I didn't choose to cheat, I didn't choose to not fight for my family and marriage, so why should I only see my daughter 3 to 4 times a week?

My wife is not a bad mother, she's not great, but when she is home, she is a good mom. Not great, but not bad either.

I'm home everynight. I'm the one that gives her a bath, gets her ready for bed, plays with her, etc. . . I don't want to only see my daughter a part time.

Yet, I realize that she needs to see her mother. Since I can't get my wife to try an save our marriage, I don't see how I can stay in a hopeless and miserable marriage.

So, would it be wrong for me to fight for custody???? I have slightly better than a 50/50 chance of getting custody. It will cost a lot of money and it will get ugly. Is it worth it?????

I might be able to prove that my wife did some very bad things, but again, is it worth it??? I don't want to put my daughter through H$!!.

I know that this post might belong on the divorce thread, but I thought i might start here.

If you can't save your M, make every decision with your daughter's best interests in mind. She is the ultimate victim in you wife's follies.

Ask your W how she plans on explaining to your daughter why mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, especially when she's older.

And does your W want her daughter to do this to her grandchildren someday? Or is it just ok for your W to take her pants down?

Hi, grove.

Quote:
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So, would it be wrong for me to fight for custody????
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Let me ask you a question or three in response to your question.

If you won't become your daughter's hero, who will? Who will be her champion? Who will represent her needs?

All the best,
Gimble

As a father in your situation, I have asked the very same question. In the end, I ask myself if my sons would rather their father walk away or fight to spend time with them. The answer, I believe, is self-evident.

Grove,

I share 50/50 custody of my D with her dad. She lives in each house for four months with rotating weekends, then goes to the other house. We tried every other possibility but it was too chaotic for my D to switch constantly (and for us). With the four months we don't always have her the same months each year, as we would with a 6 month rotation.

He sued me for 50/50 custody, and because I refused to get in a costly, bitter and lengthy battle I simple conceded and agreed to it.

For the most part it has worked out well, had a few bumps when he remarried and his new wife had ideas on raising my daughter which I did not agree with and we ended up in court ordered mediation which helped us a lot, and then co-parenting counseling.

I would prefer that my D live in one house and visit the other as I think that would be in her best interests, but this has been okay for her and she seems happy, although I don't think she is doing as well in school as she might have if she had stayed only in one house.

I don't think you will be able to get full custody, unless your wife is grossly negligent and even then it would be hard. Of course who knows, and each judge differs as does each state.

I think it is very important for your childs emotional wellbeing to stay on as friendly terms as possible with her mom, whatever you decide. Remember that you can get very liberal visitation too. And ultimately this is about your D and not you. When you had a child, your interest became second...as unfair as that is when custody comes into play.

Think hard about this and how it will effect all concerned, now and down the road.

Good luck Grove, I know you have been through the ringer.

I didn't fight for my daughter in my first marriage, my daughter hasn't spoken to me in over 6 years, I have no idea how she is or if she is doing OK. I won't make that mistake again. Fight for what is right, it may be unpopular, everyone may come down on you, but she is your daughter too! You only get one chance with kids, if I had it to do over again I would fight to the death for my daughter. At the point of D your Ws feelings don't matter, nothing matters but what is right for the child.

Just my .02

Been there, done that, got a full wardrobe, not just a T-shirt.

Eagle,

First of all I want to say how awful for both you and your daughter, I can't imagine how painful this must be for you.

But why didn't you have visitation? You don't have to have full custody to have a relationship with your daughter. I have never heard of a parent being denied any visitation or relationship what so ever.

How did this happen?

Grove,

What is the issue here? Your wife has chosen to leave the family and to have an affair. You and your daughter have remained in the family. You are the responsible, sane parent. So, what is the issue?

Go for custody. Your daughter deserves the life you and your wife set-up. She doesnt deserve the messed up, immoral life your wife is currently leading.

Protect your family...protect your daughter. If your wife doesnt want to be a part of the family, then she can go. But she doesnt take family stuff or family members with her.

In His arms.

Weaver,

I was in mil in Fl at the time deployed often, when we D'd wife moved to Ca, very PO'd and would not allow DD to fly to FL. Due to my deployment schedule it was very hard to get to Ca. I called 2-3 times a week, always busy or not home. Finally after many years of trying gave up on the routine calls, called periodically and still very little contact. When DD went to HS all contact stopped. XW is very vindictive and has poisned DDs mind. Hopefully one day she will try to contact me.

Grove - please look closely at what Mortarman said.

You and your daughter are the ones who stayed in the family and kept it going. Your WW was the one who turned her back on the family to live like a single girl.

If you back down and just "let" your WW take your daughter, you too will be turning your back on the family. What will your DD have then? Lots of time with WW and OM?

Protect your family. As Mortarman said, if WW wants to leave she can leave but she does NOT get to take family members with her.
Mulan

Sorry I haven't responded in a while. Life has been, well you all know, so I won't go into it.

I'm not sure if I was clear enough in my post, maybe I was, but just in case I thought I'd clarify my situation.

My wife has agreed to joint custody, my attorney doesn't believe that I will get full custody without proving (as weaver stated) that my wife is and/or was grossly negligent. She's not and wasn't. Sure I think having an affair should be enough, but from what my attorney said it would be an uphill expensive battle that I most likely will not win at the end. I'm willing to do it, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do for my daughter's sake.

I could make my wife pay ($) for her affair, but again, what's the point???? I want her and the OM to pay, but I also want this nightmare to end.

Thanks everyone.