The link is in my sig line. If it doesn't open, here's part of that post:
Examples of reverse babble:
WS: I need my own space.
Reverse babble (RB): Yes you do.
WS: I love you but I am not in love with you.
RB: Yes, me too.
WS: You need to move on.
RB: Yes I do. Here is a list of what I need.
1. All bills paid
2. New home, new furniture, etc.
3. New car
4. All Ens met for entire family
5. Children's education all paid for
6. Guaranteed alimony for life
7. Guarantee that you will never be difficult
to deal with.
8. WS meet with Steve/Jennifer or MC and
then show family how WS will keep the
family safe from any harm.
9. WS guarantee he/she will be there to
support family through good times and bad
10. WS never demand anything other than what
the family requests.
11. WS not put demands on family or stress them
out in any way shape or form.
Please share some of the comments you have received and 'we' may be able to give a 'sample' RB response or 2.
Part of reverse babble is to agree, then present something while the WS may be in a state of confusion or wonderment (shocked or confused at your being agreeable). Get in your point and them exit ASAP. Don't say too much. Sometimes I used to nod yes and say no or visa versa. Sounds silly? Well my H was sooo much in the fog, he would just shake his head and walk away. About 2 hours to 2 weeks later I would get a response.
I learned not to take his babble to heart. Eventually I learned to put back some of his responsibility on him.
example:
WS: Go get the D. I don't want to be married to you anymore.
RB: Me too. Go get the D.
WS: Why won't you talk to me? (I was in plan B). Don't you love me?
RB: Hm.... I don't know. Let me get back to you on that.
WS: Where is all the $$ I gave you?
RB: I don't know.
WS: Do you want me to come back?
RB: I don't know.
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Another thing.
Reverse babble is hard to do if you are still very emotional. Can be in plan A but you need to be careful that you are not too sarcastic. Better used in plan B.
Bottom line is to use it to make them think. Don't say too much, learn to look and at other times go 'hmmm.....', makes them wonder about you even when you are gone. In my case, it threw the OW into a frenzy of wonderment. I loved it!!! [Big Grin]
From Medic: OK Gang,
This is the same tactic I taught to G's son. He has a neighborhood bully calling him names and so forth inticing him into a situation. It is simple reverse psychology or what I prefer to call it is "disarming"
Someone [insert name here] wants to pick a fight with you. This can be a neighbor, friend, relative or parent. They start the verbal altercation attempting to be pushing your buttons.
"Your'e FAT" The response would be... Yes, I was thinking that I was overweight right now and was considering to correct that, I'm glad you pointed that out to me. [Get it]? You agree with them and they are taken by surprise. When you agree, you take the power away from them. They must then look for another verbal assault.
Gina was out school shopping for the kids. I had time with Ian alone and showed him how you can use this method to stop a fight. When she got back, I said to him "You know you are a skinny little short kid" He responded appropriately [in my view], I know, your'e right, I am small for my age.
Disarm them, I believe this is what Orchid utilized as well.
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From Relate: What this means is that you should not take personally what he says when he is emotionally confused. One time he feels one way, but the next moment the other. The feelings are real for that moment, but are soon changed.
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WS lines as originally posted by Honey:
RB = reverse babble suggestions
WS: You are so fat, if you lose weight I will come home.
RB: I do have some weight to lose but when I do, I am not sure if I would still want you to come home.
WS: Be a real human.
RB: I am. I have been wondering about you.
WS: You cant come over to my house without permission.
NOTE: This is not reverse babble this is a challenge. Do NOT respond to this. Just nod.
WS: I cant trust you.
RB: Yes, I can't trust you.
WS: You ruined my life.
RB: Yes, you did ruin our lives.
WS: You ruined your life.
RB: Yes, you did ruin our lives.
NOTE how this is the same response.
WS: Your dad had to get you a job, and you have an mba.
RB: Yes he did and it is a good one. He certainly made a good choice. I'll have to tell him thanks. Thanks for reminding me.
WS:I love you. I dont know why I love you, I just do.
RB: You are right, I don't know why I love you also.
WS: She is just a friend (ow number 2)
RB: Wow, with friends like that, why are you out there making enemies? I did give this answer. [Eek!]
WS: I was plan ning on leaving way before the A...
RB: Why didn't you?
WS: I told you I was leaving you for a year.
RB: Leaving for? or Me or your other W?
WS: I never want to live with you again.
RB: Right now, I can see why you would not want to live with caring people anymore.
WS: We can stay married and live apart.
RB: Ok, right after you can show me how to sleep in 2 beds in 2 different homes at the same time. Similar incident, I gave the above response. [Eek!]
WS: This is for the good of the kids.
RB: You certainly are entitled to your opinion. When the children are older, I will share your words of stupidity with them. It will hurt but you are certainly entitled to your opinion. This one happened to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
WS: Just move on with your life.
RB: I am.
WS: You are crazy.
RB: ...and you have been a good teacher.
WS: I might go to counseling if you start to act normal.
RB: I already have. When is your appointment?
WS: It was never the same with ow as you.
RB: I am glad to hear that.
WS: Where did you get those shoes?
NOTE: This is NOT babble. Just answer his question. Don't act like he said it with sarcasism.
WS: I can never live in our house again, there are too many bad memories.
RB: Good idea. When will you be able to get us another home? This one happened to me. [Smile]
Honey, remember that these are JUST SUGGESTIONS. They have to come off as casual and normal as possible. If you have a sarcastic tendancy, you may need to practice so that it comes off as more routine (non-emotional statements than sarcastic).
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WS comments originally posted by Perfect_day:
RB = reverse babble suggestions
WS: Don't expect that by coming back to this village that we will get back together it will never happen!)
RB: Ok.
NOTE: While this may be babble any words said while he is in this state of mind are not comprehended. So don't waste much on him during these times.
WS: I am now in love with OW so get over it
RB: Ok.
NOTE: While this may be babble any words said while he is in this state of mind are not comprehended. So don't waste much on him during these times.
WS: Do you know how easy you made it for me to leave!
RB: Yes you did.
WS: We were just friends but now it's much more than that.
RB: Your knack for picking trashy friends is getting better!
(H has never told me this but told our son in fact this A is now going on right under my nose (I am in plan A as per Steves advice) but I know that one day H might just tell me this & would love to know how to react.
Perfectday, your H is bent on saying things to hurt you. Realize this and then prepare to respond in ways to show that you are not as hurt as you may initially feel. Eventually those hurtful statements will stop or you will become strong enough to even laugh at them. I did.
As much as possible, do not engage in conversations about the A or R. Don't show interest in it. He may be with an OW that pulls his needs out of his soul in order to fill her needs. He has to say some of these stupid things to convince himself that the OW is better than you. Conversations with him fuel that confidence.
I learned to stop telling the WS that I loved him as much during these times. I showed my hurt but I also reduced the A talk. Eventually even thinking about their antics made me laugh a few times I even laughed in his face. Just couldn't help it. It was a combination nervous laugh coupled with just plain silly laugh. It was also a stress reliever.
Remember these are JUST SUGGESTIONS. You need to make sure you are as casual as possible. Remember your intent is to confuse the A. I even asked the WS (at the time), "which OW is this? oh yea, the old one." LOL!!! [Big Grin]
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Those are some exerpts from just page 1. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Hope it helps.
L.
