OK Folks, So I meet this lady. I did all the things you mentioned, asked about her, looked her in the eye and so on. After chatting for a while she agrees that we might go out together, but there is a noticable lack of enthusiasm. How can I explain this. If she had said "Yes, I'd like that very much", or smiled at me a bit more, or shown a bit more life, maybe I would be feeling different. But, I am getting the impressions that I might be better off saving my $$'s. After all a date will cost me at least $50 probably more, and I am not getting good vibes.

Time to trust my gut, I think.

Well Justin, not everyone is bubbly and full of enthusiasm all of the time. Maybe she was nervous too. Can't you think of something to do that won't cost a lot of money?

I've been out with guys where the first time we just walked out on the pier, the beach, went fishing, hiking, or for a picnic.

Ohhhh... believer is right! You can go on less expensive dates, if that's a concern. i don't blame you. Walks in the mall, the park, AND a snack or ice cream or coffee... Christmas lights are going up soon.... probably free christmas concerts and things...

And maybe she's just unsure, or quiet... but don't weigh TOO much on her enthusiasm. If she agreed on a second date, believe her! Go on a second date, and see how it goes. Do you like her??? Did YOU smile? Did you compliment her about anything (her dress, her hair, her smile, etc) ... just trying get more of a feel of what happened.

Got me JE.

I have had the same experience with the guy I went out with two weeks ago. He didn't seem interested in me at all.

Well, he called me again tonight, last I had heard from him was a week ago. He just called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, which was very nice, but it left me thinking, what the heck?

Maybe it's new age dating? Don't show too much enthusiasm too soon?? I don't know. If I figure it out though, I will be sure to pass it along.

Karona

Ha! Karona... can I say I told ya so? hehe... I knew you'd hear from him again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. some people... just need time... and are calm.. perhaps TOO calm if they are not expressing what we need to know! Frustrating!

Ya know Faith, I thought about you when I responded to JE.

You did tell me that he would call, but I will be honest and say, I thought you were wrong.

I don't know what his story is?????

K!

I agree with your gut. I hate to disagree with the ladies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, but I have BTDT and got the t-shirt. I have met many many women in my last few years of dating, and if nothing else, I learned to trust my gut.

The ones worth seeing again are those who are enthusiastic about it. The ones who are ambivalent or lethargic are not worth it. Worst of all are those who "condescend" to you asking them out on a date, but not because they want to really spend time with you, but because they want to be taken out and wined and dined. Those are the ones that make you feel like a meal ticket, yuck.

I say if she is not enthusiatic, don't bother. I don't mean that she needs to be jumping up and down, but if all you are getting are bad vibes, time to move on.

Yes, I know some will say that she may just be slow to warm up, and of course that may be. But I would say that in my experience, there has been a 100% correlation between someone's enthusiasm and their interest in continuing to see me. Every time I tried to say "well, maybe if I just take her out again to a nice place", it got me nowhere other than a $200 deficit in my bank account.

AGG

I gotta go with AGG on this one, and I'm female!

SO many times you think you should go with your gut and you don't and then kick yourself afterward...if your gut is saying get out, then get out. Nothing lost at all!
Yes, we may be nervous, etc, but I try to listen to my inner voice...

If you aren't feeling it, bail.
Just so you know, you can meet a gal for a quick cup of coffee or something and see if there's anything there. No need to waste time and money when that "one" might be walking in the door as you walk out! I also suggest a lunch at a deli or something...less expensive, a time line that you have, you get a good feel if it's worth a "meat ticket" (evening dinner) and that initial akwardness is out of the way.
Funny, we just all told you on another thread to be yourself, here you are, and still doubting... ??

AGG, are you seriously spending $200 on dinner? I'd go with the deli! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I try not to, but life here in LA is definitely life in the big city on steroids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Kinda hard to compete with the LA boys driving their Bentleys, while I pull up in the famous minivan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Seriously, I always prefer to meet for coffee first, but often I invest so much time and energy into the early e-mail and phone interactions, and then have to drive cross town for the date, that seems silly or rude to just get together for coffee. So inevitably these women pick out a nice place, add a bottle of wine, and bingo, I'm $200 lighter.

The funny thing is that looking back, the women I ended up having relationships with were those who either offered to split, or even paid for the whole dinner. No, it's not that I decided to date them simply because they chipped in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, but I am sure that such gestures and signs of enthusiasm impressed me as part of the bigger picture.

BTW, my worst dates were with women who picked out the most expensive restaurants and ordered the most expensive entrees. Hmmm, now that I read what I wrote, it sounds like I should stick to McDonalds and Starbucks dates, huh??

AGG

Okay I have to admit the first time I read this I thought you meant you went to a nice place for dinner had a bottle of wine and then played bingo...in LA nevertheless!!!!....LMAO...I'm such a blonde!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ROTF


HEY! Where I live McDonalds and Minivans Rule!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Before I depart on my T-day activities let me add one more thing that happened when we met.

She mentioned that she was not happy with the men she was meeting with the computer matching service and intended to review her profile and spruce it up. She said this mater of factly, not, I believe, intentionally directing it at me.

But.... It sure didn't make me feel good.

Ahh.. Life is to complicated.

Back to being myself and not trying to read the minds of other people.

A definate red flag there and a major lack of tactfulness!! Kick her to the curb and try again. Lots of frogettes out there to be kissed JE...don't give up just yet!

Have a great Thanksgiving!!!

I agree. Dump the loser and move on!

Happy Thanksgiving!

AGG

JE,
When did you decide to become a mind reader? How do you do that? "How's that workin' for ya?"!
I believe, if you look at other threads, the advice given was to be yourself!!! DO IT!!!
If a girl ain't gonna like ya for who you are, where you are, then, uh buh bye!
If there is a special pill or something that you are taking that gives you this mind reading power...will you let me know where you got it? Can I get it online? E-bay?
hee hee!
I'm giving you a bad time, but all the posts on here said just be you! On my on-line dating thing I say something like, "don't tell me who you WANT to be, show me who you are, because sooner or later, I'm going to find out, if I see it from the start I know what I'm dealing with, if it's after the fact, not sure if I will want to"... Something like that, but my point is, your true self inevitably comes out. It does with all of us. You just have to realize that you are FABULOUS as you are, all of you! There's a gal for you... just hang on. She'll be there when you least expect it, but are ready for her!
Good luck! Keep us posted!

Drita, not only am I a mind reader but also a fortune teller. Didn't you know that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Actually, those are two roles that I am often tempted to play and that I shouldn't.

How interested did she appear to be BEFORE you asked her out? Your original post doesn't in any way indicate that she showed any enthusiasm beforehand. Why would you ask a woman out if you didn't have reason to believe she'd be interested (i.e., if she's not returning your expressions of interest)?

JE, I don't think you should bother with this one. Why? Because she didn't make you feel good! And in my humble opinion, it doesn't sound like she tried to be a good date.

Good dates act interested. Good dates smile and show enthusiasm during the date. Good dates graciously decline a next date with a sad little smile if it isn't working for them.

And yuck for the comment about not attracting the kind of men she liked. It was inappropriate conversation for a date.

Justin, I'm going to disagree with just about everyone on this date..LOL..

I'm going to be brutally honest here.

You have got to relax and be confident while dating. You can't plan the convesrsation before the date. Conversation has to flow naturally or there will be no chemistry. Listen to what your date has to say and participate in that conversation or topic. Be yourself, be open and honest, relax and let what pops into your mind come out of your mouth. Don't plan anything about conversation.



Why didn't this make you feel good? She opened a huge door to a deeper conversation with this statement. And the level of honesty here is quite high.

Did you step through it?

Did you say something like. Really? What didn't you like about the men you have been meeting? Then let the conversation flow. You would started to get to know who she really is.

Justin... what did you decide???? Did you go out again???? Or have you decided yet??? Have you talked to her again?

Karona, I finally called Mr. Slow. He was happy to hear from me, and was afraid he'd messed up and lost me the last time (the second time) I rejected him because I was seeing someone. I have a little INSIGHT into why he was SLOW. Could be why other people we run across are SLOW, and should be a good tip for us that we NEVER know why people do what they do, and shouldn't try to judge or read minds. He said he ran a girl off one time because he called her TOO much. Could have been her preference, could have really been too much, so he was trying to do better at calling LESS. So, with me, maybe I was the extreme, and he wasn't calling me ENOUGH. Maybe your Mr. Slow had the same experience - you never know. Maybe his last GF told him he talked too much, so now he doesn't talk enough. LOL anyway... we have a date Wednesday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Whoa, big surprise Faith!
Now that is very interesting information! Thanks for sharing. I think it's great that he is trying a new approach and you have found out the reasons for his actions.

I'm excited/happy for you about your upcoming date!

I keep mentioning I want slow. What I mean is slow with enthusiasm. Does that make sense?? I want to know the person is interested in me, but for it to grow naturally and enjoy each step. This guy is giving slow a whole new meaning.

Keep us/me posted.
Karona