I mostly lurk, rarely post. I doubt anyone here will remember my story, but I would really appreciate some feedback.
Our D is almost final. I think we are each having second thoughts, but we both have serious doubts about trying again. I worked so, so hard to recover my M, and suffered more than I thought possible. Finally, I had to realize that I could not recover my M on my own. Even Mr. Harley said that given the many anti-M influences in my H's life, our chances were slim to none. I really thought my LBank was empty and I was ready to D. Maybe I just tried to believe that because I had no choice in the matter.
Maybe I want to have an empty LBank so that I can move on and be with someone who hasn't betrayed me so badly - a fresh start a la Faithinme's new M.
So, here's my questions: (1) If the A and all contact is over and has been for several months (and I'm as sure as I can be that this is the case), but my FWH still talks like he has an alien brain, does that mean that true R and/or a good M is just not possible? Are the causes that led to this mess embedded in his personality as opposed to just symptoms of LBank emptiness and A alien-brain thinking?
For example, my H said, when you do everything I ask you to do (and yes, he has a long list, a lot of which are selfish demands and none of which are subject to POJA), then he will start meeting my needs. Now, before you jump on him for that, let me add that about 2 minutes later he got emotional and said that he was still the H I married, just scared and hurt. So, I think part of his motivation behind saying such a one-sided thing is that he is truly afraid that we won't work and/or that I will have a revenge A, etc, all of whiich he has said. I've done my best to reassure him, but ultimately I cannot make him work on the M or even use MB stuff in our relationship.
(2) As part of my Plan A/B, I said that if we were to proceed to D, then that was it for us. No friendship. I didn't want him thnking that he could have his cake and eat it too or that he could break his vows and still have me around. I also think that this may be best for healing myself. Now I don't know what to think We have no children and my H is still suffering from alien brain.
Thanks for reading this far.
