another issue I have is that even if I really like a guy, he pressures me and gets angry about the lack of PDA, kissing and touching-I have no idea why but I am positive it's a good idea to go slow and do what I feel, in that I feel the sexual level ought to be set by me because it makes the relationship more equal. It's easy to things go too fast, and I know it looks controlling. I can't understand why I get so angry about this argument and then when a very attractive man does this, i suddenly lose all interest in him physically! It's as if I am being dramatized as an old, hard and mean woman with no concern for another's needs.

I feel guilted into showing some affection and I know that's bad BUT at the same time I can see the point of view-I wouldn't want to date someone without PDA either. Am I paranoid, am I crazy, but as you get older do you feel that sex and affection DO NOT secure a mate or even a romantic interest anymore? So if that's the case what is the rush unless the men I know really think I will become more emotionally involved that way?

I am already so emotionally involved I feel I am married again, so why the sudden insecurity? I don't even date men unless i really like them in the first place so I feel very insecure and scared when I am confronted with losing a friend because he says I don't have feelings.

one man I dated a year ago still wants to be more than a friend but has accepted friendship. Still, he can be moody and irritable with me, when if he was more patient I can't tell where things would go. We only dated three times and that wasn't enough time for me. He wont' spend any time alone with me now as he is afraid of being teased. He says sitting next to me is too much for him, is this being manipulative or truthful?

Anyway, he and I have a lot in common and I enjoy his company very much, and his stability, intelligence, humour, but physically I don't know if he's my type because I don't have a type yet!

Am I right in thinking that if I can't have sex with him, I shouldn't see him again? I really need an answer on that.

Thanks,
Natalie

Wow, I don't understand what you wrote.

Is it sex that you want to avoid, or PDA's, or any form of physcial affection like holding hands, arms around each other, etc???

Justin, I am not into PDA right now since we have been on three get togethers and only alone once. His son was there most of the time, I feel uncomfortable with PDA just to prove to his friends and son that we are intimate. I don't mind holding hands, or hugging but he is very uncomfortable with that as he feels I am teasing him and leading him on as he hasn't had sex in two years and can't handle his reaction. While I applaud his honesty I am not trying to tease him and it makes me feel it's hard on me as then he will blow or put his tongue in my ear, make suggestive comments-such as do you shave down there?

Most of the time he is very sweet and much less crude than the average guy-at least he tells me what he is thinking and when and he doesn't stare at other women when he is with me. It's clear he is just not capable of being rational around me because of his attraction and he's nervous. BUT I have been there before with a nervous guy who turned out later to be cool, and calculated. some of the things he says are much like what other men say when they are throwing out lines for a reaction-such as it may as well be me, you'll end up with a guy someday, guys want to sleep with you, get over it-and are you teasing me? I don't find these comments sexy.

He's all over the place emotionally with me and feels I am trying to put him in his place too much. it's draining so that as of now I feel close to him but do not trust my initial attraction.

He wants to know if I have feelings and I do. I am not that cold-where I will only say things I have to be held accountable for-but honestly my heart is slow-and I like him too much to go all out for him when we haven't spend enough time together. He can't seem to understand this and feels rejected by my rigid attitude. Also I prefer to make the first move, and it has to be subtle, usually I will say let's go in the other room and be alone, and then sit down together and then talk, or get closer-but he hates that, he feels I am teasing again.

Natalie

Natalie, is this the man who agreed to just be friends? If so, why would he pressure you for a physical relationship? Why would he feel rejected? You already rejected him as a romance.

I'm very confused about what is going on in your life, so I'm not sure I can offer anything of value.

However, I will say this, if this is the one who is just a friend for right now, he appears unable to truly accept that.

You could see him again as just a friend if you like him (only) that way.
He has to know that too...

Hi, Belonging, yes it's confusing because he does say he wants to be my friend and then after dinner he started saying something different last night. I told him I do care very much for him, as a very close friend but I only came over because I wanted to spend time with him, I even brought dinner. And he said that was great. At no time did I say I wanted to get physical, I wanted us to be friends. I do have feelings for him and maybe they are obvious because he said I have a phobia about sex and I am probably wacko. This was after he had a few drinks.

I know he is having a tough week as he is in a custody battle for his son, but I felt he was yelling at someone else, not me. I work for a lawyer and at one point he kept saying why do you have to be such a feminist and work for lawyers, they are all scumbags, come live with me and be my woman and I will take care of you. Why can't you be just a little submissive to me?? Then he started taking things out of context that I said months ago.

it just got to hard to be there so I left, knowing full well he will make me feel guilty about that, but I just can't stand the pressure of being yelled at, as I feel once I let that happen it never stops. It's as if he is criticizing my life but I can't yell back because of where I am at in my life. He also insulted me a few times on my age and attractiveness which isn't so great for my self esteem-

I wonder if I have better self esteem without him in my life but at first he made me feel like living again. Everytime I am caring with him, I told him I WILL not cuddle because that is teasing and in the end we will both be resentful.

He accepts that and then later he doesn't. I want to reassure him physically but even when I hugged him last night and told him it's okay he said it's not good enough he wants more.

How do I know he won't be unhappy if we are living together as it seems nothing I do or say is good enough now? I told him this but I don't think he wants to accept that either.

My ex was very much like this, one day he kept asking me for more, and more, and expected to figure out what. I am not perfect but I don't criticize and argue for fun because it causes too many hurt feelings.

It seems because I am independent and have a noticeable career I am viewed as an easy target for criticisms meant for greedy ex wives. I am not that invulnerable.

When I was down and sad when I met this man he was all ears and liked the way I was, now that I am feeling better, working harder and ready to move forward in a direction, he is angry and I am threatened with being alone. I need him to be my friend, to be supportive of me and what I am doing because I do the same for him-I know he is going through a lot but he doesn't tell me on the phone, I get confused because I don't know how to react when he is unhappy, emotional, confused and wants reassurance. I keep expecting us to move forward but we keep going back.

Natalie