SW, what you are going through is all normal post-deployment stuff. Re-integration is HARD, no matter how good the marriage, and yours has the added stress of dealing with infidelity. Go easy on yourself and your H.
One of our hardest re-integrations to memory (H and I have gone through it five times in our 16 years in the Army) was not long after we got to our last duty station. We hadn't even been there two months when he deployed, so we weren't even close to being totally "settled" when he left. When he came back, the kids and I had a routine, we had things unpacked, we'd spent six months living life while he was in the Middle East. He didn't quite know what to *do* when he jumped back in. Like you stated, it was hard knowing where to put all that gear--I bet it sat in our living room for a good two months before we found a permanent "home" for it.
What helped us re-integrate was to get away from home for a little while and figure the family dynamics out again apart from the space constraints. If it's possible, take a week-long trip SOMEWHERE (we went camping and then visiting family). It might be a little easier figuring out the "at-home" stuff after you've worked on your relationships first.
I don't know where you are geographically speaking, but if you're anywhere near Florida (I know a lot of soldiers are returning to Fts. Stewart and Benning, that's where we just left), take advantage of military discounts and "freebies" to get some time away from reality for a little bit. Your hubby probably won't be too keen on the beach (sand isn't their friend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />) but for example, Busch Gardens in Tampa is giving a free one-day admission to active duty servicemembers and up to three dependents. Do some searching, you never know what you might turn up!
