Hi there MB posters....I haven't been here for quite some time. And yes, I will no longer be posting to General Questions, as D is for sure happening now...my husband has been moved out of our home now almost 2 months. He filed for D just 2 days after he left. I was sure (and he swore) that there was no one else, but I should've known better as his ONS was when last year we had only been married 11 months.....I was completely shocked, devastated, and broken back then, and again 2 months ago when he walked out, as I thought we were BOTH working toward recovery (we read MB books, did Marriage Encounter, were still in MC, etc.) and then even MORE so when I found out he had/has a girlfriend- swears he didn't start anything until after he filed, but of course even if it wasn't PA just yet, I'm sure it was EA, and the reason it seemed easier to go than stay and keep working on us....anyway, 2 weeks after he was gone, and the lies and hurtful LB kept coming from him, I noticed I was "late"...I was sure it was from not eating or sleeping, but as the weeks went on, I started to wonder...took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was shocked to say the least, but when I did the math, I figured out the date of conception was 9/24 (and he’d left 9/28) I was in Plan A, and against the advice of friends and family, I told him the news. He freaked! Now I understand it was because he was (and is still) in the "fog" and the news complicated things (we have no children, so he thought this D was going to be so easy). He screamed at me that I was lying, that I was psychotic, that I would stop at nothing to try and get him back home. He came over when I was at work one day and saw the positive test in the bathroom and he actually said that it was fake, or that I had someone else take it for me! He literally tormented me for days about how this was all a lie and it was "impossible". He told his mom and sister (who has suffered 7 miscarriages even after IVF, and has no biological children) and all his friends that I was a crazy liar and was faking being pregnant and should "be locked in a padded room”. I mean come on, that I had someone else take it for God's sake! This was despite the fact that my Mom had actually been with me when I took about 10 more tests because initially I was just so sure that it was mistaken.....I told him to come over and that I would pee on the damn thing in front of him, but nothing was "proof" enough. After I got a blood test, the next thing he claimed was that he wasn't the father, or that I had done it on purpose to trap him~ yep, I took my little time machine back to when he was still at home and got knocked up on purpose, because I just knew that he would leave and I could trap him this way! At this point I was really starting to think HE was the one needing the padded room, but again, now I see that this just threw a wrench in his plans, especially his care-free life with OW ~ how could he explain me being pregnant when he had been taking off his ring for a month every time he went to work (where she was) so she either didn't know he was married, or thought he filed for divorce much earlier than he actually did.....Anyhow, after his family hated me for "lying about something like this knowing what his sister had been through", I totally gave up. I was done with Plan A, and I decided there was no point in Plan B. For him to treat me the way he had, I just knew there was no hope, no salvaging us, no chance in ****** that he would be anything but a lying, manipulating WH. When he then told me that if I had the baby he would take me to court every day to fight me for custody, I lost it. I had to make the toughest decision of my life. Though I am pro-choice, I just NEVER in ten million years thought I would ever terminate a pregnancy myself, least of all when I was 27 and married and with a stable career.....But I did, with the support of my closest friends and family, and with much soul-searching and prayer. I knew that I COULD’VE done it, that I would be ABLE to be a single mom, it was just too heartbroken and unimaginable to bring an innocent child into this broken life with this person who would no doubt betray and abandon that baby just as he’d done to me. It literally broke me and brought me to my knees to go through with it. I (and I thought we) have wanted a baby for years, and he and I had even picked out names and talked about the nursery in our new house (that I am now in alone) just a few months ago. The plan was we would wait until the first of the year before we started “trying”for a family, but if it happened sooner, we would be that much happier....because I have NEVER wanted this divorce, I seriously thought of having the baby and just praying that he’d come back to me, but I just didn’t think that was a good enough reason to bring someone into this world. I had also been taking anti-depressants, and had drank wine a few times, and had not been taking care of myself at all, so I was truly worried about the health of the baby. This and a million other reason led me to decide what I did.....But above all else, I just didn’t think my baby deserved a life like this, nor the one he would endure for the following 18 years as WH and I fought over every little thing. I just didn’t think I could endure WH trying to take away this baby on top of everything else he has taken from me~ my trust in all men, my hope, my future, my marriage, my dreams, my self-respect. I just knew that he would do what he said he’d do- make false accusations and try to take the child away to hurt me and make my life ****** as punishment for ruining his “care-free” life with OW, and losing a baby that I loved was even worse than choosing to terminate a pregnancy that I would have loved in any other circumstance. I am still heart-broken and overcome with shame and guilt for making the choice I did. I hate him, and I hate what myself, for not being enough to keep him from straying, for not being strong enough to just not tell him and have the baby on my own, and for believing that this person truly was who he pretended to be for the last 5 years. I know now that there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation, not that there ever really was anyway, but now there is just no way I could ever even look him in the eye again, nor could we ever try and salvage our marriage after I ended the life of our un-born child. I truly do not know how to live with such despair, and heartache and sorrow, both over my failed marriage, my broken soul, my uncertain future, and my awful, terrible, decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
WH is engaged to OW, she's pregnant I hear.