are you misbehavin?

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I'm thinking they must be out with BigGuy and Check...LOL

[color:"blue"]Not misbehaving, just working very hard - end of the year and everyone scrambles to finish stuff.

I also had some vacation time and took it.

I have also been mulling too much over BF and I don't generally get a very positive response over the way I "let" him treat me or the way that I come across when I vent here.

T-day his mom was excited according to BF over "all her boys" being home for the holiday and BF told me that she wanted to host T-day at her house. I asked if he thought she would manage OK because she is in her mid 70s and just had knee replacement surgery 5 weeks ago and her weight and the surgery has really laid her up.

He asked her and she told him that she was sure that she and the boys could handle it. Then she told him to have me call her about it. She told him that she could handle the turkey and stuffing and potatoes and well really we shouldn't put out a lot because no one needed to eat so much - we all worry about our health, etc.

When I called her she "mentioned" that son#1 just loves sweet potatoes and son#2 green beans and she had several doctor appointments scheduled and didn't know where she would find the time to bake a pumpkin pie. And boy weren't oatmeal cookies the favorite of everyone?

But we really shouldn't have all that stuff - we would all just eat too much.

I think I set myself up - last year I brought several dishes to the Christmas dinner that she hosted and maybe she thought I could do so again.

I really just resented the way that she did it. I thought it was very manipulative to just put the idea out there and not to actually ask if I could bring this stuff.

At least when you ask you acknowledge that someone is helping you out rather than trying to make it seem as though it is an everyday occurrence to expect a guest to bring half the dinner.

I was a guest, right? I mean I'm not her daughter or relative - just her son's <new> girlfriend of 19 months or so.

My BF says that he thinks mom thinks I just enjoy doing all of that - she bases most of her self-worth on her domestic value.

Anyway - the very nice thing was that BF came over and while he is a very bright guy and can do anything - he chooses not to do much in the kitchen. He chose to come and help me with all the preparation which was very very nice and much more fun than doing it all myself.

Typically however, he had other plans for the evening that he ended up cancelling at the last minute when he saw how much time was involved and we weren't done in time to dine with another couple. I felt badly if the other couple had missed out on anything because he knew for several days that he would be tied up, but he is always so "optimistic" about fitting everything into his calendar, that he probably figured he and I would do both.

He also suggested we send out Christmas cards this year from he and I and my children??? Should we put two addresses on the envelopes so that return cards can be sent to both residences?

V.[/color]

I'm glad you posted an update!!!!

Yep, some women feel that domestic thing. I'm no Martha Stewart, but I love to "do" things for people, and especially love to "feed" as a sign of love and care. I like to bring snacks to work for my department, or make breakfast in bed (when there's someone to make it for!), or bake cookies for whomever! And especially BF's Mom's generation, I think, believe in all that.. especially at the holidays. My Aunt always has the family over, and she always makes sure we all bring something, AANNNDDD she makes enough food for an army by herself.

That's GREAT that BF came over to help you with the preparations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I don't have a clue???? Would people assume you're married? Or getting married? Could you write one of those neat Christmas "here's what's going on" letters and include the photo? Even if you put 2 addresses, would people understand why, or who he was?

hugs,
Faith1

me?? quiet??
HAR HAR HAR HAR....

Ok...guess I've been out of the update business.

I'm not misbehavin -- ALTHOUGH I'M SERIOUSLY TEMPTED TO!

New BF abandoned me over the long weekend. I got lots of house projects done like cleaning my carpets and decorating for Christmas. I spent lots of quality mommy-time too.

He got back last night, and I'll see him tonight. He mentioned that he and his buddy have one last weekend at his hunting place...tradition. And buddy has chosen this coming weekend. Which means I am abandoned AGAIN (and not taking it well AT ALL!) Why is it not in "men's" vocuabulary to say "gosh darn it, that weekend just doens't work for me..."

I'm having this deja-vu feeling -- cuz with XBF, all of our plans were dictated by whether or not his friends needed his time. Why can't any of my men just pick me first? UGH.

Do I say anything? Or just suck it up with a smile like usual? But in the meantime, I am realizing that I have no single friends (besides guys...) to go play with. So if I wanna go have any fun this weekend -- its either being the fifth wheel with the couples, or putting myself in the danger zone with one of the single guy friends (most of whom have some sort of interest in dating me even if I do not have the same interest in them...)

XBF you ask? STILL calling. Messages have escalated to "I will love you til the day I die..." and the "I love you - be with ME..." variety. Ummmm...wow. He has re-written our relationship history quite differently than I have.

I kinda think -- this break-up was for the best, not really overall compatable, good guy but not right for me, glad to move on.

He seems to think -- soulmates, we'll get back together someday, he made a mistake in giving me up, and of course the "we will love each other for all times..." EWWWWW.

Gotta run -- catch you gals later!!

Glad you are alive and kickin Lex! xBF is scary! He must be related to my xBF! He made a big announcement that we couldn't be friends anymore because he is still in love with me, but changed his mind, and he still calls calls me. I said, well I can't be friends NOW, since I know you are still pining away. I'm glad he's not leaving messages like yours though!

Your BF: hmmmm.... are you torn sorta like I am? I want a confident, independent guy, that has a life of his own, that's not clinging to my side every moment, desperate for my attention and approval and nurturing.... but yet... I still want ENOUGH attention and cherishing and valuing and ... to KNOW I'm a priority and his WOMAN and yessss..... that I'm on his mind all the time? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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[color:"blue"] Amen sister, and who doesn't want that?

Remember women leave men because of neglect. If men would realize that then they might reprioritize and give the attention needed. I can't think of many men that I know that wasn't totally confounded by his ex's departure and many men that still don't believe that neglect can so erode a woman's love.

V.[/color]

Sunny - you are so right.

BF and I have spent LOTS of time together this week (I think he's trying to score points prior to departure... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

However, he's been sick all week. Running a 103 degree temp. Basically coming to my house and falling asleep. I don't mind babying him and nursing him.

BUT if I end up sick by the weekend and he leaves me home with no one to take care of me...I will not be too pleased - ya know?

[color:"blue"]LOL do you remember if I wrote recently about two things that peeved me?

One was that BF runs around so much every night that he comes to my house exhausted and was just coming over and falling asleep on my couch. I told him forget it - I wasn't going to tolerate that - spending time with me is NOT me watching you sleep.

The other peeve was that BF got upset when I didn't want to visit him while he was ill with a nasty cold. He wanted TLC - but you are right - when I got it or my kids got it, then he was not there night and day nursing us.

Then there was his manipulative mother engineering how she could be a hostess without doing much of the cooking. (And if you've ever met one of these you'd know what I mean - they lord it up as the hostess sucking up attention and make sure that everyone knows how much trouble they've gone to in order to be the hostess...)

Then there was last night which is supposed to be our date night. I asked him if he wanted to do something fun and he emailed me the suggestion that we could work together to put up his Christmas decorations.

I grew a spine and told him that helping him put up decorations was not my idea of fun. Martha probably enjoys it - I must not be worthy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

V.[/color]

awwww.... v.... I was trying to think of something fun for Mr. Slow and me to do over the next couple of weeks, and decorating was one of my ideas. His or mine, either or both. You don't like doing it?

Not sure if this helps or not... since your BF has no kids... here's MY perspective... since I don't have kids. I'm bummed out about putting up decorations, like WHYYYYY. I don't wanna! But the thought of asking a SO over to help me brightens my day and makes it seem worth it. Do you think THAT might be where he's coming from?

[color:"blue"]Faith,

Yes this is probably his perspective - he said it was much easier to do with help last year (I helped him) and I know that there are a lot of things he doesn't like to do but would find more fun with me around. Unfortunately they are things like painting or projects.

I have enough of my own painting and projects in my own house to do, and if he wants to share chores then maybe he should buy the cow - ya know?

V.

PS I don't know how many times I've heard guys complain about their GFs having a "todo" list when they visit and all they want to do is relax.

Guys chime in, please. [/color]

You sound frustrated.... you still don't feel like he does enough for you, v? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]I don't like being invited over to do someone else's work. You wouldn't invite someone over and then say "gee I'm hungry - how about making us some eggs?" Or "gee I'm painting the doors upstairs, how about grabbing a brush and helping me out?"

V. [/color]

I always volunteer to help J do stuff and he tells me no and to make myself comfy..so I do and I sit and talk to him while he's doing whatever it is he's doing. He's still doing what he needs to finish up and we are visiting at the same time. No biggie.