Though I've told my FWW that I forgive her, I still have the obvious thoughts and some remaining questions. She has always answered my questions truthfully and to the point. As bad as that may seem (depending on the question) I am very grateful for her honesty and effort in helping me move on.

On a scale from 1 to 5, I've asked all the hardest and most hurtful questions ranked as 5, as well as many others that rank lower. Those questions were asked very early in our recovery and they were the hardest hitting questions with the worst possible answers (mostly regarding PA). Again, she held nothing back and gave me every detail to every question that I wanted to know.

Last night we were talking about how things are feeling very good between us and I credited her for much of this because of her answering my questions with honesty and the progress we've made in IC. Recently I had a nightmare (which I haven't had in about 2 months) and this stirred up questions that I never asked her because I felt I was not ready to hear the answers. I told her that I still had a few questions that I was ready to hear, so she reached for a beer and answered away.

Strangely, I actually laughed at some of the answers. Maybe this is because I've been able to put some things into perspective and was somewhat prepared for the answers, or maybe because they were really funny in an ironic way. Not sure, but we both laughed.

I slept very good last night because I felt this was another hurdle I got past and one less thing for me to dwell upon. Months ago I wouldn't have been able to ask those questions, but now, because of the love we have for each other and the progress we've made, I was able to hear the answers and still know that my wife loves me as much as I love her.

That is good to hear!

This is an example of great mutual trust and 'trust-building'. You're doing great!! Tell you what, why don't you do something extra special for her this evening? Some flowers or a special card, or surprise her with dinner out, or anything that would fill her L$B.

Just reinforce that no matter how painful the truth, Honesty is a VALUABLE emotional need that will cement your bond. No secrets means you and she are truly becoming best friends again, no??

After there are no more questions the next step is 'forgetness'. Did I say that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You bet I did!

So happy for you. I remember that some of the questions my FWH answered made me laugh too. Its strange to think that the answers they think will be the most damaging are not necessarily the ones that haunt you. I always said to tell me the truth because my imagination was 10x worse than the reality. Keep up the great work.

OT: Hey its nice to see the sun again.

I'm so happy for you (and your W)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless to both of you,
Suzet

Laugh? Heck, some of the things my H told me in response to my questions made me need to leave the room before I humiliated him with my hysterics!

That brutal honesty you describe is probably the most important factor in healing the trust, it's WONDERFUL that your wife realizes this. It's a shame more FWS's don't. So many more marriages could be recovering instead of crumbling.

10Swords had a great idea, though--make sure you're filling W's love bank in return so she feels motivated to keep up the good work!