i called my cousin today about a PI she knows. it looks like i'll be getting some answers soon. thanks for that advice. i'm scared to find out but i know i have to.

i know everyone here has been through this and reading what you all write is encouraging because you all seem so together and strong. thank you so much for caring about me.

the latest is that my husband called me from work and asked if he could come for thanksgiving dinner. what do i say? does this fall under plan A or am i letting him have his cake and eat it too? he left a message on my machine and i haven't called him back yet. what should i do?

Plan A is making deposits in your husbands Love Bank at every opportunity.

Plan A is doing whatever you can to play a part in ending the affair (getting proof through a PI). Don't utter a word of this to your H. This is your little "surprise" for him later, when you have solid evidence in your hands.

Plan A is doing some serious introspection and identifying things you bring to the marriage that need change or improvement. (do this every day, and make sure your changes can stay in place for life)

Plan A is eliminating all LoveBusters from your arsenal. No Angry Ourbursts, No Selfish Demands, No Disrespectful Judgements (NEVER say anything negative about the OW, he'll defend her and break your heart once again).

Plan A is all about eliminating whining, crying, begging, pleading with your husband to return.

Plan A is you making yourself the very best person you can be as his wife, because for the foreseeable future your H will be trying to decide between you and the OW. Plan A is all about finding the balance between being the "Stepford-perfect" wife and NOT being a doormat. Plan A is about making sure your H understands that seeking or agreeing to a Divorce is not in your thoughts. Your only thoughts are all about saving a marriage. Plan A is about remaining calm during all encounters with your H and NOT losing your cool. Stay focused, on mission, and upbeat and positive. No matter how upset he may get, you set your resolve to stay cool as a cucumber.

Graciously invite him over for Thanksgiving, make it the best you have to offer, so he has to contemplate what he's thinking of giving up, if he continues with the OW.

Best wishes,
SD

thank you. reading that gave me a better understanding of Plan A. i will call and invite him for Thanksgiving dinner and be as "normal" as possible.

Thanksgiving has always been a big deal here, Italian family, you know. my husband has said throughout our marriage that it's his favorite holiday because of all of the good food. i fear that he is only coming to eat but i guess i have to take that chance. i'm sure my girls will be happy that he's here.

I'm happy he is coming for dinner. That's a good sign. Hoping for the best for you! Only talk about good things.
No illness talk. No matter how you feel health wise, don't tell him, (unless it is life threatening of course.) Call your girlfriends, other family, or tell us. We'll listen.

Lady

PS I really hope he isn't having an affair.

No relationship talk either, not for Thanksgiving. Not with all the family around. Don't mention anything to him, and don't engage with him. There's a time for R talks, and a time to be with the family. This is the latter.

SD

Oh... and look your prettiest! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

IASL, Thinking of you.... How are you doing? How did your dinner with WH go?

Lady