Hello all,

It's been a few months since I posted. I survived about 4 months of plan A, I think I was just emotionally exhausted of the ups and downs. On top of everything, it turns out my WW was extremely depressed, to the point of feeling certain her death (impending doom) was coming. She wanted life to end.

She got on AD's and her emotional change was immediate. Although I don't think the depression directly caused the affair, I think it was like a drug that provided her only good feelings while she was down.

It's been 8 months since D-Day, and probably about 4 months since the NC began. She is much more affectionate with me, she is also very caring and tries to reassure me when I have my insecure moments regarding her affair. She tells me we are doing much better in the areas we were bad at before (communication, time together).

Although I am happy with all the improvements, I have this occasional odd feeling when I am with her. I feel like she is a 'broken-person', if that makes sense. I look at her and I can't rationalize how easily she went from loving me, to not loving me, to loving me again. I feel like she is an emotionally weak person, and I'm afraid that another OM could come along one day and influence her again.

During the A, she was able to watch a video of our son at 6 months old with me (it was her idea) and she felt no sadness. I cried at the thought of losing our family, but she just watched the video like a statue. She's kind and caring again, but I find it hard to now confide in her after seeing that side of her. I wonder if the depression/mental illness was also having a huge effect on her at that time.

I'm looking for someone else who might have been where my wife was/is to help me understand this. Thanks for the help.

When theyare in the A - you know the saying they become Aliens -totally unlike themselves. The AD's probably have helped her. Are you working on any of the MB principles ?
I can understand how you feel about her being broken - I too felt like I did not acre for the man I had found out to be a WS. I have seen him as a different man and who I did not marry. It will go away in time.

Sundog, I'm an FWW, I've been there.

I think my BH was having those same feelings you're having at around four months NC -- right where you are now. I was bending over backwards trying to make him feel reassured, but he, understandably, still had some trust issues. He was afraid I was preparing to leave. Nope, I wasn't, but I was feeling a lot of guilt/grief over what I did. I don't know if he considered me broken, but I sure considered myself to be broken!

Things break once in a while. The good news is that often, they can be mended. You just want to make sure you have a good solid repair and not some cheap plastic band-aid that's gonna fall off the first time it gets wet. And there is no magic solution like super glue. It's more like a two-part epoxy -- you need both ingredients to make it work.

The key for us, I think, has been to avoid complacency, and falling into bad old habits.

Funny you should mention the video. One of my big turning points (before NC was firmly established) was when my H had stormed off one day and I picked up an old photo album. There were pictures of us fixing up our house, adopting our cats, having fun with friends, etc., and I was just sitting there looking at it, alone, and I could feel the tears welling up. I could see what I stood to lose over a thoughtless, selfish, A. I don't know why your W didn't react the same way (was she on the ADs then?), but people are wired differently. She could have had some wall built up that kept her emotions at bay.

BTW, I was on the verge of a depression diagnosis, and my doctor brought up the possibility of ADs, but I wanted to try to get by without them, and I did.

You're only four months NC. It's still early. With more time, hopefully you'll begin to realize that the repair is solid and you can have more faith in it. I'm a little over a year NC and the icky moments are gradually getting fewer and further between.