When things were bad with my H and I, I looked to God. I went to church and prayed and was saddened to see the couples there together, knowing my H was at home, that i could not share my faith with my H. Later i found that while i was there, my H was talking to the OW. Since D-day i have not been able to go back to church. Religion has always been an issue with us. But now i find myself questioning my faith. This was the answer God gave me to my questions. They say that God only gives you as much as you can handle...well i have handled enough...i am ready for the bright side...please God bring it on soon.

I always look at Job. He lost everything he had along with his children, but his wife survived to remind him of his misery. Then his friends came to tell him he must have done something wrong to have deserved such a punishment. And there he sat covered with boils in painful misery sitting in ashes hoping for relief. His friends did not even speak for a week to him grieved over his pain before they started in on him. Yet God let him endure the suffering as a future testimony to others. He was the only man pointed out in the old testament as having one wife. He is the only man pointed out by God to Satan as being someone worth considering. God had a purpose for Job's suffering and it was to let us know that God knew Job, knew of his righteousness and his love of Him, and God blessed Job for it.

After D-day I had a real nasty attitude towards God. Simply put I said, "When I die God and I are gonna have a serious talk." I hated God because he allowed this to happen. He allowed the OM to approach my wife and did not give my wife the strength to overcome this temptation. Obviously, my anger was misdirected.

Well, time has gone by and our views have changed. I no longer blame God (or Satan) for what happened because the A occured of her own free will. She was the one to say "yes" and she was the one that chose to overstep the line. God didn't make her do anything. Through IC she has discovered many things about herself and why she went down the path that she did.

Over time I saw that. Though God didn't stop this, he did allow both of us the opportunity to make things right. In an strange way I'm thanking God for the opportunity to make things right between us. We are becoming aware of our problems and we have chosen to face them head-on. He may not have stopped it, but I do believe he helped give us the strength to overcome the obstacles that we will encounter so that we can become closer.

God helps those that help themselves.

Losttiger - The sun is shining brighter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is a devotion I wrote long ago about Paul and Silas. Locked in prison and in chains they were still happy and joyful even in the worst of prisons.


Acts 16:25-30 (NIV)
25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the
other prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was such a violent
earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the
prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose. 27 The jailer woke
up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to
kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul shouted,
"Don't harm yourself! We are all here!" 29 The jailer called for lights, rushed
in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and
asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"

Paul and Silas had been beaten and thrown in jail because Paul had commanded a
spirit out of a girl who told fortunes and her owners were unhappy and caused
an uproar in the city. The peace that Paul and Silas had in Christ allowed
them to make the best of their situation by encouraging other prisoners in song
and testimony. An earthquake would have allowed them to escape, but again the
peace of Christ which ruled in them comforted the jailer and kept him from
committing suicide. Although they were physical prisoners, the jailer was the
real prisoner because he was the one who did not know Christ. Had he committed
suicide he would have faced an eternal life as a prisoner in he77.

Real freedom in life comes from knowing Christ and making Him a part of our
lives. While Paul and Silas were held captive they were free in spirit and
were actually able to minister to others around them. It's how our lives
should be. No matter what the situation, our lives should be so free in Christ
that we should be able to minister to others because we have found the peace,
the hope, the happiness, the contentment, the fulfillment that can only come
from Jesus. If you haven't found that relationship with Christ pray that
whatever barriers exist will be removed so that you can become closer to Him.

When i first found out about the A, my mantra was "I put my faith in you" and when i started to feel really lost i would repeat that over and over. The last couple of years, has been a real test of my faith, with me being angry and saying "why me" to , over time, seeing the answers of why it all has happened. Like when my father was diagnosed with cancer...it destroyed me. I am very close to my dad, and this news floored me. I was angry and yet i prayed please if you must take him, do not let him suffer. And i spent 1 year really talking and cherishing my time with him and then when the time came it was so quick and in retrospect i saw that my prayer were answered. I knew that to pray for him to not die would be riduculous, that that was what was in store for him, but i never saw him suffer. So here i am doing the "why me" knowing that i will give myself time. Allowing myself to wallow in my pain. I know that from reading these stories and even before, that this can be a catylist for us to have a better marriage than ever. Sometimes i guess you must take a step back to move forward. I also, in writing this am starting to see what it is that has spurred my bad feelings. My H was unemployed for a month in Oct. The whole lies and start of what would become his affair started the last time he was unemployed and home on the computer looking for jobs. I think that seeing him on the computer again has really been quite the trigger for me and that my fears are overtaking rational thought. Why is it that most of the time we know the right things to do, and we can hear it in our head the right words, but what comes out of our mouths is something else.

Triggers flip our minds from a rational state to an irrational state. You had a very traumatic experience associated with a series of events. When you see those events in motion again they become a trigger for those past memories where the outcome may or may not be the same. It's like the kid who had a dog bark and bite him, after that anytime he hears a dog bark he naturally assumes the dog is going to bite him again.

What you have to recognize is the triggers and discuss them with your husband. Discuss your fears and let him know so he can understand and comfort you. After all, he was a part of forming the trigger, so why not let him help in doing what he can to remove parts of the trigger that he can.

I am always surprised when I hear people say that adversity shakes thier faith. That doesn't make sense to me. I don't believe in God because I think I am going to get protection from harm [he promises no such thing], but because I have investigated and believe him to be QUITE REAL. That is why I believe in him. My "faith" lies in his existence, not in some imagined trouble free life that was never promised me. I also have faith that Cuba exists, [even though I have never been there] but when adversity happens, it doesn't shake my faith in Cuba's existence. I don't get it.....

Mel

I dont believe in God to get protection either. I am also not fool enough to believe that my life will be trouble free because of God. My belief is that God does have a plan for us and i was having a particularly bad week and like the human i am I vented on the one I love most...God. I know that in time he will reveal his answers to me, he always does. I also know that he forgives me for my anger. What you say is true, but I, on the other hand, am not surprised to see adversity shake ones faith...i see it all the time. Sometimes it take adversity to bring you back to faith. Oh.....I don't know if i am making any sense. I can't seem to put down in words the point i am trying to make. One thing I do know for sure is that I dont want to anger you, you can beat me to a pulp verbally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think when i originally wrote this the thing i was trying to say was this (condensed) I went to church and while i was there he cheated = fear of going back but not = no longer believe in God. I was looking for some support from those in this community who are faithful to help me thru my bad day..I guess i went about it the wrong way.

Side question: What does God "do" for you (this is not loaded, just curious)