I know what you mean..... I don't think it would hurt to wait a few days and just watch the situation and his actions.... If nothing changes by next weekend then I would give it to him....

This of course is just MHO.....


So if you decide not to do it tmorrow just planA your butt off while he is around..... You can do it ....


Hurting

Okay, I have a gut feeling also that I should wait till next weekend. Hopefully he will talk and get some stuff out with the C. It's his first visit. He was supposed to go a couple of weeks ago but had to work. I told him it is on him to go. I really think he realizes that he needs some help!!!!

Ok then let that be the plan..... I don't see any harm in waiting one more week .....

Follow your gut I say .....

Maybe the IC can help him see what he needs to do ..... You will know by is actions thats for sure

Thanks Hurting, will do.
I am not getting my hopes up again until I know things are going to change!!!!
I am going to plan a my butt off like you said and take it one day at a time.

Good Girl .... thats all you can do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well as expected WH didn't show up today. He did say he might work a double. What ever!! He could have picked up the phone to wish everyone a happy new year but that didn't happen either.

We will see how C goes on Tues. He says he needs help. I sure hope he gets it.

I called WH to remind him of his C appt tomorrow. The only reason I called him about it was the C office called here to remind him.

He said that if he didn't get his other insurance card he will have to pay $100 and he wasn't going to pay it. So if he doesn't get his card tonight he isn't going to his appt.
I should have figure that.

I told him that noone can fix him but himself and that this is his problem to deal with. He said he know it is his problem and he'll handle it.

I told him if he wouldn't take the ow and kids out to eat all the time and buy liquor he could afford this appt. I did but he should have paid for my C appts because he is the one that put me through this.

I told him that I was sick of this mess, it's been going on for almost 7 months and nothing is changing. He has neglected his family. I told him that I don't know how a man that loved and cared fo much for his family could just walk away and not even give us a second glance. Mind you I was not yelling at all. I am just so sick of this crap.

I love him and I still want my h back but if he thinks I am going to sit here and wait forever he has another thing coming.

I messed up didn't I??? I just got to the point where I thought things might be getting better since he was going to C.

Now what should my next move be? Do I have to give him the pbl in person or can I tell him over the phone since I hardly see him anymore?

Please anyone, advice would be appreciated.

World,

All is not lost.... Now listen you LB'ed a little there but I have to say I can understand why.

You don't want to go into planb with this being your last contact. You have got to make some kinda LB deposits before doing this. I know its hard and your like me, your tired of the crap......

I don't think you have blown it at all. You said how you felt and how hurt you are, IMHO he needs to know these things but right now in his state of mind he really does not care but later on he will...

Can you try and do a little more plana for a few days before you hit him with the PBL?

Go nto planb with a good taste in his mouth, that is what he will remember instead of the LB'S....

Maybe someone with more wisdom can help you but I think that would be the best thing to do.....

I know its hard to keep in check believe me I do....

Man we sound so much alike its scary..... I had to plana a few days more myself before planb because I told my WH some things almost like you did yours....

So buckle up for the next few days and plana away... then hit him with the PBL....

Give him the PBL in person, this way he has it to re-read ...... You can refer him back to the letter if need be...


Good Luck


Hurting

Hurtin

Thanks for the advise. I know I shook him up a bit just the way he sounded. I haven't done that in a long time and it was something I had to get off my chest.

Your right, I'll plan a for a little while longer and then I'll give him the pbl. Who knows maybe he will go to C after what I told him tonight...

I have been doing so good with everything, I've been keeping myself in check and going on with my life and taking care of the family. Haven't seen wh in over a week now. I guess I'm doing good with the detaching. I just want my marriage and h back....

By the way, nice pic.

World,

I feel the same way as you ... I just want my H back but I think its a long ways from happening...

I have stated in check 99% of the time myself but the 1% time I didn't was not pretty... And for some reason thats the thing they seem to remember the most.... Its called justifying and this why I left because your so mean to me ....

Thanks about the pic....


Well I gotta go to work. Take Care and buckle up .....

As Tommy from the Rugrats would say... " Hang on to your diappys babies we are in for a bumpy ride. "


Hurting

Have a good night at work... talk to you later.
I hope the air bag doesn't deploy. lol

Do any of you just feel like giving up the fight? I guess today isn't a good day for me. I am feeling so frustrated.

WH hasn't been over here in over a week. I see nothing changing at all. I don't even know if he went to his C appt.

I just seems like he cares less and less about us. I think ow is leading him around by the ba##s. She is very controlling. He has been living with her since Sept and I called the mgt of the apts because he is living with her in low income housing. Nothing has been done.

I haven't given him the pbl because I haven't seen him. I am just so tired of this crap. My daughter is really missing her dad and he doesn't even care. I understand that he is a WH and not my H. I wonder if he will ever come home again because he has it so good over at ow, not paying anything to her. She seems to be meeting his EN's and he doesn't seem to miss us.

Don't get me wrong, love him with all my heart, but how long is a person supposed to wait till they come out of the fog? I don't want my marriage to end.....

Dear W,

Yes, I feel like giving up the fight often, and my WH agreed to "work" on the M! This whole affair stuff is not good, really messes up everyone involved.

In my case, even though there was plenty of evidence to the contrary, I believed the lies my WH told me and moved several states over to be with him...at the time, and still to this day, the buz my WH bought still has not broke even. Without me he would not have any $ to live, basically be on the streets. My older sons wished I hadn't moved and wished their D was on the streets to feel the affects of what he has done. It is interesting about your DS's reaction, very similar to my middle son, who is also 21. My oldest has good and bad days with him.

In some ways I envy you that your WH chose to leave. For you, it is probably better than him living with you continuing the A. IMHO, I would let him lie in his own mess, even if he breaks up with the OW. After he gets himself together, proves to you that he is serious about mending the M, then let him back in. I think the whole dating thing is to keep you at bay and it is classic cake-eater mentality. You should definitely plan B as soon as possible for your own mental health. Your DD deserves one parent who is stable and can take care of her. You deserve peace and time to heal. It seems like you are getting desparate, and from what I've read on this site, that never attracts a WS back...good luck!!

Nabohio
Thanks for your reply.

I just wonder since he is pushing himself further away from us if he will ever return home.

I don't call him and his visits are getting less and less. Believe me WH will not return until he can prove to me that he wants to work on the M.

God knows I don't want to sound desparate, I am trying to be patient but it seems like it will never end.

I think he is plan being us. The very next time I see him, he will get the pbl. I need peace right now. It's funny I do better when he doesn't come around. When he does I fall apart when he leaves.

This just doesn't make sense what he is doing. Stupid man!

I guess it's D time. Wh is calling attorneys, I just talked to my attorney and he called there to get quotes for divorce. Now they don't know if they can represent me. This makes no sense because I was the one who went to her first. He hasn't retained her or anything.

What do I do? Please help me someone my world is crashing around me.

I just talked to the attorney again, they said they can represent me and WH will have to go somewhere else. They also told me that I can just file a petition for D and they can put it on hold for around 9 months to see if we can work it out. After that they can dismiss it or continue.

WH called and said he hasn't filed yet and doesn't know what to do. He said that I better quit leaving nasty voice mails on his phone....I have not called him or have I done this. He said it sure sounds like you. I told him to look it up on the computer on white pages. He said good idea, but he does'nt believe me anyway. He also blamed me for him getting fired from his job in August. I had nothing to do with that. Yes, his ex-boss is a friend of mine but she knew about the A way before I did. They wrote him up numerous times and then fired him. What is his problem. He can't take responsiblity for his own actions. He has to take it out on me. I am not the one who had the A and I will not take responsibilty for it.

My C said today that something really bad has to happen to wake him up. He didn't go to his C appt either. I told him that I needed to see some actions that he wants to work on our marriage. He is so angry about everything.

My son said that he didn't want anything to do with his dad anymore and that the neighbors are more of a father figure to him than his own dad has been these last months.

So what should I do? Should I do the filing and wait to see what happens, that way I will be the plantiff? Or should I wait for him?

I know almost nothing about legal matters, but if it were me, unless I needed to file to get child or spousal support, I'd put it all on him and make him do all the work.

If I did need to file to make him pay support, I would drag it out as long as possible.

Don't worry too much either way. Even if it goes through, you can always remarry if he shapes up.

Thanks for your reply.
I am just so confused on what to do anymore. He won't have to pay child support because the kids are grown. I don't know about my daughter since she is disabled. I remember the judge saying when H adopted her that if anything ever happened to our marriage he would be responsible to support her.

I know I can get spousal support but I don't really need it right now.

I guess I will wait a couple of months to see how things go.

What about plan b? I was going to give him the letter but haven't seen him?

You can mail or email it, too. You don't have to see him in person.

IMO, you should go ahead and get what you can, even if you just set it aside for when he comes back. At least it's money he can't blow on the A, and it will be helpful to your cause to have him face as many consequences of leaving as possible.

If I mail him the pbl the ow will probably get it since he is living with her. Thats the only address I have.

Why is he so mad at me. Everything is my fault. I am so upset with this whole situation. My family that I love is crumbling around me. All I ever did was love him and support him in amyway I could, including 22 years in the military. This is the thanks I get!!!!!

I hope the ow shows her true colors soon because I feel like my marriage is fading fast.