I am just wondering how many out there can really say they trust their spouse without any doubt?
Well i can say i always said it would never happen to me i could trust my H.Well it happened to me.I lost trust for a while.
Now looking back over what has came from this over the last eleven months,and how we found this love we never knew exsisted.I can say with 110% that i do trust my H again.We both grew and learned so much of what life now has to offer.

#1mom

I do believe that one day i will be able to have trust back in my FWH. We are only 5 months into recovery and he has been doing big things and even the little things to prove that he is 100% committed to rebuilding our M. I was like you I never thought it would happen to me but boy was I wrong. We havent had any setbacks and the truth about the whole A came out right away and he never denied anything about it and has told me the things that I've wanted to know.
I dont really know your whole story but Its so nice to hear a good thing come out of these boards. I would keep your eyes open still and watch for everything I know i still will until I know I can truly 100% have no doubts about where my H is and what he is doing...Its easy now he is off fighting a war but I have a good feeling for you although i dont know you and I have a very optimistic outlook on my M to recover from his A. Best of Luck to you and your h!

I'd find it very hard to trust my WH (STBX) again.

It's devastating enough for the BS when the WH has an affair - but it's even worse when they leave you for the OP.

He's shown no remorse or regret - thinks he's just made a minor lifestyle adjustment and that things will all work out for the best for everyone.

His leaving almost destroyed our children. If it was just for myself I might find it easier to trust him again (assuming he ever wanted to come back) but I couldn't put the children through anything like this ever again.

Alph.

That is almost exactly how I feel. If we didn't have children, I would probably have an easier time thinking of reconciliation. But, I can't put the kids through this again, it is ripping their hearts out.

I am not divorcing because of the A, I know we could reconcile after that. It is his refusal to act responsibly towards his family, esp the kids.

I honestly think I could trust his fidelity again (genital wise) quicker than I could ever trust his heart and ability to express himself. I just don't think he knows what he needs enough to express it, and I know he doesn't trust me with sharing the info he does have.

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I am not divorcing because of the A, I know we could reconcile after that. It is his refusal to act responsibly towards his family, esp the kids.

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This is well said Jean36-it made me realized why I am so angry at my WH b/c he is acting so irresponsible towards us, esp. the kids. I can't believe his selfishness. If I can trust him to do the right thing by the kids and I again then I can get over the infidelity.

Thanks for the replys.
a little backround my H had a two month A with a co-w. I found out,it stopped right there.He got a new job.WE kept all our feeling locked up inside.After this came out,so did our feelings.We never knew how much we loved eachother.The only setback was since all these feelings came pouring out he did'nt have the courage to tell me they had sex five times.He was scared.It took five months and her calling.He regrets that he was so blind and did'nt see everything i was doing back then.

Since i see everything that he has changed,and what a better person he has become it makes it a little easier to trust again.The person he is now i never knew couls exisit.Don't get me wrong i still do get nervous at times.

#1mom

Thats what has made it easier for me to deal with is my H being so honest with me about it and not hiding anything back. My H had a ONS while he was home on his leave from Iraq. The love letters also help that I get from my H, phone calls are better but love letters are nice also!
I dont doubt that your keeping you eye out we have to keep our guard up! Im glad that you and your H have found a new love for one another....I know my H and I have! Its wonderful!

Trust is the hardest thing a BS can give back to a WS. The one you originally trusted is the same person that destroyed the person you once were, and that is simply devestating.

But, if both have a common goal that is clearly mapped out, along with guidance (counseling of some sort) and effort from both, then I do believe that level of trust can come back again.

I have forgiven my FWW and it feels good to trust her again. I hope the best for everyone else so they can get to that place again some day.

I am too early in our recovery for me to trust my H yet and I harbor fears I never will be able to again still. But I am inspired with the notion of some of the posts here that others have learned to reestablish it. It’s been 2 ½ months since D-day and A ended 3 ½ months ago and trust has always been a big issue with me. I do not lie and have never lied to my H. I may have withheld the truth till I deemed the better time to be straight up with him in a manner of not mentioning something to him till a better time ( like when the kids did something naughty). I am not a very trusting person by nature, and even before H’s A I do not consider that he was always honest with me– his were lies by omissions where in the truth only ever came out from him usually after I learned on my own and I confronted him as to why did you not tell me? IE be honest with me about this. These more often than not were done as a means to protect me from his own concerns and worries but I’d rather have it straight up regardless. We have since discussed this and he is working on it so he tells me. Trust is a big issue with H right now too, rather my lack of trust in him. Gather I never really let on that I did not really trust him fully before because of his lies of omissions. He get’s hurt now when I question him and of course my questions are symptoms of my current distrust because of his A so it is a not so simple matter of cause and effect complicated by his memory loss. Of course when he gets hurt I get hurt and angry and remind him–which does us no good--cause I don’t want to hurt him but I do what to be “real” about this. I do think though reading through this site that I do need to learn to reassure him of my desire to learn to trust him again–mayhaps fully this time.

#1Mom, I envy you your relationship and recovery. I am desperately hoping that both H and I can find such a place.