DELETED....

This was the MB article she sent him, written by Ark.

Re: An internet affair become an EA and "almost " a PA, I crossed the line [Re: ladysheep]
#2859072 - 11/10/05 11:28 AM
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Here is the picture....

when someone awakes post-op from surgery to remove cancer or questionable cells/tissue their first conscious thought and their first question asked is ...

Did you get IT all...?

OP and a WS connection together is the tumor or the CANCER of a marriage............

It can not be left ...

Where it remains it always maintains the power to destroy.........
to creep in to places...
to invade
to overcome...

and it has power to destroy

paint that picture for yourself as you try to skirt the issue...try to continue to justify contact with a man you have had sex with via the phone and computer....


it is not the OP that is a threat..it is the relationship to its host that is the threat.........


surgical removal is painful and in theory drastic....
yet it is imperative...and NO ONE would ask their surgeon to leave a few cancer cells behind........

you are basically inviting cancer cells to host off of your marriage.........


ARK

Tom

Welcome and you are in the right place. I am sorry for your situation. Affairs come in all shapes and sizes and ages so you are not alone. I am far from an expert, but I am sure others here that are will give you sage advice.

You need to expose her. Wait for more advice on how to do it. You will get some tonight I am sure.

I will check back in later.

Did you print out all those emails? If not, I would print them all out before she has a chance to delete them and tell you "you are crazy...she's not doing any such thing."

And then I would confront her with the evidence.

Susan

Tom, it's a classic internet affair. If you want your marriage, and I assume you do because you're here, the whole awful thing has to be exposed so it will die. There are techniques for doing that explained in any number of threads here at MB. I don't have any at the tips of my fingers but others are more adept at finging them than I am.

It's late on a Friday and it seems most of the experts are not here tonight, but there will be folks posting to your thread who are far more experienced than I and who are better able to give you advice and pointers.

For now, hang in there. My thoughts are with you.

TOM

I have to say this, I will be a bit blunt but for a reason...YOU are on a very sure path to loose your M and your w and end up alone!

THIS IS ADULTERY. even your wife and her OM admit it!!

EA or PA it is the SAME.

EA seem to cause even more heartache at times than PA it seems to me. There is a lot more emotional commitment given which is being withheld from YOU, maybe for many years.

She admits to actually never being totally honest with you I do question if this is her first EA/PA? I wonder.

Her behaviour is the classic WW and she is getting in deeper every day. If you do not expose and have a plan to win your M back & kill the EA, sign the separaton papers today, it will hurt less.

How would I know what she is like now? because I was a WW and I know how bad this could get.

What you could do is a get a GOOD key logger and install it THEN confront your WW..do not say how you know, dont get tied up in 'evidence' just declare you know and are aware.
Then if she changes Yahoo or whatever you can still see whats going on

DO NOT AGREE TO ANY PROPOSALS like not exposing etc.

If you have read some threads here you will have realised how bad these EA's can get if not attacked with love and strength.
Your plan of attack has to be to find out as much as you can about OM, family kids etc, church etc, then expose to all his possible contacts and your wifes at the same time with no warning.

Why no warning like give it up or else? Well all it does is allow your WW & OM to 'spin' the story to others you would expose to..like "Pastor my H is going off the deep end he thinks I'm having an affair and hes frightening me" that sort of thing.

Of course you would say my W would never do that to me. TRUE, but right now she is not your wife but a WW. SHe will lie, cheat, do almost anything. That sadly is what a WW is like. DIFFERENT PLACE SAME BEHAVIOUR ..you may see it referred to the 'text book' here on MB.

Your ww is knowingly going off into the dark here and you do need to strike hard to upset their happy little make beleive world.

Then you need to plan A - read about that here on MB - as hard as ou can...but expect abuse, expect to be classed as the betrayer by your ww, expect to be dishonured and disrespected by her and perhaps those who take her side - because sadly some will.

But if YOU want your M, it will have to mean more than just afraid of being alone, it wil mean you want the M out of love and commitment and a willingness to work like the blazes to save it. a NEW M perhaps.

TOM, while you are in NO WAY responsible for your WW actions - it has been her choice to do this and commit adultery - you do share some responsiblity for allowing the M TO GET TO THIS POINT ... but that & no more so do not accept any.

It really is all up to you TOM..... fight for your M or watch it slip away. You may also wish to get some help from the Harleys on this site ..see counselling services above.

Now what are you going to do, what is YOUR plan.

all the best

AW

I just realized I had done something stupid.

My wife occassionally reads at this website.
I cannot post her letters to and from OM.

That is why I deleted them; also her and my age and everything I said.

Thank you for your advice so far, but that is one thing I will NEVER do.
Expose her SIN to our children, parents or to her friends.
I realize that is what Harley often recommends but it is not for me.

When I married her I promised to cherish her and I would never expose her to her family or friends.

My love for her has a protectiveness in it.
I will protect her reputation the best I can and hopefully by the Grace of God
we can get through this and be closer and happier than before and only her
and I will know of her Internet affair.

I think I should say now, before I go any further that 25 years ago, I had a 3 month
affair with my secretery. My wife found out and she never told anyone, not a living
soul. She protected my reputation. Now it is my turn.

Actually, I am learning a lot about what I can do to be a better husband by reading the notes they write to one another as sickening as they often are.

I am not ready for her to know I have her password because once she knows that is the last email I will ever read as she will immediately change it.

I didn't print them but forwarded them to a different email address.
(I remembered to delete them from the Sent box.)

Thanks again for any and all advice.
Like others before me, I may or may not follow it.