I don't believe I am going to h*ll if I date and/or have sex before my divorce is final nor have sex before I marry again. You can stand tall on your soap boxes and be as judgemental and belittling as you would like but there still is only one person who will judge each and everyone one of us in the end and trust me that isn't ANY one of you! I believe there are worse convictions out there than this one whether you like MY belief or not. Life is too short to carry on about this subject any further. I have my beliefs, you have yours deal with it. I don't plan on being a regular at MB in 4 years, hopefully I'll be out there enjoying life with my kids and the man I'm truly meant to spend the rest of my life with. And until then I will be dating and I will be having sex. Remember tomorrow isn't a guarantee for anyone!

I'm done with this thread...enjoy your time on your soapboxes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hopefully you will be radically honest with your future partner about this:



Especially with STD's, which comes at a higher risk with multiple partners!

I am firmly in the camp of not dating until the divorce is final.

That being said, however, how about we bring this back to the original poster....

Ready4Luv said:


Now he said a lot more after that about the woman he has gotten involved with and the situation with her, but to me, this part is the key....

This to me does NOT sound like a couple separated and on the brink of divorce. No, there's no excuse for what his wife did, but this description to me sounds like a couple just barely beginning to feel their way through the aftermath of an affair (ONS), and the BS using it as justification for a revenge affair.

Yes, MB does recognize that not all marriages are going to survive, and the MB principles can still be used for any relationships. But I think this is a case where we should be telling this guy that he IS DEFINITELY involved in an affair of his own, and that he needs to be taking care of unfinished business with his wife before trying to start a new relationship with someone else.

From his description, it sounds like the wife is off someplace, thinking that they are "working" on the relationship, while he is off falling in love with someone new. Sounds like an affair to me!

And Ready4Luv - you say you were totally committed to your marriage... yet it sounds like you were able to fall in love with someone awfully quickly during this separation from your wife. What kinds of timeframes are we talking about here? When did her ONS (one night stand) occur? When was DDay (when you found out about the ONS)? When did the separation begin? When did the relationship with the OW (Other Woman) begin?

Fellow Christians,

I challenge you to show me where in the Bible that it says pre-marital sex is a sin. Book/letter, chapter, verse. Also, include the version of the bible you reference please. I'm not referring to adultry, I'm talking about two unmarried people.

If you reference the Old Testament (which we no longer fall under the laws of), there is one or two verses that even come close to what many of you all label "fornication". Under the law of the Old Testament, if you committed a sexual sin, you were stoned to death so that the evil would be purged from the villiage or home. However, when this "fornication" occured (as referenced in scripture), a stoning was not called for. Why? What was the solution? Who wrote those laws?

Do some bible study folks. Many of you mindless parrot what you've learned from other teachers of biblical truths without even knowing for sure that what you've been taught is true. I believe this pre-marital sex subject is one of them.

The Bible was written by men who loved God, not by God himself. The New Testament is a series of books and letters written by people who walked the earth during the time of Jesus. Some knew Jesus, some knew of him, but they are all human and all fallible. Even the Apostles who wrote the New Testament (like many pastors, evangelists and teachers of today) misquoted scripture when trying to sell their point or belief. Many teachers screw up a perfectly good sermon or message, because they feel the need to SHOW you where in the Bible it says the same thing. Why? Because many of you can't accept any truth unless it is written in the Bible. Many of you think the Bible is the "Word of God". It isn't. You want to know what "The Word" is, read what the Apostle John wrote in his gospel.

Even when the Apostle Paul wrote, "All scripture is God-breathed . . .", do you think he was talking about the New Testament? Nope, he sure wasn't, he was referring to the Old Testament. There wasn't a "New Testament" when he wrote that letter to his own disciple.

"Do not mindlessly pass on knowledge that you have learned from others, but rather analyze it, judge it and discern the certainty of it for yourself first." - JPM

And if we've done that and still do not agree with your interpretation, then can we simply agree to disagree and will you stop calling us mindless?

ManofGod -

If you want to discuss this, fine.... but take it to another thread. It has absolutely nothing to do with Ready4Luv's thread. This is called threadjacking, and is extremely rude.

If you want to discuss a topic other than the one currently being discussed, go start your own thread.

ready4love, don't let all these posts scare/run you off.
At least read all the posts here and think about them.


allurin'

Don't know why you are getting so upset. If you disagree, that is your prerogative.
And again I ask, where in this thread is anyone is "belittling" anyone?

I have my beliefs, you have yours deal with it.
??? "Deal with it"?
You seem to be the one who cannot...

My advice is what I feel is best to help get them through it as easy and painless as possible, divorce or no.
Don't want my advice? Don't ask fo rit or simply ignore it.

My advice? You wanna date, get a divorce.
If you don't want to divorce, why not?

LH,
I never called anyone mindless. I'm sorry if my quote made you feel judged or hurt your feelings. We can agree not to converse, but to agree to disagree? No.

osxgirl,
Point well taken. I am sorry for threadjacking. I had not heard the term before. We did get off subject, so I understand what you mean.

and what assurances are there that you are not mindlessly parroting from your teachers?

or is your teacher the ONLY real, non "other teacher", as you described them?

or are you the only teacher authority on to whom one should listen about learning from the bible?

or are you the only authority on who has done some bible study and therefore appointed to judge who is mindless and who isn't?

or are christians the only non-deaf creatures that inhabit the world?

finally, internet chat is great for judging, isn't it?
since you refuse to agree to have tolerance for a different point of view than your own, which i believe tolerance is a concept supported in the bible, then are you really a man of god? or are you conveniently plaguerizing his concept to prop up your self impressed opinions?

just curious

wiftty

ready4luv,

Nothing like a good controversy huh?

What is your marital goal during your separation?
What are you doing to improve relations between you and your wife?
In what way do you feel that dating others will be beneficial to you and your wife?
I was faithful to my wife, totally committed...

It's unfortunate that you can no longer say AM rather than WAS.

Dating just complicates matters. If you want to date, get a divorce. If you want to stay married, don't date.

As someone who was infected with an incurable STD by her husband, I felt slapped in the face by the comment about radical honesty with future partners about STDs.

Most of us with them, especially the few of us here with them, are very responsible, telling others before we get too emotionally or physically involved. And, having an STD does not make us a bad person.

I also wouldn't wish this on anyone, no matter how they behaved. Well, maybe rapists.

I appreciate all the comments, suggestions from everyone. I will try to address the questions as best as possible.

Things in my marriage started to go downhill around march of this year. The back story is as follows. My wife is from the east coast and moved to the midwest after the wedding because she wanted a change of pace. I had just gotten a job and wanted to stay at the position for two years. After one year in the midwest, my wife informed me that she wished to return to the east coast and began looking for jobs. She had been looking for jobs without my knowledge and I learned of the job search when she went out on an interview. I was very disturbed, but like I said before, I was committed to making my marriage work. I agreed to move back to the east coast and began to search for a job. We moved in the summer, and I found a part-time thing that led to a steady job but not what I wanted to do. Money was tough and we had to sacrifice, which my wife did not like. She moved back to the area thinking she could go back to her old lifestyle. I struggled with her about starting a new life together, one that we define. We did not do any activities as a couple, and I had few friends. She had grown up in the area and would spend most of her time with friends.

We moved again the following summer, a year after we moved to the east coast. We relocated in the city, and she told me things weren't working. She had a laundry list of complaints and I said I wanted to work on them. At that point, she told me that she was not in love with me. I started going to counseling, and we evenutally went to a marriage counselor. I found this website and was very excited about repairing the damage we had caused each other.

However, she moved into a friend's house and later in the summer had the ONS. I believe that guilt eventually led to her disclosing the information to me. She also talked about her past, something she had never done before. She told me of bad relationships, some that she couldn't get over. She also told me that she was never committed to our marriage and thought getting married would help her through the past. We then went to a marriage counselor and he told us that she needed to work on being a couple, including me in her life. That did not last, because she didn't like hearing that.

She finally decided to get her own place and I told her she needed to file for separation. She did not want to, so I did. We are legally separated.

I do not believe she wants to repair the relationship, and that is why I started to move on. I am hurt but don't think that I am emotionally unstable. As far as the marriage is concerned, learning the things I have has made me realize that this was probably never a real marriage. It was a panacea for her, she was using me to fix her past. So, now I am moving on with my life even though I think she is a wonderful person. She has many problems, and I was willing to work on them while she wanted to leave.

Hey ready,

Glad you didn’t bolt. Hope the thread didn’t become too much garbage for ya’?

My wife is from the east coast and moved to the midwest after the wedding because she wanted a change of pace. I had just gotten a job and wanted to stay at the position for two years.
So she didn’t do it to be with her new husband?
Did you discuss your new job and moving to the Midwest before you took it & before you got engaged/married?

After one year in the midwest, my wife informed me that she wished to return to the east coast
Is there a reason she did not want to live with you (her husband)?

We did not do any activities as a couple,
Why not?
What was your reason for wanting to get married to her?

However, she moved into a friend's house and later in the summer had the ONS.
I doubt very much if it was a ONS. I’d bet it was an affair prior to her even moving out. Maybe she hooked up with an old boyfriend?

I do not believe she wants to repair the relationship, and that is why I started to move on.
And moving on to you means starting another intimate relationship before ending your previous one (marriage)?

I am hurt but don't think that I am emotionally unstable.
Almost all betrayed spouses are hurt and not unstable. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with.

So, now I am moving on with my life
Then why don’t you divorce?

Chris,
I think she moved to be with me, I don't really know. We discussed where we would live, and I was willing to move to the east coast but she insisted on coming to the midwest.

After that first year, she was fed up with my mom, and living in a town that she felt was boring. So, she made the decision to leave before talking to me about the situation.

I'm not sure why we didn't do things together. I wanted to, because we did prior to getting married. After the marriage, it seemed she was preoccupied with living up to an ideal instead of just being herself and enjoying our new life together.

The ONS involved some random guy she confided in. He was introduced to her by a guy we went to college with. I didn't know the guy at all.

I guess moving on for me is becoming open to new people that I meet day to day, something like that. I did not plan on meeting this person that quickly, but felt a connection right away between us. My biggest issue is getting across the fact that I am stable to this new person. She is afraid that our relationship is not a healthy one. It is very early, so who knows.

Where we live there is a process for divorce. Also, I don't have the money to hire a lawyer. We don't have property together, so going our separate ways will not be tough. I have filed papers for legal separation and there is a waiting period to file for divorce. So, I do plan to get a divorce and I feel terrible about it.