Thanks ARK
I know the letter wasn't a nice one but like I said it sure felt good getting it down. I HAVE come to my senses now and will keep doing plan A. You have given me alot to think about, I was a little angry and frustrated, missing WH. I have not gotten angry around him on his visits and we are being pleasant to each other. NO LB"S

I am feeling sad and lonely. WH is here visiting the kids. I talk to him and its like I am invisible. He is still living with the ow but his water will be turned on tomorrow in his new apt. I asked him if that is where he is going to live and not with ow, he just looked at me and grinned. What is that supposed to mean? I know he is still in the fog.
I asked him if he has thought about us and he said no...
I wished I could break him out of the misery he is in. He isn't happy.
He doesn't know what he wants and it is killing me. I try not to LB while he's here. I Love him and want this nightmare to go away.
My OS got really angry with him the other night and told him off. Wh said he got off the phone and broke down. He called my son the next day and asked him if he felt any better and my son told him that he doesn't care if he ever sees him again that he is a disappointment to him and that he used to look up to him but now he just pitys him. I guess the truth hurts.
WH told him that he needs counseling (WH not son) because ever since his mom passed away in May something is not right in his brain. At least that is the first step in saying he is depressed. I want to see if he follows through.
I wished he would talk to me instead of my son. I Hope something will get through to him. I FEEL so frustrated any more. I don't call him, I only see him on Sundays.
I don't want my marriage to end I am fighting for it very hard, I love him but feel like I am stuck in a corner and I am the only one trying!!!!!!

Well today Wh was supposed to come over at 8am to pick us up to renew ID cards. He finally showed up at 9:30am. My daughter who has cerebral palsy and I were waiting and waiting, mind you she was missing school. I finally got fed up and took her to school at 9. I came back home and called Wh old boss and asked him if his car was still at ow apt and he said it was. I called the ow asking to talk to my h she said he had left to come and pick us up. He came into the house and said hurry up or he will be late for work. Well I LBed big time..

I told him that he had no reguard for his family and if it took us all day to get the ID cards then too bad for him.
I am sick and tired of his actions, I realize he is in a fog but I had to go without medication for a week because of expired military ID cards. He obviously doesn't give a crap about us, he only has the ow on his mind.

I get so many mixed signals from him.

I told him that I didn't want him to come over or call anymore until the ow was out of the picture and he got into counseling. I need a break from all of this.
I guess it is plan b time but I am unsure how to go about implimenting it and it really scares me too.

I know he misses us. I know he loves me deep in his heart even though I haven't heard the words in awhile.
He did say yesterday when visiting when asked about us dating each other again that he thought it was a good idea but he has to get things done first. What does that mean??
He did say that since his mom passed away in May that he has something screwed up in his head. He never cried or grieved and has been holding it in. My C said that this is part of the problem that he is interalizing. He needs help so bad but until he hits bottom I don't see that happening.

I just got a call from a loan company wanting to speak to him. I hope he isn't trying to get a loan, we can't afford that, he can't even keep up with the bills he has and I don't want to be held responsible for it affair loans.

Please someone help!!!! What to do???

Secure your finances ASAP. Make sure child support is a sure thing. Garnish his wages if necessary.

Why r u talking with OW? You don't need more pain and lies do you?

As for his issues related to his mother's death, those are his issues to resolve. That seems cruel but his A is not a validated by his mother's death. Imagine how his mother would feel knowing that is how her son grieved her passing.
Give that pix to him.

You need to distance yourself from fixing him and stop asking him if he wants to come home or how he feels about you and the children. Just let him feel the pain. Do not offer remedies until he is ready to accept it.

This is the hard part. Pray for that clear mind and calm heart. You have a lot on your hands taking care of your family. Don't try to fix a Ws. Doesn't work. You need your H back before you can help him fix himself.

Talking to a WS is like spitting in the wind. Yuck!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid

The only reason i talked to the ow is because of the ID cards and his phone has been disconnected. I went without medication for over a week and my daughter is on anti seizure meds. All I said to her was I needed to talk to Wh and she said he had left.
I will talk to the attorney I went to checking into my rights and see what she says about the crap he's trying to pull.
I know that I can't fix him, I told him that yesterday and told him also that I didn't want him over here, not to call us anymore right now I can't even stand to look at him... he is a stranger to me.
I told him that once she is gone and he is in counseling and WANTED to work on our marriage I would see how I felt at that time.
His mother loved me so much and I asked him what his mom would think about him and how he is. I told him that she never deserted her family.
I am so tired and I need a break from him!!!!!
I really appreciate your advice Orchid. I need some steering in the right direction. Thank GOD I have IC on Thursday.
I will just leave it in GOD'S hand and keep praying for my Wh to turn back into my H before it is too late.

Can anyone offer any advice on what I should do now to help get the A busted up.

Should I wait awhile longer? I have exposed to everyone I can think of but the A is still going. They have had a couple of fights but WH keeps going back.

He has his own apt but is still over at ow's. The only things that he has from the house is his clothes and hasn't wanted anything else.

I found out about the A in the beginning of July and he moved out in Sept. {After coming home and moving out several times}

I see my H peeking through sometimes but we had a diagreement on Monday and I was angry and LBed and told him that I didn't want him to come over here or call for awhile because I needed a break. We accually haven't had much contact anyway except on Sundays when he visits my daughter.
I don't call him or anything.

My C says that he is so depressed and is in need of help. He told my son that he realizes that something isn't right with him since his mother passed away in May. He said he was going to seek C. I hope that is true. He has lost so much weight and looks like an old man, doesn't even stand up straight anymore. He looks so sad all the time and I know he isn't happy.

My son and I desided that we are tired of watching him destroy his life and that he needs to do something to help himself. I love him so much and it hurts me to see him like this.

What should I do????

****bump****
please

Well, it's the first time in months that my WH has accually listened to me. After we had our disagreement on Monday I told him not to call or come over until the A was over. I told him I needed a break. I hope there is still hope for my marriage. I guess you get what you ask for and I DID.

So should I start plan b?

So he hasn't called since Monday? What r u doing to keep moving forward?

L.

He hardly ever calls, only comes over on Sundays. I'm doing my usual stuff at home taking care of myself, praying, taking care of my daughter.
So what should I BE doing. Just sitting back and let things happen?
I am so confused! Help please....
It's like we don't even exist anymore. I kmow he misses us because he has told me that. I can't fix him but he isn't doing anything to fix himself either. I hate seeing him like that. That's one of the reasons I told him I Needed a break.

R U ready for some reality posting?

Ok, reality is he doesn't miss you. Not the WS side of him. Otherwise, he w/b there for you all 24/7.

Your H misses you but the WS won't let him out. So learn to deal with the WS vs your H. There is a difference how you handle those stupid aliens. You can't feed, cherish or love an alien..... those are things u do for your H and family.

So what can u do now?

Read, work on your personal improvements, identify your personal boundaries, get with good MC (like phone counseling with Steve to get a plan in action 4 u), secure your finances, select your support group (that includes children), keep a journal, take the D walk so you know your options or talk to a lawyer, reassure your children of your love and commitment, move forward with grace and dignity.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Take the EN questionnaire, ready His Needs/Her Needs, Surivivng an affair and Love must be tough. Why? So you will understand what u w/b going through and how t/b prepared.

If you also have time, read the 5 stages of grieving link in my sig thread. It isn't that long but c/b helpful. Keep posting it is therapeutic and can help others as well.

take care,
L.

I HAve been doing plan a.That is till Monday when I LBed all over the place.

I have read Love must be tough, SAA and HN/HN. I HAVE spoken to an attorney and I am marking my calendar with every call and visit from him and also keeping a journal. I just want to know if there is any hope for recovery of my marriage.

I've lost 30 pounds and have taken a good look at myself and am making improvements.

I don't want to give up because I love him. I do not want a divorce. He said he didn't either.

I Really appreciate your help Orchid!!!! I Appreciate any help because I am so confused.

I will read your five stages of grieving.

Well u got the basics down. So when do you see yourself finishing your plan A? Don't be afraid to finish. In fact, completing your plan A is part of your personal recovery. Moving forward to M recovery, plan B or even plan B is better than being stagnant in plan A.

L.

That's what I have been thinking about going into plan b since there really isn't any contact right now. I guess I will have to compose a plan b letter.
Maybe that is why I have been feeling the way I do is because my plan a has become stagnant.

WH doesn't seem to want to end the A. It's like he is telling me what I want to hear and then he goes off on his merry way with the ow.

Okay without even thinking about it I Did something stupid.
I am so sick of bill collectors calling for WH that I called the ow's phone number since WH phone has been disconnected.

I can tell she is bipolar..... all I said that tell WH to pay his bills and she started spewing that my WH wanted her not me and to tell the rest of the family don't ever call her or Wh again. I promptly hung up because I didn't want it to get into a screaming match.

I know I shouldn't have done it but he has the money not me and what I do have I'm not giving him. So what I have decided to do is give the bill collectors her number since it's the only one I have and and let them harrass them for awhile. Should I or shouldn't I?

PLAN B TIME. I Need time to heal and I AM really tired of all the crap. I need peace. God will show me the way.

I will make appt with a lawyer tommorrow so I can find out what else I can do....

Give the bill collectors OW's phone #. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

If you are loosing your love for you H it is time for Plan B....I haven't kept up entirely with your thread so I'm not the best to advise you.....

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this crap.

Kim

Thanks Kim and Orchid
I have decided that I am giving the ow's # to them when they call let them deal with it. Maybe she will see it is not all a bed of roses with him since I was the one to always make sure the bills were paid and now he is on his own.
I am writing my plan b letter now because I don"t want to loose any more love I have for my H. We haven't had any contact since last week. He is so far into fogland he can't tell which way is up.

I tell you all are lifesavers for me, at least I can vent and ask for advice not to mention having someone I can talk to. Thanks so much for helping me.

Your welcome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Turn life's lemons into lemonade. At the very least, it'll drive the Ws/OP crazy. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.