my husband walked out today. i have no idea where he is or what's going on. he said he's not coming back that it's time for him with no worries about anyone else's feelings. i'm so afraid

i'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've been there. This is the best place to find understanding, support and hope.

do you have a post with your history and what led to this situation? It helps others to respond when your situation is understood

hang in there with us...you feel alone but you've got lots of people here to go through this with you

I am so sorry you are here, but I am glad you found this place. I remember the day my husband walked out, I thought I would die. But I got through it and I can honestly say I am a better person today then I was before D-Day. You will get through this and you will survive.

Do you want to tell us a little bit about your situation and maybe we can help and give you some advice.

Most folks here would believe that your H is in an A, and you are in a mist of denial.

This is not the time to panic, this is the time to get busy, and discover what you can do to make a difference in what the future brings.

Do the following things, the sooner the better...

* Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair". Learn about the dynamics of an affair, and how marriages become vulnerable. Until you get the book, start at the home page of this site and read EVERYTHING about infidelity, Needs, and LoveBusters.... once done with that, read about Plan A and Plan B.

* Do some serious introspection, and see what things about YOU may have not been conducive to a marriage. Look at the Needs Questionairre as you read this site, and see what needs of your H's you might not have been meeting, or what Love Buster's you might have been committing.

* Consider a Private Investigator to get to the bottom of what he's doing. You are better off with "hard" evidence, evidence that would stand up in a court of law. Review all of your cell phone records and look into the history on your computer for clues. Also, look at records of credit card purchases, if anything is "out of normal" in the receipts.

* Consider seeing your Dr. for some Anti-D's. It's really hard to think and take the proper steps to get through this if you are "frozen" by your emotions. AD's will keep you grounded, so you can fight this intellectually, rather than reacting with your emotions.

* Read all about EXPOSURE. Once you determine who he's having an affair with, then you will expose the affair to anyone who is influential in his life, in hopes of "busting" the affair. Affairs thrive in secrecey, and exposing it to the light of day, often is the beginning of the end.

* Pray, see your clergyman, and ask him/her to support you spiritually. You might as well have the very best in support from Whomever is your Supreme Being.

* Keep the faith that your can overcome this infidelity, with your own inner strength (you have more of this than you know!), and with tons of help here on these forums.

There's lots more, but this will get you started!

Sorry that you need to be here, but it's the very best place you can be for support and advice during these horrible times.

Best wishes,
SD

IamSoLost,

Did you find out if your husband is having and affair and with who?

This is the first step and then expose them. Like other posters told you, there is a lot you can do, but you need to move away from the fear and start doing what you need to do. Fear can keep you paralized. I know, I've been there. Keep posting. The people on this web site can help you take the right steps. But first find out about the affair.

thanks everyone. i have been up most of the night and i feel so sick. my orifinal post contains my story. it's here

i didn't find out for sure about an affair but i don't know what else it could be. he said that famous line "it's not you, it's me" and "i love you but i'm not in love with you and i don't think i ever was".

i am already on anti-depressants because of my MS and i am on anti-anxiety meds from my fathers recent death. i am still an emotional wreck.

{{{IamSoLost}}}

Did he say anything when he left? Will he be back to help with the animals? Can you call his sister and tell her that you're worried? Do you think that she will tell you what she knows? Do you know where H may have gone?

the only thing he said is that he wants me to stop crying and get angry. i think that would make it easier for him but i feel no anger. my oldest daughter and her boyfriend will help with the animals as they live only about 15 minutes away.

my sister-in-law already lied to me when she said she didn't know what was going on. she won't tell me anything. my 15 year old said her dad told her to call him at his brothers if she needed anything, so i guess that's where he is.

I agree.

Do you suspect an affair? I know that you didn't before, just wondering if it's changed.

yeah i do. i don't know what else wuld cause him to make such drastic moves in less than a month. honestly, there were no signs there. he was away on a business trip at the begining of november and he called me several times a day, being very loving. we were making plans for thankggiving, christmas and already planning a summer vacation. that was just 3 weeks ago and now he's gone

What is your plan?

i have no plan. i'vce been thoroughly reading plan a and b but i'm so confused. i am in plan panic and i can't seem to control it

Can you start implementing Plan A?

Well, sorry this has happened. But it happens a lot and is not the end of things.

I suggest that you consult with an attorney to establish some legal financial protection. Usually when they leave, they also stop coming through with money. That just adds more stress to the BS. So you need to find out about getting some temporary support and child support.

The next step is Plan A. That is where you don't yell, scream, cry, or beg him. It is difficult, but absolutely necessary.

As part of Plan A, you also need to figure out if an affair is happening. It sounds to me like that is the main problem. It is probably someone he works with. If you can find out, then you need to expose the affair.

Iamsolost, what a traumatic period you are going through! Health issues, your father's death and now a WH. Maybe your father's death made your WH look at his own mortality and pushed him into a midlife crisis. I'd bet there's an A going on but I doubt he's told his sister or brothers about it.

You have my complete sympathy. Those hours when you are waiting and waiting for them to walk through the door are the darkest. The old part of you is worried there was some sort of accident or emergency. The new part knows that your H is just fine but something terrible has happened anyway. I did all this exactly a year ago.

Keep strong. MB is the place to be.

Iamlost, if you can calm yourself down we can help you devise a plan that may save your marriage. But you must calm down and try to think clearly. Can you do that?

If you can follow this plan, there is much we can do to help you.

Listen to Melodylane. She knows what she's doing.

thank you all so much. honestly i feel like i'm drowning. i am trying to be calm and think clearly but thoughts keeo creeping into my mind, like how am i going to survive with no job, no income. i think for the most part i have my crying in check today. i'm trying to take it day by day

Iam, do you think he will try to withhold support? You know he is obligated to continue to pay the bills. Do you have an arrangement to do this?

Can you bring me up to speed on this affair? What do you know about it? Who is the OW and is she married?

he said he will continue to pay the bills and i believe him. maybe i shouldn't.

i don't have any info on an affair. i don't even know if there is one. i just can't see any other reason for him to suddenly change, start staying late and going early to work, never calling and now walking out. he doesn't have a cell phone and he doesn't use the computer. he isn't on the phone when he is home, except for his parents and siblings. i don't know how to find out if there is for sure an affair.