It's been a long year for me. STBXH left 13 months ago. 2 boys, 10 & 15. STBXH has had the boys a total of 3 weekends in 11 months.

Not paying child support. Dec 9 we have mediation scheduled. The main question is: Will the court order him to have his kids overnight or weekends?

I'm in counseling. He's not. We tried MC in the beginning. Bad choice of marriage counselors. That's history now. He's unhealthy for me and himself.

He actually told me "ILYBINILWY, and I'm not sure I want you and the BOYS". All of his actions agree with those two statements. I'll recover. I can only hope our boys won't be too scarred from their dad flaking out.

He doesn't seem to have one girlfriend. If he does he keeps it really quiet. He does tend to mess with my head on a regular basis. The IC is helping me see what's really there.

Back to the question, do the courts demand that fathers or mothers spend time with their children?

Thanks, Dinky

I am not sure about your situation, but just HAD to tell you how much we LOVED your ILYBINILWY abbreviation. If it isn't already, it should become a MB standard!

MSA

Will the court order him to have his kids overnight or weekends?
No. They can grant visitation/custody but they won't "order" someone to take visitation.

If they are granted visitation/overnights and they do not take them, that is grounds to get the more/full custody and more child support.

They can go the other way and not allow any visitation.

You be as stable and loving as possible, and maybe the scars won't be as deep as if both parents flaked out.

I think if he doesn't want to spend time with them, then being forced to (if that were even possible) would cause way more harm.

You know how it feels to be around someone who doesn't want to be around you? If does a real number on your self-esteem.

Hang in there dinky, it will get better for you soon, as it sounds like you are taking steps to take care of your emotional well-being, and this will do a world of good for your boys. Nothing can replace a happy, mentally healthy mom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you to everyone! The ILYBINILWY I got from here or loveshack.org. I post there a lot more. Plan A & B were never easy for me because my stbxh caught me completely off guard with leaving.

He has financially devastated us, quit his job, cashed in his 42,000 401k. He's now "self employed". I got a job to supply the insurance for our family. I haven't worked full time in 15 years. I'm now working 2 part time jobs.

I'm trying my hardest to remain stable and not take any of my stbxh's tactics as personal. I am strong and get stronger when I can keep him physically away from me. He's full of babble.

I would never force my kids on him. I haven't in the past 13 months. His mother is my only help. I work an evening job (medical insurance benefits) and she helps with the boys. My situation is complicated and long. Trust me, I've done the best that I can with what I have.

There is NO justice in this world! I just hope the courts slap him with a real dose of reality!

I have the better lawyer. I did a lot of homework before I retained. He had been gone for 7 months before I filed. Life can only get better for me.

Thanks again, Dinky

Hi dinky,

Chris is right.Courts can regulate visitation rights to either parent but they are not enforced,especially if the parent sees less of them than wanting more.My WH told me in the early days he didn't mind being a part time parent.He sees the girls EOW but not more than that except in Summer.

It's his loss though. While he is reliving his teenage years by partying and flying all over,I get to snuggle my girls each and every day.He is missing out on so much.And now they don't really care too much about him like they used to.They love him of course but when the phone rings and the caller ID shows it's him,they each tell eachother to get the phone,not really enthused about talking to him.

Be sure to be on top of your STBX for CS though.That is his responsibility no matter what type of life he is living now.

O

Don't forget that counseling for the children can be very helpful!

What a day. I had already asked my IC to recommend a counselor for my oldest son when I was there on Thurs. Today he was furious that I grounded him for the weekend for his failing grades that he "ran away". Actually, left home with no shoes on, walked at least 5 miles to his friends house. Too much drama for me.

I get only bashing from my kids dad for everything under the sun. NOTHING I do is right.

He started a part time job this week. He wouldn't tell me what it was. Finally, he told our oldest son: He bought a bar with "a friend". OMG, what next?????

There are times I just want to go far away. This is one of those times.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? ? ?

Dinky

Dinky ~ the failing grades are just a symptom. Get him to counseling, and hold off on punishing him. Your son's world is falling apart, and just like any betrayed....he's having a a very hard time holding it together.

Thanks BR, it' so hard to know what to do. I feel lost sometimes.

Dinky