Hi again;<BR> I just left for a few hours, and spent some time with my son. I thought about this morning's events a lot, and my feelings and all, and really I guess I woke on the wrong side of the bed. My H was supposed to be at the farm lastnight, he got home around midnight, I didn't question it as he spends a lot of time there, being it's harvest and all.<BR> I stopped by his work today, and as I was waiting for them to break, H's father called, so I took the call. He asked if my H plans on coming to the farm b/c the tractor broke down yesterday and he needs some help. I said well, I thought you fixed it up last night, he replied that my H wasn't at the farm lastnight. I haven't talked to him about this yet, as I haven't had the chance. I guess it's time for some truth on both of our parts....<BR>Either way, I'm sorry about my bitterness and smugness this morning. Sometimes I feel like there's a tornado brewing in my head... everything spinning around so fast, I can hardly catch a thought and stick with it for longer than 3 minutes....is this normal? It don't feel normal....anxiety...I want this stack of monkeys off my back....I guess the first step would be to come clean, eh? That's no doubt. But then I wonder if it's going to make things better or worse....Hmm. I'm rambling on now...just another form of my temporary insanity setting in...I think I'll start a journal so that you all won't have to read all this mummble jumble...(hehee)

TEMPORARY is the right word here.... <P>Keep your chin up, but first prepare yourself before you come clean. Read the Basic Concepts and surviving the affair portion of the site! It at least will give some solutions before you throw out the problem!<P>hugs to you.

TnT is right - temporary. Be strong. You'll do ok. It's a hard road that we're traveling (all of us), but you can do it. I'm glad you decided to stay. Arm yourself and, when you need us, we're here.<P>Lori

Benna,<P>Glad you've calmed down from this morning! <P>Good luck figuring out what to do re: coming clean. Be prepared.<P>And don't you worry about rambling on this site. That's what it's here for!<P>--andy