Ok to make a long story short, my wife had an affair and some of you may remember me from the summer we divorced and went through all the different stages of divorce. I started dating someone else and which was way too early.

I gave her the love I had for my wife so I started talking to my wife behind my back and they both caught me.During all of this my wife wanted us to get back together. I broke it off with the girlfriend and she tried to kill herself. My wife and I still want to reconcile the marriage. My wife came to my parents house and poured her heart out to my mom and said that she wanted to wake up from this nightmare and wanted us to get back together and she did not want us to be apart anymore. She hasnt talked to my mom since april. Any thoughts

Come on please

It sounds very hopeful to me. Sounds like you both have a lot of feeling left for the other. And, I know of marriages that have recovered, even after divorce. And, I know that MB can work very well, if both partners are willing to work at it.

I would suggest that your best bet may be to work thru this with one of the MB coaches.

Good luck--

Kathi

GB:

I'm not sure what you want said.

It sounds like you were DV'd, started dating before you were ready 2, and essentially cheated on your GF with your xW.

What do you want 2 do?

Be ready, though. Thanksgiving will likely be a pretty quiet time on here. I'm about 2 head out the door myself.

Take care,

-ol' 2long

I want to work it out with my wife, we started counceling monday night

Well, from not caring if she talked to you for the rest of her life to wanting you back is quite a switch. What has been going on in her life?

She changed teaching jobs and moved, I told her to go out with someone else to see if this is what she wanted and she said no, she wants us back together. She says that she thinks of me all of the time.

Well your wife has left quite a path of destruction in her wake - your marriage, her OM's marriage, your girlfriend. Wonder who is next?

Does she express any remorse?

Purchase and read "After an Affair". Read it together. It will give both of you a look at the "other side"; ie, the feelings that have been going on from both sides of an affair.

Take it slow and easy. Make sure you both have time to lay all of your cards on the table, meaning you need to receive all the answers you have about the affair, and you have to be transparently honest with your Ex, and all of this should take place before you set up housekeeping together.

Frankly, she needs to "earn" her way back, and you need to be certain you want her back. All this should be done, though, with clean slates, with both of you giving and receiving all of the information you believe to be pertinent.

You will need to reach a point where you can be with her, and not "throw the affair in her face" every time there is conflict between you. To do this will stifle, if not smother recovery.

It's pretty much up to you, and what you want. There's no rush, so take your time, slow, easy, and all the assurance you desire.

Best wishes,
SD

Hi GABOY.

Like SD said, take it SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

Let her earn her way back while the both of you get counseling.

If she is pushing hard, then you dig in and slow it down. The last thing you want to do is go fast, and let her destroy you again.

Date her for a couple of years. Leave the sex out of it for at least 6 months while you both get TWO comprehensive STD tests.

The only thing to consider here, is that there is no decision that needs to be made quickly other than the one to take it slow. VERY slow.

All the best,
Gimble