For my own sanity, I need some help here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I know it is Thanksgiving but being Canadian, eh? lol I need to get this done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am in Plan B. And have not contacted the Dork unless it is regarding the financials or DD13. Sigh. So we are still getting getting our fix from each other <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I need silence and need closure. I am not entirely convinced that Dork wants a divorce. But I am not comfortable waiting while he makes up his mind. The rollercoaster ride is making me and DD13 sick.

He promised again, to keep in touch with DD13 by email. He did, for 4 days. Now it is 6 days since he answered her emails. And I know it can’t be easy. DD13 asked him some seriously difficult questions. Like when is it okay to be married and with a MOW? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Not my problem, though.

However, DD13 waits for him to respond <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />and this is disgustingly evil and coldhearted.

I broke Plan B to talk to him this AM. AND he has lied for months about the financial forms that I need to have before the LS can be completed. And the D cannot be filed until the LS is signed.

I am so frustrated I could spit!

And I will be calling him again tonight. I refuse to hang in limbo with one way communication efforts while he is on ignore. This is not settling anything. Yet he won’t commit to a D and he won't commit to rebuilding. Cake eater? Maybe. But as long as there is no D, he can’t commit to that ugly skank either. So I have no clue what his motives are. He is an alien. I am stuck in this junk and I need help extricating myself. I figure if I get at the very least the LS done, I can disappear and go completely dark. There will be no reason to contact him at all.

So here is the phone conversation that I had this morning.

BS: WH, you promised that you would email DD13 regularly! It has been 6 days since you responded.

Dork (very defensively and angrily) : I haven’t been able to get on the computer. (Now I KNOW he did have lots of opportunities so this was a BIG LIE!. AND I also know he was on the computer Monday night. Besides, if he really wanted to show DD13 that he cared bout her, he could log on before he went to work. He is up HOURS before anyone else. GRRRR!!!!)

BS: Dork, if you are not interested in keeping in touch with her, tell her so and we can move on.

WH: I AM so interested. I’ll do it tonight.

BS: What is the status of the financial forms?

WH: I am working on them! (anger and defensive tone)

BS: Dork, you have had since May. I also sent you the email from my lawyers office with a reply from your lawyers saying they do NOT have the form that you have insisted that you gave them

WH: I have to see my lawyer to see what happened.

BS: This is what you have said for month and still nothing. (Me thinking, if he wants the darned divorce why is he being such a [censored]?)

BS: Dork I want to get this done.

WH: ME TOO! (angry and defensive)

BS: (thinking oh YA??!!!! I’ll bet this is your excuse so that I can’t file for divorce. This is the only thing hanging us up. GRRRRRRRR. Not that I plan to right this second. I need this to file the LS agreement though. But I do plan to include Ditchpig4 in the divorce petition on grounds of adultery. And she will be named and be required to appear.)

BS: Okay, we have to get this done. I will come over there to get the forms or you can come here and we will meet someplace neutral. Which will it be?

(It has to be other than my house because apparently my 6’3” 200+ pound husband is physically afraid of me. – All 5’8” 130 pounds of big bad me)

WH: Neither!

BS. I hang up before I blowup.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Can I get some RB suggestions? He is in a fog so thick he can't see a darned thing. Especially since his eyes, ears and heart are shut tight

I have no clue as to his motive. HOw is this helping.

TO paraphrase Dr Phil. How is this working for him. What is the gain for DOrk? HOw is this resolving anything? I have been at it since Septmeber of 2004 and no resolutiona nd lots and lots of lies and alwasy the ignore mode and the stick your head in the sand ostrich junk.

faa...

Hang in there....today will be a slow day. I am also in Canada so no TG for me.....

Sounds like H is staling....I really do not understand these tacktics....we see it here all the time.....

Take care....

Hopefully it will not bee too long before someone comes along with some great advice for you...

Best,
Daisy

THanks WHite Daisy. West prairies or East Coaster. Or ON?

THat's what I don't get. I don't think that he is trying to protect DP4 form the divorce petition. THeir adultery seems to be winding down. Or she is making demands. Whatever. Not my problem.

But beleive me, I am ready to call her to ask her to tell DOrk to send in his forms. lol. That would go over well with both of them. Big LB if she demanded, huh?

Well, it would be good if she didn't tell him I called. But it would be to her advantage to tell him I did. SO I am torn.

Hey,
I am in AB....we have such a nice day today...perfect for some holiday...hmmmm too bad...

It would be funny if you called over there.....something tells me she does not know how hard he is working to avoid the D.....sheash!

My H also left, and has yet to bring up the D word...avoidance.....it is something that WS love.....they just want to walk away and avoid avoid......but sooner or later it hits them in the nose......and no more playing in the sand box.....

Daisy

BC here. It is cold here today. Unusually so.

WD, I love my H with all my heart. But I am not much of a doormat. I am also a codependent as per the book COdependent no MOre By Melody Beattie. So I am a control freak and alwasy want to fix everything and everyone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And I am working on that. With my IC. So I am trying to balance controlling me and DD13's life without doing DOrk's work for him. It is very much of a minute to minute struggle for me. I feel our lives are so intertwined that extricating me from him is like cutting off a limb.

It hurts unbearably. But feel I must do it. DOrk has alwasy been enabled by me and before me by my MIL and even now by DP4. We ALL want to "help" him and show him support. Unfortauntely this makes for no consequences. ANd no real sens of resposnbility for his own actions. HE is alwasy rescued.

As far as DP4 is concerned, I have no qualms aobut making her life miserable. But she really is of little consequence other than she makes me mad as he!! for saying that no one cares that they are both married and not to each other. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> And she is really a sympton of DOrk's issues. SHe is a willing partenr in the crime so I have no pity for her. I did ask her to step off and she refused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

DP4s D hates it. We hate it. And the worst part is having Dork's and my family tell me that he still loves me. But is scared and ashamed to try. But he has not said htat at all. THe only thing he has started to say recently is that "things can change". Sheesh!

My rescue mode is being tempted and I am so resisting.

And I don't want to call DP4 for another much more personal reason. If they are on the outs, I don't want to push them together with me as the commmon enemy. THat is the number one reason I haven't contacted her.

Besides, Dork might jsut get involved with an new OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> ANd hide that activity even more than this one. And I don't want to go through another D-Day. 3 is enough!

FAA,

Will help where I can......out here it is still in the AM so I got some time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for your daughter, this hurt is his doing. She has to go through the grieving stages also so her type of plan A vs plan B will carve it's own path. In the long run and with your support, she will learn to let go of the WS and hold her heart open for her real father to return. You can't hide her from his hurt you can only help her cope with it. ;( Sad but true. Reassure her of your love and support. Be honest with her that you have asked her dad why he has 'chosen' not to respond. Let her know he 'claims' to have been busy. Let her decide how she will handle those words. Then remind her the importance of truth. Remind her of your love and support. These tests will mold her character and strengthen it for good instead of giving the WS any credibility.

As for the financials, let that work out through the lawyers. He is stalling. See if his pay c/b verified via the employer instead of his statements. Let your lawyer know you have been given info or led to believe he is lying regarding financials. It is high time everyone stop giving him the benefit of any doubt.

JMHO,
L.

(((Orchid))) I would LOVE to have my lawyers handle this. Unfortunately, I am in a serious financial bind becasue of the lawyer bills. I had to take out a 2nd mortgage and got laid off right after. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

So, I cannot go through my lawyer. WHich is why I feel I need to resolve this if I can. And beleive me, I am not happy about it. THis is not good for me.

AS far as DD13, she is a rock. I have been honest and very supportive with her. I am proud of both her efforts nad mine. And we will get thorugh this.

BUt (isn't there alweays one?) I want away! I want peace. And I am sick to death of this legal [email]cr@p[/email] hanging over us. He has been supplying the support with not too much pain. BUt I want and need this done!


I want to relax for the holidays. And I want no unplesant surprises. Been too much of that in the last year.
HEnce the request for possible responses to his WS BS aka as alien fog CA.

AS far a shis employer, he is in th emilitary. And I tried. THey are unbeleivably NOT helpful.

Ok, next level: certified mail. Keep copies of your requests and his responses. C/b other suggestions but I am not a lawyer. Maybe Brit's Brat c/b give legal direction (not advice as she so aptly states <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

As for what you say you need, I understand but r they really needs? I think for now, you have a lot on your plate and are angry at how he is treating your daughter. Now go review those priorities again and if you had only 1 thing for him t/d what would it be? Why? Because generally the WS can't handle more than 1 thing at a time. It's just their make up....remember the calculator in his brain is broken. They took out the logic function and that is being used on the mothership as a navigational tool. YUCK!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

It hurts unbearably. But feel I must do it. DOrk has alwasy been enabled by me and before me by my MIL and even now by DP4. We ALL want to "help" him and show him support. Unfortauntely this makes for no consequences. ANd no real sens of resposnbility for his own actions. HE is alwasy rescued.

I could have said that! I think a lot of problems do arise when dealing with a personallity that is used to being "rescued".....My H did expect me to pay all my bills and his bills when he left to "figure things out"......his figuring things out did not include getting a job........hmmmm why was I not on board I wonder?????

Hang in there....

Daisy

Orchid. As usual, you ROCK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Straight through MY FOG! ANd straight past my excuses. And keeping me strong and true. Thank you. Again! Boy, do I have a hard head and a stubborn spirit. Gee ya think? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have sent numerous requests by email and by courier. I have all the documentation. AND signed for. NO response. BOth at his supposed residnece and DP4s house. With signatures.

He has numeorus letters from my lawyer as well. That were sent through his lawyer and forwarded on to him through my email as a back up copy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Interesting question. Is it a need or a want/desire?

I have been asking that question of myself. Honestly? I am not sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Most likely a want/desire/wish for peace and quiet. I need to regroup. I ]need to get off this rollercoaster. I need to go someplace and lick my wounds, so to speak. I feel very fragile and dread each day and each new discovery. And that makes me angry.

Orchid, I b]]need[/b] to be in Plan B. But I can't have that with the finacials hanging over us.

I want DOrk to stay in touch with DD13. But that I b]]know[/b] is out of my hands. (Yay! Progress!)

So, on reflection, I need the financials settled. THat is a need. And I see no other solution than me interacting with him. Which brings me right back to where I started.

I have analized this to death. True to my nature. SIgh. I have asked myself constantly if this is my excuse to see him. And honestly? Sigh, Maybe. BUt the feeling of dread and despair is terrible. I want a miracle. I know that is unlikely.

So for me, getting this financial LS stuff out of the way without it costing me any more money than it already has, gives me some sense of hope that I can walk away and be really dark. I want to put this burden down.

As far as DD13. It is painful sometimes. But I wouldn't trade that fight for anything. She is one fantastic young lady. I am proud to be here for her. It is not a chore. It is a privilege to have her as my D.

WD. DOrk is a typical WS. Except for the support. He has not liked it one tiny bit. But his support for DD is alwasy on time. A lot of whining etc. But manageable. It is the rest of the infuriating CA stuff that makes me crazy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Frankly, if he wasn't such a huge CA, we wouldn't be in this mess. Well, probably not in a happy place becasaue of other issues. BUt NOT here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Hello fellow albertan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think it's nice all over Alberta today - even way up north here

Hey there Dorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />....

Ah, it is so gorgeous out......wish it would stay....but we both know it is not going to last much longer! I hope you get to enjoy it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...

Daisy