I that bad of a person to be around??
I don't know what is going on with me. I have just taken a major plunge with my emotional state. I can't stop thinking about this whole sitch & wonder how in the world this all came to be. I feel awful.
I feel bad for DS. So Bad. Reading that article posted about the children in D hit me hard. What is DS feeling? Does he feel safe? Does he feel like his Dad has deserted him?? OH MY GOSH. I just can't stand it that he is an involuntary participant in this. He seems happy enough on the exterior.
It's definitely not helping him to hear his Mom wailing uncontrollably. I can't seem to help myself right now. I am so sad.
Maybe it's the holidays coming up. Maybe I am hurting b/c WH just doesn't seem to care. I cannot believe he is throwing away our life together. Was I that terrible of a wife??
I just want to disappear.
The Holidays are going to be hard. Christmas is just around the corner. And WH is going to be just fine with not waking up here on Christmas morning.
somebody please make this stop.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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((Kim)) I am so sorry you are down.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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((((( Kim))))))
I know the feelings your having and they are hard to understand. I think all BS'S feel this at times.
I don't believe you were a bad wife no more that I believe I was. No we are not perfect and I am sure there are things we need to fix in ourselves. But I do believe one thing nothing we ever did was bad enough to cause our WH'S to make the choices they did.
These are the choices they made and yes we are paying the price for them right now. It hurts no doubt somedays the pain is unbearable but ultimately in the end we will become better and stronger for this. We will always be able able to hold our heads up and know we followed the high road.
No matter what happens in our lives we will not be the ones who will live with the regrets and pain knowing what we did tore our families apart. I would never want to be the one who has to live with that on a daily basis.
I agree the holidays are going to be hard for us but we will survive it. To be honest I don't think oue WH"S are going to wake up feeling just fine Christmas morning, they may never admit it but Kim it will bother them, I can almost promise you that.
Keep your faith in the Lord, Kim and pray everyday for his love and tenderness to keep you safe. Remember he will answer our prayers in the way he sees fit. We are all in this awful thing together and I for one will be here for you and help just by listening if thats what you need.
Take Care ,
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Kimberly,
I have had the same thoughts and feelings. I would think, OK, I know I'm not perfect, but how could you not like me? I'm so nice, easy going, etc. When I am thinking rationally I can say we are not awful. Remember, the affair is not about us - it's really about them. It's about how they feel about themselves. They are looking for answers in all the wrong places. My WH has been acting so out of character that I feel he has just been struck dumb! He is temporarily insane. And don't forget, they all regret it sooner or later. You are not alone. Just from your posts I've read, I can assure you that you are a wonderful person, worthy of the love of another. Don't give up. Remember, Christmas is the season of miracles.
S.
Me/BS 48
Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child
Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05
WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05
WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06
12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture)
2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late.
WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.
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Kim, you think you feel bad? Just imagine how horrible he is going to feel spending Christmas all alone. The holidays are a HUGE wake up call for WS'! They either spend it alone or with some strange family and it is no picnic. He will not be fine, he will be in BAD SHAPE. Trust me.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank God for all of you. Thank God for MB and Thank God for my DS.
I will get through this.....I can shake this feeling.
Thank you all....
It is hard right now not to be bitter. I trust that you are right ML. You ususally are.
Hurting, Shattered, Faithful & MelodyLane thank you for being my friends and supporting me. I know I am no different than any other BS out there.....The pain is felt by all. It just seems overwhelming at times.
I have had a good cry, turned the music on really loud and danced crazy with DS.
The hurt goes on, but not as bad right now.....
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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(((Kim))) I wish I knew something profound to say... but I don't, just that I understand. But I just remember what my 6yo said when none of her cousins would play with her: "Mommy, no one likes me, no one will play with me, what is wrong with those people." She is 6 and she gets it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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My heart just hurts for you. I am so sorry. I can certainly understand as I have had similar thoughts. I do think it could be the holidays adding to an already sad and stressful situation. I keep thinking about how I never would have imagined this a year ago this time. On my way to work yesterday and today I heard Christmas songs and just cried. I finally pulled out some JImmy Buffet CDs, turned off the radio, listened to the CDs and finished my commute. It did help. (((HUG)))
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((KIM)) Holidays are tough -- I have done Christmas and Easter all by myself. We are stronger than we know it -- We make new traditions and we keep that happy face for our kids. I know that my wh was in a deep deep depression the week of Christmas they do suffer. Last year when I was an emotional wreck - my poor little guy would listen to me sobbing too! And I hope to God that my kids are not damaged by what their parents are doing. I am so very lucky that my parents and my wh parents are filling in some gaps. Now I'm crying <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. tdr
BS me 38
WH 34
OW 28
DDay-03/17/04
M 10 yrs
DS 10, DD, 7
OW and WH broke up Aug 07
WH home ...Nothings changed no remorse I hate everyminute of him being home I want out!!!!
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Thanks Jean, SOT and TDR --- I know you have/are all feeling these feelings too. Mark this day as pity party day(o.k., not my first....) for me. I can't help but think about DS. And Christmas Music is the last thing I want to hear right now. TDR, sorry didn't mean to get you crying too!!! I know deep down I am strong. I just have to reach in further and pull that back out...... Just got done putting DS to bed. I asked him what was his favorite thing to do in the whole wide world - He said play with my friends. I said That's great, it's good to have friends. What else do you like to do? He said "Spend time with you." And he smiled at me in a way that only your own child can do..... I am so blessed to have him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Couldn't resist sending this along to you, as it helped put some things into perspective for me and I think it is so often so true... Read what Frank Pittman says about 'romantic infidelity' ROMANTIC INFIDELITY
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate-someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own-is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born-any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.
Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and willing to give up every-thing. Men in love lose their heads-at least for a while. MSA
BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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MSA - Thank you so much for posting that!!! That so describes my WH. His romantic parnter(OW) is a "damsel in distress". No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape. I sometimes have a hard time believing that this is ever going to burn itself out. I hope when it eventually does that my love will still be there for my H. I know I am still fresh in Plan B. I know that eventually he is going to see the sacrifices that he is made to further this awful R. I pray Hurting's pray every day and night - "Lord, Please make OW's heart turn to stone for WH. Have her see the WH is not the right choice for her. And no matter how hard WH tries to find OW, he will not be able to find her." then I do the reverse with WH. I pray for God to turn WH's heart to stone for OW. Thank you so much for sharing tha information. I am so tempted to print things like that for WH, especially the one article about children and D. But I know it will do no good. No point in trying to educate an alien. Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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And Kim, don't forget Philippians 4:13! When I first began posting to you, I was overcome with the strong urge to pray for you on several occasions while I was posting. I have never had that happen. I regularly pray for posters but I felt a strong need to stop posting and pray for you right then. That verse always came to mind. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Am I that bad of a person to be around?? Kim: Truthfully, I think you are a pretty "bad" person to be around, and I pretty much can't stand you...so, who knows....? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Come on girl.....it is ok, another storm coming,, you'll weather this one as you have the others.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Am I that bad of a person to be around?? Kim: Truthfully, I think you are a pretty "bad" person to be around, and I pretty much can't stand you...so, who knows....? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> All that crow ruint his brain! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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All that crow ruint his brain! :ro ruint lleyes: Only a Texican would use the word "ruint"....Damn Texans...we should have built the dang border EXCLUDING that state.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Texicans act like Texas is their own country anyway......Away with them... Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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"Ruint" is a damn fine word, you yankee dawg! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"Ruint" is a damn fine word, you yankee dawg! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> And while I am at it...I also hate Texas words like: "Fixing" to go shopping...... "Y'all"....... "Making" an A on a test..... GRRRRRRRR <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Don't hate us because all y'all silly yankees can't speak proper English. GOOD GOD. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And Kim, don't forget Philippians 4:13! When I first began posting to you, I was overcome with the strong urge to pray for you on several occasions while I was posting. I have never had that happen. I regularly pray for posters but I felt a strong need to stop posting and pray for you right then. That verse always came to mind. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I've seen that printed on a bracelet in a catalog that I've been holding onto.......I have been throwing all of my "Christmas" catalogs away, but have held onto that one for some reason. I think I will get that bracelet to wear as part of my armor. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Yes, I can. MelodyLane, thank you so much for your prayers. I know God has put you here for so many, but especially for me.....I tell my sister about the posters on this site often, and was telling her about the time when I woke up at 1:30 in the morning with the urge to call WH. This was when I was only a week or so into Plan B. Instead of calling him, I came here and posted. Low and behold, you were here and helped me get through that urge. I told my sister how you were my guardian angel that night. Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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