I have posted several times, basically about the same problems that I am feeling. For some background my WW had A with my sisters H off/on for 2 years. We have been M for 18 years. I found out about this about 2 months ago. We do not communicate like I feel that we should about this. WW has stated that she has told me all that I need to know and we don’t need to talk about it anymore. She just wants to move on and forget it happened. Last night we had a conversation about the A again, simply because I have issues that I need to resolve. She immediately began to justify the A by saying some fairly hurtful things about how bad a person I am/have been to her. WW even went as far as to say that she has hated me for the last 2 years and still does to some degree, all the while wanting to work the M out because she loves me deeply. This is so confusing to me, and I don’t know what to make of this. I do acknowledge that I have not been meeting her EN’s to a degree, but I will not take the blame for her decision to betray me. I am not very positive about saving the M at this point because she seems to only be justifying this A and not acknowledging that she has made a huge mistake. She does say that she regrets the A but it seems to me that she is more regretful that it ended. This may not be true, but it is how I feel. Basically I feel that she only sees fault in me and does not see the total picture of what she has done. Is this a fog or is she just a withdrawal period? There is NC at all since my sister has her H on lock-down at this time. There will be NC during the holiday season either. Any advice would be appreciated.

Two words for you...MARRIAGE COUNSELING.

Get a pro-marriage counselor, one who understands infidelity, and get there quick.

Call the Harleys, I've had a session with jennifer and it was well worth it.

krk, she may want to "move on" but her victim, that would be YOU, is laying on the floor bleeding to death. You can't "move on" until you have all the facts. The facts about her affair are facts about YOUR LIFE to which you have a right to know. You are entitled to know the truth so you can better understand what happened here. And until you understand it, you cannot recover. You can never recover while she has secrets with the OM to which you are not privy.

Explain this to her. Don't fight about it, but very persistently and firmly assert your position that you must know the truth about your life in order to move forward.

I would also print Joseph's letter and hand it to her:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2739000