First post ever, bear with me. Married for 8 years, together for 13. 2 kids, 6 & 9. We own our own company. Husband makes the sales, I handle all the paperwork. My husband does not see my efforts in the business as contributing directly. Only if I were bringing in sales would he consider me earning money. Have tried to go out on my own and earn my own living, but the business always ends up in such a mess, I have to come back in and straighten it out. If I don't, it would be like shooting myself in the foot as I live in a community property state. Company is often successful, but husband spends the money on alcohol, marijuana, and entertainment, and about 6 months out of the year on average, withholds paychecks from our family, while continuing his indulgent life style. As of this moment, my mortgage just bounced, both checking accounts are overdrawn, cable has been shut off and creditors are calling like crazy. We are behind in personal, business and payroll taxes nearing a hundred thousand dollars. We are also being sued by a former employee who he fired without following any of the labor laws. We will probably lose the case and the attorney fees are mounting. As all this is going on , he is still spending hundreds of dollars every day boating, taking trips that cost in the thousands, and buying alcohol and drugs. Tells me if I don't like it I should leave and that I am not sacrificing anything, I just have a bad attitude. I am financially dependent on this ownership arrangement. I couldn't possibly earn enough on my own at this point to afford my home and support my kids. He tells me if I really wanted to I could pay all the bills, I guess by just trying to get at the money before he does and letting all the checks bounce. He is very comfortable living this way and doesn't see anything wrong with it. He has bounced checks and burned bridges with creditors and friends and family since I met him and I know before too. And yes, I married him anyway. You know, I thought I could change him. He is willing to throw me a few dollars here and there to get by on, $20-40 a week or so, and is always willing to pay when it comes to entertainment. I am the type of person that if my bills aren't paid, I cannot justify entertainment expenses! What can I do? I am trying to establish my career as a photographer, but at this point am only earning a wee bit, #1, I am always at the office putting out fires and keeping things as legitimate as one can in a situation like this, #2, I am the sole caregiver and homemaker. My husband doesn't do any housework except his own laundry and this only because I refuse to do it any more. I am completely responsible for the welfare of my children, as my husband's schedule is unpredictable, and he cannot be expected to be depended upon because of his "schedule". He leaves every morning before we wake, and is home usually about an hour before the kids go to bed. He rarely answers his cell phone. At night, he ends up in bed before the rest of the family and then expects the kids to come cuddle him in bed, rub his feet and read him stories to put him to sleep. I have been attendind a therapist for over a year now and have come a long way emotionally. I used to cry and manipulate and FIGHT with my husband, getting no where and losing my self respect at the same time. That isn't the case as often anymore, but I am still feeling stuck. So much for keeping it short. I also believe my husband has had affairs in the past year, but refuses to admit it. He is also very verbally abusive and threatens physical violence occasionally. This has never happened as I haven't let it. I put a restraining order on him a few years back and now when he threatens I just get out of the situation before any harm can come. I don't think he would ever physically harm me unless I really provoked it. I read letters like this and think what an idiot, just do this that and that. Hopefully someone out there can do that for me, cause I can't see the forest for the trees!