i guess i need to start with some back ground my wife and i have 2 kids. after the berth of our second sex for us just stoped alltogether. we didnt have sex for at least a year after the bearth i under stand about post pardem depression and with mt wife breast feeding that didnt helpwhen my sone was about 2 we found out that she also had indomeetreosis sp? wich is also bad news for me.my wife has since had a hitorectomy sp? also not good. i tryed not to push for sex but it was hardmy son is now 5 and we may have been intomate 4 times in that span.every time i would even think about aproching her i was hit with i dont care about her and that i am a very selfish person all i cared about was sex. I would try to exsplain that i fealt that we were slipping apart but was also rebuffed. so on to the problem. i made a huge mistake!! i was of corse feeling sorry for myself thinking that she realy didnt want me around anymore so i posted a profile on one of the adult personal sites that my friend who is devorced was on. i was on it for about 2 to 3 weeks and didnt realy enjoy it at all i felt realy guilty about it.now i never meat anyone i dint commit adultry but i did e mail a ladie who seemed ok. she liked to have her pic taken and i like to take pic's so i e maild her hopeing just to have someone who might like to just talk with me. but it turned out she was a freek.my wife found the site on my computer and needless to say got very mad! she thinks of it as cheating on her ,and i can fully understand why.she kicked me out of the house but was still willing to try to work things out. thank god i dont know how i could live without her. we begane to comunicate alot more with each outher and i tryed to let her know that i was just looking for attention not sex or evan contact with anouther woman she seemed to be abale to somewhat forgive me. now i know i will have to gain her trust again but i am willing todo what ever it takes to repair our lives together. the day before she let me come back my friend showed me her profile on a simulare sight i could tell that it was reveng or something like that but it still hurt me very badly. but feeling i deserved it I asked her about the site and we fought a bit but i told her that she had every right to get me back and that i understood. after talking about our problems she told me that she cansiled the profile and was dune with that stuff. last week i found a new charge for the sight and found out she never gave it up and has been talking with outher men online and on the phone. my friends have told me that they knew about this and didnt want to get in the middle. i should let you know that it has been a mounth since she let me back home and that we have been havung alot of sex wich has worred me anyway but i was just blind.after i confrunted her about what i had found out she told me that she was useing it to help out a friend of hers find someone.i dint belive her but couldnt tust my feelings any more. and let it go, but in talking with the friend i found that she had lied to me and that she was trying to meet guys. my friend conviced me to install a key logger prog on my computer to find out forshure i wish i hadnt dune it not only did i find out what i didnt whant to know but the guilt i feel is killing me we a suposted to start marrage counsiling soon and she acks and treats me like she still love me and whants to work out our problems but then at noght when im at work she is doing that stuff. What Can I Do? i cnat confrount her she thinks i spy on her and i denie it and i wasnt but now i am and i feel so sick inside i love with my whole heart and soul and cant bear to loose her but how can she say she wants to work it out to me and try to set up meetings with outher men on the side?

Please i Need Help!?!?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

wontstop,

I can realte to some extent to this one. I myself have endometriois I also have a tumor on my ovary in which I am going in for a biopsy on Tuesday. After havinf my son my sex drive dropped drastically. I have later found out that a lot of it was caused by the endometriois. Have you read everything you can on this site? It is a really good step for both of you to take a step and go to MC. Have you done any of the worksheets here on the site? Exspecially the EN's and the joint policy. I would often feel because of my hormonal inblance that I wasn't getting enough of my needs meet to have sex with my H. I always felt like when he would kiss me or hug me theres was a motive for sex. He would try and I would decline. He would do something nice and romantic but then want sex afterwards. I wanted more attention before I was ready to have sex. It does seem strange that she is now wanting sex, has she been put on new meds? She may even be getting those needs meet with some one else and with this needs being meet wanting to have sex with you more often. You sound like you really want to make this work. Read on this site and go to MC. You will find the tools you need to make it work. Hang in there. Keep us posted. SW

Wontstop, go back and maybe search & read Uncle_Brad posts from a couple weeks ago on this forum, similar situation at first. Now things are turned around and your wife is being dishonest...

Unfortunately you don't want to confront her. Unfortunately you must. You and she can't change what you don't acknowledge. If she's defensive, lies, covers up, says you don't trust her etc etc it just shows the depth of the problem. There is hope and help, but you both need to get honest. Have you considered Individual Counseling (IC) to figure out the best way to handle the issue with her? Or marriage counseling?

MSA

Just a quick up date. The day after posting i became determined to push her to comunicate and get to the real anger/hate. i think i did the right thing. she let me have it with both barrels and i understood everything she had to say i fell realy bad aouth all the things she has had botteled up, not all of them to do with me. my thinking for doing this is that i didnt think she would be able to start to heel untill she unloaded all the anger she could at the time. i hope i was right. so far it seem to have helped she does seem more commited to working on our marrage and dosn't seem so uptight about cousiling now as far as of she is still online i dont know because i have stopped useing the logger programe, it made me feel like s**t for doing it. we start cousiling tues and i hope this was a possitive thing

I hope the counseling helps. Honesty is so important, I hope that you and she can be honest to get to the bottom of things. His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley is a great book for this.

MSA