Ok, it has been 6 weeks since I found out about the A. I am not even into recovery yet and probably won't be until they stop working together (she is looking for a job, but that will take time). I have unwanted thoughts in my head all the time - wake up thinking about them together etc. I want to get rid of these but do not know how? I am so angry inside it is eating away at me. I am trying so hard to move on, but do not know how. This was the first weekend since I found out where I tryed not mentioning anything about it and trying to be normal. Of course crumbled this morning when he went off to work. When do you draw the line and say to yourself 'no more'? I do not know if I have the strength for it anymore. I know to forgive I have to forget about what has happened and open my heart. This is so hard when you have lost all trust and respect for someone. They have a lot of business contact still as they are heavily involved in a project, so I can do nothing about this. I have tryed to say to limit this by emailing each other instead of talking (they sit at same desk!), but I don't know if that is right too. He has told me he finds it so hard and feels sorry for her as she is often in tears at work and walks around with a face on. I told him it is not his issue, but he says it is because he is her boss and is responsible to make the team happy. What a mess. Any advice on ways to carry on with my own life and not think about them would be appreciated.

Draw the line @ business. He s/b treating all EEs the same.

Does he?

pavlova, I don't know of any way to not think about ongoing contact with his honey. You will never recover as long as there is contact, so really, there is no need to pretend.

You have a serious problem on your hands and for some strange reason you are doing nothing about it. If it were me, I would have made it a boundary that my WS stop all contact. Even if he had to change jobs. Otherwise there is no hope of recovering your marriage - as you can see.

Why not expose them at work to your H's boss and HR? That might hasten your H's or the OW's departure.

The least he can do is stop all contact with the OW if you are willing to stay with him.

What makes you think the affair is over?

I just went back and read some of your other posts and see that they are still texting and calling each other, so the affair is definitely still on.

I also read that this is not your husband, but a boyfriend. So instead of busting him at work, I would run for my life and thank the good Lord that you were warned BEFORE you made the mistake of marrying him. Dating is a job interview he has failed the interview miserably because lying and cheating is always a knockout factor on an interview. Can you imagine going through this in the future expept with 3 little ones and a mortgage? Consider yourself lucky you found this out now and run for your life!

Thanks for the replys. I know how some people feel about him not being my husband but in reality we have been together nearly 4 years and are engaged. So I see us as committed. I have also made some big commitments such as moving countries to be with him, learnt his language, culture adjustment etc to just throw it all away over his stupidity is something I really don't want to do. Marriage has always been something we have talked about and for financial, time and other reasons it hasn't happened yet. According to his phone bill there has been 3 text messages between them in the last 6 weeks (all within the first 2 weeks). I believe he has no time in the day for any 'affair'type behaviour. Smoke and lunch breaks are taken with other people from the department. Maybe I am being naive? He did tell me the other day that some people in the office know about it as there have been comments made. This all happened because he stayed in this town during the week as I was overseas on a work contract, so it was all made easy for him - he had time, I wasn't there, she was available and keen. Not that any of that is an excuse. He now has to commute because of consequence. I truly believe if I had been here it would not have happened. But yes, I am doubting myself now and maybe I am being a fool to even bother trying to make this work. He was the most honest loving person I have ever known. He told me many times what he needed from me and I didn't give it too him, I should have listened and perhaps he wouldn't have gone somewhere else for the attention.

pavlova, well at least you know what you are getting into before you marry and know what your future will be like so you can't complain when it happens again. If he is already cheating on you before you are even married, you can pretty much count on this happening after you are married when the going really gets tough from the usual drudgery of a typical marriage. If he can't even cut it being engaged, you can be assured he won't cut it as a [faithful] married man.

You have been given this glimpse of what he is really like before you have married him, so you do know full well what you are getting into. I wish you the best, because you will need it.

What he has done is considered a commitment? Looks more like you have wasted 4 years. Instead of making it 10 or 20 more wasted years...... it would probably be in your best interest to move forward w/o him. If you can't trust him now, why put yourself in worse position if you marry him and then have children, then he pulls the same stunt?

L.