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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59 |
I think my W is finally starting to move out of withdrawl, what should be my next step with her to try to restore the relationship, I have been trying to be better at fufilling her emotinal needs which as been hard due to the withdrawl.
I havent brought it up recently but when the A was first found out & they / she decided on no contact with the OM
she felt just her staying with me was all the work she needed to do. granted I have to prove myself & my love for her before she can put her heart back into the marrage. I would like to get her to fill out th EN questionnaire but I think it might be too soon to bring it up still. She has been a lot more relaxed the last few days which as been refreshing.
Cliff
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
What have you read and what r u doing 4 u?
L.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59 |
I have read most of the information on this site, the artical on Coping with Infidelity, EN ect. As far as me just trying to keep my head above water, I have been to a counselor a couple of times who seems to think Im on the right track & doing the right things, I dont have much support for myself except for my counselor & some that I have received on these boards. I have been concetraiting on her for now until she can get to a place we we can start to work on things & see what direction were heading.
Cliff
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Have u read Surviving an Affair and His needs/Her needs? Both r by Dr Harley.
Also, get with a good MC. Call Jennifer C @ MB. She will not only give you good guidance but help you outline a good recovery plan.
Not sure if your W is ready for MC yet. It takes the right frame of mind to take MC info. Sometimes, the WS or Xws are not ready right away.
L.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59 |
Sorry I was away for a couple of days, W refuses to go to MC right now & im not sure if she will go later, she states is all they get you to do is talk. On a day to day basis we are interacting better but theres not much emotionally from her, Im in it for the long haul but expect steps in the right direction from her also were not really talking about the relationship at all, the most she will say is somtimes she thinks I am trying to hard? I think she is past a lot of the withdrawal but is having a hard time with how supportivive i have been, it makes her feel worse that she had the A. Any thoughts?
Cliff
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Well, you can try spending 15 hours a week doing fun things together. That is one of the suggestions for getting back close. But sometimes the WS refuses.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 59 |
15 hours a week right now is kinda tough due to our scheduals, she works 2 jobs which is part of our problem, Im trying to get her to quit her night job but she is afraid we will start fighting about money because things will be a little tight. She has promised to quit after the holidays. when we do spend time together just for the sake of spending time with eache other, I still get mixed reactions one day its great & everthing is normal. The next it seems like things are forced & uncomfortable.
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