3rd D-day was Monday for me.. Yes H was carrying on his 3rd email affair..He denies any PA. but for some reason I'm not "dwelling" on it as I did in the past.. I'm not saying we don't talk about it every day.. multiple times a day.. but I'm ahle to still function and go about my daily business and even laugh and hug and kiss on him.. I was worried about SF a few nights ago but even that was like nothing had happened. Why is that? Am I nuts for just sweeping it under the rug? I feel like i'm letting him get away with it so easily.. Why am i scared to rock the boat?

LIke i said, we do talk about it.. over and over again and Maybe it's b/c i'm tired of talking about it.. I'm tired of asking the same redundnant questions over and over again that will never have any satisfactory answers. Am I losing love for my H? The affair has stopped or so he says.. Here is what he has done:
1) his cell phone is no longer on vibrate, it stays on ring and it stays where I can see it. no longer hidden.
2) He calls me wheen he leaves from work, on his breaks and on his lunch and we talk the entire time..
3) He gave me all credit cards and he only gets small cash allowances
4) He is not allowed to change passwords to any of his email accounts.. and all email to his account is forward to my email account and I keep records of all outgoing or sent messages.
5) we have made 3 dinner dates this week, just the two of us and we are taking a special trip for the Thanksgiving Holidays.
6) we start marriage counseling, first appointment scheduled after the Holidays and in the meantime, he has found two accountability partners that know us and understand the situation and want to see us togehter workin this out.

And he patiently willingly listens to me when i yell and cry and fuss at him for doing this to me ..yet again.. and he hides no details.. almost wanting to give them up.. So why do i feel i'm losing love for him.. and does this mean I go to plan B? even possible temporary separation just to see if I can even have the kind of life I want wit this man who has proven himself untrustworthy over and over again.

mobo..

call the Harleys...

your husband doesn't understand the basic concepts of fidelity and marriage..........

I'm not even sure there's much point in YOU discussing things with him..
he's jumping through your hoops to appease and quiet you...

have you exposed the two women..
and if not
why not

ark

Forgive me, I'm new here so when you say Contact the Harley's.. Do you mean they will meet with us like marriage counseling? or do you mean write them? How do I do that?

and yes i have exposed the two women. One of the women the content of the email was explicit in nature and that's b/c he met her in a chat room of that nature. She has no morals whatsoever and could care less if he is involved with anyone else.

as far as the other women.. I work with her, my husband and her husband and I have exposed it to her husband.. We all talked and from what it sounds like it was "innocent flirting" and neither of them had any intentions of taking it further. so they say.. of course his words mean very little to me but this OWH and myself are keeping our eyes and ears open and hopefully making it impossible for this to continue.. We work for the same company.. i am the only work who works from home however The OWH works in the office with his wife and my H so He will always be two steps ahead of them.

When you say husband doesn't understand the basic concepts of fidelity.. what exactly does that mean? Are you speaking of Dr Harley's Basic Concepts?

I'm saying that your husband has is not faithful in his marriage with multiple affair partners at the same time..

he's so far removed from treating ANYONE with respect....
and uses pretty much EVERYONE he can for his own fullfillment...

you call the Harleys for phone consultations....have your husband TALK to him..........

how many d-days have you had with different ow in various forms of emotional and physical affair.....

he is a serial cheater......

I am not telling you to give up on your marriage..but I am telling you that you are dealing with a guy who doesn't even understand or see the hurtful actions he perpertrates...

ark

Yes



Because your self esteem has suffered so much that you feel like you can't do any better than this. Your H has carried on at least 3 EA's. That is enough to make ANYONE feel low. You start to feel like you aren't good enough. then you feel like he has a lot of faults, but after all no one is perfect, and this is probably as good as it gets.

This is not as good as it gets.

This is about as bad as it gets.



After Christmas? That is a LONG time from now. A lot can happen in a month. Why are you waiting so long?



Until he opens another secret Yahoo account


I am sorry to sound so pessimistic. I just have a feeling you were all ready thinking these things, and trying to talk yourself otu of them.

Here is a story for you, just in case you haven't all ready heard it before:

If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out. The water is boiling, and the frog knows it is dangerous die, so he jumps out.

If you put a frog into a pot of cold water, on the stove, and slowly turn up the heat, he wills tay in the pot, even when it reaches the boiling point, he will stay and die. He doesn't sense the danger, becuase the heat is slowly turne up, and at each level he adjusts.

Do you see how this story might apply to you?



this is an excellent observation on your part.