Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396
Though I've told my FWW that I forgive her, I still have the obvious thoughts and some remaining questions. She has always answered my questions truthfully and to the point. As bad as that may seem (depending on the question) I am very grateful for her honesty and effort in helping me move on.

On a scale from 1 to 5, I've asked all the hardest and most hurtful questions ranked as 5, as well as many others that rank lower. Those questions were asked very early in our recovery and they were the hardest hitting questions with the worst possible answers (mostly regarding PA). Again, she held nothing back and gave me every detail to every question that I wanted to know.

Last night we were talking about how things are feeling very good between us and I credited her for much of this because of her answering my questions with honesty and the progress we've made in IC. Recently I had a nightmare (which I haven't had in about 2 months) and this stirred up questions that I never asked her because I felt I was not ready to hear the answers. I told her that I still had a few questions that I was ready to hear, so she reached for a beer and answered away.

Strangely, I actually laughed at some of the answers. Maybe this is because I've been able to put some things into perspective and was somewhat prepared for the answers, or maybe because they were really funny in an ironic way. Not sure, but we both laughed.

I slept very good last night because I felt this was another hurdle I got past and one less thing for me to dwell upon. Months ago I wouldn't have been able to ask those questions, but now, because of the love we have for each other and the progress we've made, I was able to hear the answers and still know that my wife loves me as much as I love her.


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
That is good to hear!


BW (Me) 32 WH 43 D-Day 5/25 DS-9 DS-3 In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,150
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,150
This is an example of great mutual trust and 'trust-building'. You're doing great!! Tell you what, why don't you do something extra special for her this evening? Some flowers or a special card, or surprise her with dinner out, or anything that would fill her L$B.

Just reinforce that no matter how painful the truth, Honesty is a VALUABLE emotional need that will cement your bond. No secrets means you and she are truly becoming best friends again, no??

After there are no more questions the next step is 'forgetness'. Did I say that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You bet I did!


[color:"#39395A"]***Well, it's sort of hard to still wonder if you were consolation prize in the midst of being cherished.***
- Noodle[/color]

Devastation Day: Aug 26, 2004
[color:"#2964d8"]"I think we have come out on the other side... meaning that we love each other more than we ever did when we loved each other most." [/color]
[color:"#7b9af7"]
~Archibald MacLeish[/color]

Very Happily Married
Me FBS - 44
Him FWS - 51
I married him all over again, May 07
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 243
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 243
So happy for you. I remember that some of the questions my FWH answered made me laugh too. Its strange to think that the answers they think will be the most damaging are not necessarily the ones that haunt you. I always said to tell me the truth because my imagination was 10x worse than the reality. Keep up the great work.

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 243
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 243
OT: Hey its nice to see the sun again.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813
I'm so happy for you (and your W)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless to both of you,
Suzet

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 615
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 615
Laugh? Heck, some of the things my H told me in response to my questions made me need to leave the room before I humiliated him with my hysterics!

That brutal honesty you describe is probably the most important factor in healing the trust, it's WONDERFUL that your wife realizes this. It's a shame more FWS's don't. So many more marriages could be recovering instead of crumbling.

10Swords had a great idea, though--make sure you're filling W's love bank in return so she feels motivated to keep up the good work!


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 233 guests, and 83 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
yourhomify, jenicamartin1308, Michael Robinson, Annette Joe, kyliesmith
71,994 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
I didn’t have a chance
by Open Leaf - 05/20/25 07:15 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by Open Leaf - 05/16/25 12:57 PM
Lack of sex - anyway to fix it?
by Open Leaf - 05/13/25 10:42 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,506
Members71,995
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5