Hello, to all I have been reading here for almost half a year and now that I have to face reality, I need help....

I have been with my husband for 9 years, married 2 of those, Have 2 beautiful children and 1 on the way due March 06. My dilema as most MY husband is a WH. He seeked a relationship before he was deployed to Iraq, she followed in his unit. They pursued the relationship and were caught a few months ago (2) they wore both seperated but basically just got a slap on the hand. Im not sure if they are pursuing their relationship or not but he is due to come back in 2 wks. For the last few months my WH and I decided to keep us at friends maybe build on a friendship, lack of communication, etc .

I have no idea what my WH has in mind for our family. I am so scared, not at not having him around but the shear fact he wont give our family or love we once had a chance.

I looked into filing for divorce or learning my rights and I have none, really , other than child support. I came from TX to live with my spouse in CA. I would want to move back home if I could, < I CANT, unless I have his permission or get it granted by the courts> , Our house?, was bought by him 5 yrs ago and only by himself, so I only have 2 yrs of community intrest in the home. I havent been married long enough to receive alimony, An his AFFAIR means nothing in CA since it is a NO FAULT state,

I havent cried about this in such a long time that, I didnt think I can hurt like this all over again. I never really went thru any of the plans, because of him being so far away. Exposure was done by the OEW , ex- huband. I dont know where to turn but all I know is , its gonna get harder.

Please, Someone , any advise ?

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It is a good place for those of us who need it. But, still, not the life you would choose, is it?

You have 2 weeks to get ready to fight for your marriage and relationship - if that is what you want. I see you have been reading here. Have you read up on the plans? I am not an expert on them, but I know others who are will be by soon to give you encouragement.

Do you know for a fact that he will not give your family and love a chance as you stated above, or is that your fear that he won't?

I hope the best for you.
Blessings

Thank you , Moveforward

No its not definate on what he wants. From what Ive heard from his sister is he's in love with OW and he still loves me, thinks that his feelings will change once he comes home and sees his family.

What I dont want is for him to physically stay with us for the kids and fake our marriage/love for eachother not to hurt them.

I am only 25 and feel that I deserve to find someone who will love and respect me and my children. I dont want to live a lie or fake being happy. Not at the cost of my children knowing the truth later in life. I am determined to make my marriage work and deep down maybe there is a chance but is it really worth it, going thru so much pain for this last year.

I dont know how to do this , should I start a PLan A , as soon as he gets here?

ThanXs

It is worth it - despite the pain. There have been days that has been a questionable, but I say overall- yes! it is worth it.

I think the first thing you'll have to do is make sure there is no contact. Read up on the no contact letter.

Have you read Surving an Affair by Dr. Harley? You'll want to do that. Does your husband have access to the internet? if so, send him the link here to read the articles.

Since he is hoping his feelings will change, Plan A sounds like the right direction for you to go.

I bet one of the plan a experts will be along to give you advice on it.

Blessings

Sorry to hear about your situation but you have come to a great place. Im not expert but I am also a military spouse so I can give you some info on how the military can help you and your H out when he comes home. Im not sure if you are army, navy, marines, air force, but in the army we have ACS which is where they will get you consueling at no cost. That what has been a major help for me until my H comes home at the beginning of Jan. Im not sure what branch you are but im pretty sure that there is something that you could look into, they will even watch the kids while you and you H go to these sessions. You have two weeks to start preparing yourself, its a tough long road and hopefully your H will open his eyes and see that he has a great wife and kids that have supported him through this. My H finally realized that after I confronted him and he heard how bad he hurt me.
I would also suggest maybe a little time alone if you could get some maybe a weekend getaway, do you have somebody to watch your kids? My MIL is flying down so that my FWH and I can have a weekend alone (boy am i looking forward to that!) I know how you are feeling like so many of us on this board do too. I just had our daughter when i found out about my FWH's ONS, all those hormons sure do make you go even crazier! Just know that your not alone. I wish you and your H the best of luck. Also, read up on all of this info that you possibly can and send it to him he should have access to the internet. Good Luck and Take Care of yourself!