[color:"purple"] O'kay, ladies. Let's talk about getting gurrrrly.

I've never been 'not girly'. But I'm not really a fashion/make-up/haircut maven either. Until now.

I never had a problem with leaving the house without make-up. Always took half-a$$ed care of my skin--didn't worry *too* much about how my clothes looked and in what situation.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a total slob. I looked nice for work and when going "out".

But lately...my gosh. I've changed my whole make-up look (I started wearing "mineral" make-ups), ALWAYS wear make-up to work where I used to just throw on a little mascara. I've bought a TON of clothes--both classic and seXy. NOT to mention shoes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> My goodness, the shoes I've bought!!

I've dyed my hair black (gorgeous, if I may say so myself) and have a somewhat new haircut--still short, but with thick bangs. I've gotten colored contacts in blue/green/& amethyst.

I've always considered myself somewhat attractive, but no great shakes. Nothing special, know what I mean? I'm not the kind of girl who usually draws a second glance. It's odd--I mean, I *think* I'm attractive, but I can't recall a single time anyone has ever actually told me I am, so maybe I'm not that attractive? I have a good picture on the MB album that I've gotten compliments on, but no one in real life--know what I mean? Anyway, I'm feeling good about myself these days. My divorce hearing will be on the 28th and I'm soooo ready for some light-hearted dating. Annnnndddddd...I'm sooooo ready for my husband to look at me in the court room and think...."Damn, what did I do?"..ha, ha...one can always dream.

Anyhoo...just wondering how gurly y'all got during/after your divorce...or did you change anything at all about your appearance? How did it make you feel about yourself? Excited? A "new you"? Like a "faker"?

And aside from that--obviously one cannot do a total personality make-over. I basically like who I am. BUT...I'm very reserved with people until I get to know them. I can go out in a crowd and barely talk all night. That's okay..I'm not bored or anything--but it's hard for people to get to know me. I'm not shy--just not outgoing. I'm fairly confident so it's not that either. Just simply not outgoing. So along with this new look, how do I go about giving people the *chance* to get to know me better? If it helps, i was typed as an INFP and felt it PERFECTLY described me.

I have to admit that internet dating is very appealing to me because of my introvert tendencies but I do not want to limit myself... [/color]

WELL........ My best features are my blonde hair, green eyes, french manicured nails and big b**bs so the first thing I did and am still doing is buy what I refer to as booby-shirts. Not trashy but just enough to show the girls off every once in a while...LOL

Good for you aislinn... good attitude! Take care of you!!! Yes, during and after my D, I lost weight, started dressing a little better, and started going to the nail salon sometimes instead of always doing them myself. I've kept that up ever since (3-4 yrs). I saw XH a couple of weeks ago, and I hadn't seen him in over a year. He said "wow! You look great!" <giggle> Hoping he drove off thinking WHAT was he THINKING when he left me!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I always loved fashion, getting my nails and hair done in the most fashionable styles, and being pretty. However after the D, I didn't want the classic style. I still love my well cut designer suits for work, but I love to shop for sexy things. I lost some weight during the D and am wearing a size 6-8. I feel great. I love little shirts and fun clothes. I love high heal shoes. It is wonderful. I love feeling attractive. I always felt good, but didn't really care if I was being noticed. I had a man at home that I loved. Now I pay attention and realize that men take notice, not that any of them have done anything but look. Maybe someday.

I often notice my X taking notice when he picks up DD and I want to yell "eat your heart out." His GF is chubby and plain.

It is a good thing to feel attractive. Good for you aislinn. Enjoy!!!

Same here - I lost a few lbs and bought all new clothes - spent a lot on new underwear! Shoes. Nails. Taking good care of my hair. Next on the list is some really good skin products.

Hey Girls,

I have a question. Why didn't you do these things to attract/keep your husband before it all went south?

RAG,
How do you know we didn't? We are describing changes - a new start - after our divorce to feel better about a new life.

These things are all part of a good Plan A, which many of us should have done throughout our marriage (you're right). Many people, unfortunately, don't know how to meet the EN's of their spouse, until a huge wake-up call comes around, and by then, it's often too late. I put my butt in high gear for PLan A as soon as I learned about MB and EN's. I didn't let myself go during my marriage - I dressed attractively, etc - but I probably could have done a few things better in this category, yes. But everyone learns things that they should have been doing better, when that wake-up call comes, if they haven't been practicing good concepts (like MB) in their relationship. However, nail polish and 20 pounds wasn't the issue in my marriage - it wasn't the reason he wanted out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Faith1

Faith,

In your other thread, you have started a book reading club. Since it mostly about dating, I did not want to butt in.

However, I found some excellent books to follow up HNHN. They are mostly for married women, but they can't hurt.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and Happy Housewives by Darla Shine. I purchased them at the local B&N, so I think they might be readily available.

I did everything during my marriage that I do now but the booby-shirts. He wouldn't let me wear them!! LOL

Many times the stress of the divorce causes weight loss. In men AND women.
I'm betting that just about all of us-men and women again-are guilty of getting comfortable in our marriages and not taking as good of care of ourselves when we are single. For one thing, there is much more to do-clean the house, etc. when you are married. It's easy to fall into routine and let yourself go a little. I think we've probably all learned that lesson too!
I gotta tell ya, I think I get better the older I get!! ( I tell everyone I can't wait until tomorrow cuz I get better looking every day!) I know I'm not ugly, but I don't think I'm gorgeous by any means! God wasn't real generous in the chest department. What I've been finding more and more, is that the more secure I am and happy with myself (loving myself) I become more attractive to EVERYONE, not just men. I've been told (by men) that there is nothing sexier than a self confident woman who is NOT looking around for who is checking her out, but trusts they ALL are!! ; )
Not sure what you all's workout regime is, but I work out often, and I have never worn "base makeup", partly because my skin breaks out if I even look at anything, but a good run or bike ride and time outside can do wonders for your skin. Also lots of water and no fast food...
I LOVE 3-4" heels. I feel like a little sex kitten! Meow!
I think what's most important for the girly thing (to me) is to accentuate the positive. My long legs are an asset, so I wear the high heels and jeans that make my legs look like they go on forever! My hair cut and style is very trendy, but I'm also a big tomboy, which has also something I've been complemented on, that I don't mind leaving the house in a hat and sweats-so don't sell them short! Man, I get more looks when I look like that and I think...what the...???
I think the most attractive woman is the one who is comfortable in her own skin and it shows...
Good thread!!!

Rag, speaking only for myself:

As far as clothes and wardrobe go--that was not an opportunity I had in my marriage. It was only in the last year we were together that we had any extra money at all and all of that went to hobbies that he had been looking forward to starting once we had the money. shrug Can't expect your wife to dress like a million bucks if you're not allowing there the means to do so.

Make-up and haircut? My hair has always been pretty stylish--the new cut and dying it black is just different. Make-up is fairly new. I still think I look good without it, but like the polished feel of wearing it.

When I was married, I dressed very conservative but stylish for going out, at home I was not too dressy because I was a stay at home Mom taking care of 4 little kids. My hair was styled and colored every month, my nails were done every two weeks, I had a pedicure every month. I took very good care of myself.

When I left my EX, I started dressing more fun, my shirts were not lose but more fitting. EX never let me cut my hair, he loves long hair, so I went out and had my hair cut short and styled very sophisticated. People were telling me how I look so much younger. I even added high lights to my hair. EX does complement me on my looks and even complemented how nice my nails are,I had to remind him that my nails were always done the same way, he told me he never noticed. Go figure!

And the blame shifting keeps going on... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

RAG always cracks me up!!!

I have never worn makeup and am very average looking. Never had a problem attracting men though.

My WH was 6 feet and 160 when I married him. When he started his affair he weighed 260. I sure hope OW gets used to being crushed.

I wish someone had said something earlier! I was so ready to be more girly, trouble was we lived in the sticks and had no access to anything. I moved twice and finally found a place with more girly girls like myself. I had my hair cut and coloured three times-finally a golden brownish blond and medium length. It was starting to gray which was awful.

The best feature on me? I don't know I have a warm and earthy smile, full lips and blue eyes, and I nice figure.

It took months to get up the nerve to talk to ANY man at all even one that fixed my sink. I would get so nervous if he was attractive I would practically fall down. Getting back to work full time was a priority and I can say the men at work are more appreciative than plumbers and better for onese self esteem than all the shopping in the world.

I did travel more, but women aren't much into hanging out with other single women so I focused on dating again. I worried way too much and ended up shopping more than liked. I worked at a retail store two nights a week for the discount, and had my nose slightly altered while getting my septum straightened-claming necessity!

So yes I went through an entire phase of saying I want to look like a girl again. I was tired of cows and mud. At first I was very submissive sexy, now I am happier with a strong image.

I am still raring to go and dressed up this Halloween as a sexy cat.

However it's getting old for me now after two years and I am now going to start going as a Sexy Viking Queen.

As for internet dating I talked to a few men this way, and a strong majority are married, but there were a few normals. I got a few dinners out of it, one professional busy man who was very sexy but wanted more children, and another with no chemistry at all-

To warn you it's not that great because there is rarely chemistry unles you are talking about someone who is so busy at work he has no time for dating-that kind can be fun but he won't spend much time with you which is what divorced women need.

In any case physically I had a hard time keeping it light and had a fling-once I got that out I saw how needy I was and kept it strictly dating afterwards.

Still I think it's easy to give off a needy/submissive vibe by talking about the divorce at all. Men are so touchy and imagine they are competing with a better man who left and may come back.

Have fun,
Natalie

My girlfriends say that I am literally the chick in legally blond..except it's medically blonde.

and that's ok. I am who I am.

I actually completely love the fact I am 100 percent the vanilla to the xh's new wifeypoo(former ow)..who is chocolate to him. She's tall, with dark hair (scraggly imho from extensions), fakely tan with freckles she is trying to bleach...and fake hoo ha's...and no brain.

Me? I am fun. Love to laugh and giggle. And am about five five and blue eyes and long blonde hair. Very very curvy..and brain! For many years, my xh wanted me to look rather "ste pford wivish" in looks. Very manicured perfeclty...and somebody you'd want at your side if you were say...a political candidate.

Now I am definitely appearing younger than he is (he's only 1 year older than me)...my friends from GA who do not know xh at all, thought he was 10 years OLDER than me...and that I am same age as ow/w...actually thought ow was older...so much for her trashy living making her age!

I too get the bimonthly manicure. Keep hair long and highlights fresh. It is what makes me feel well...like Me~

Bought my first pair of lowrise jeans a few mos. ago...and can't stop wearing them!

Have dated....am dating bf now...he's somebody I knew in college...and we're debating if he can go to my relatives for thanksgiving this year...he is opting probably to go to my sis' home on friday and stay thru sunday when DS and I are leaving...and the home is very big..definitely an extra bedroom for him.

In some wierd ways now, I feel a bit wayward. Like tonight when BF was over after I got in from hospital (I am on call until tuesday at seven am)...he wanted to hang out and watch football...

My xh called...seems he did not take son to basketball practice...and bf was over..rolling his eyes whole time my xh was on phone with me...

Hilariously, my xh says "is that football I hear on tv? You DON'T WATCH FOOTBALL..." I say it's noneya. He shuts up and I think got it...that I was NOT alone..He should've thought about that before he got into bed and did NOT use protection with the Ow that this might happen! His loss.

So much for my days of spinsterhood after the D. I am not wild, not do I wanna be...but it is fun to just relish in the pure fact that I am a real woman...bring home the darn bacon, fry it up in a pan, and that I can be moral, I can be cute, and I can...HAVE FUN! and still be the best mommy to my son I can be.

I did not ask for a D. But since I have found myself single, I might as well make the most of it!

A little TJ:
Believer, we were in the area, but did not have time to contact. My W's aunt passed away in Indio, and we drove back out there to take care of business. One day, we made a flying visit to visit DD and family in RB.

Back to subject:
When I first retired from The Army, I got a job teaching in Bosnia. When we got there, we couldn't get over how beautiful the women there were. After a few months, we stopped and said to ourselves, "Wait, we have beautiful women in the U.S. also. What gives?"

Then we noticed, the women there never went out without trying to look their best. Even going to market each day, they put on dresses or skirts, heals, and makeup.

When we returned home, it was a disapointment to see our women going out looking like they are scrubbing the toilet.

PS: I notice my wife! When she cut her hair last month after many years long, I was sad. I thought she didn't love me any more and cut it for a boyfriend.

Keep up the good work ladies. And remember, when you do get hitched again, don't let yourself go.

Wow RAG - Wish you had had more time. I would have at least taken you and your wife out for dinner. RB is about 20 miles from me.

Believer, I know, you are in Oceanside. A few lifetimes ago, I used to repair Xerox machines in the area. That was in the middle of my Army career.

RAG - You look good on the Gurrrrrllyyyyy thread.