6 months before D-Day WH and I were at a wedding. He was talking to someone and when I walked up and joined them he introduced me as his girlfriend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> At the time I would have sworn on my life that he would never have an affair but it did not sit well with me. At the same wedding I was introduced to another couple. The wife tells me that her husband did not think my WH was married. She told him that she thought he was. I guess this conversation came up after one of their parties. WH would go to an annual football party at their house without me. WH told me the timeline for A was 2005, not sooner. As soon as the words were out of his mouth I knew they were a lie. I believe his affair started last fall but I wonder if there were others. I wonder who this man is that I've been living with all these years. And I wonder where I fit in the picture. Who was I to him?

I was in such denial D-Day for me was not a day but a fairly long period of yes he is, no he's not. A friend of mine pushed me to confront him as to what exactly it was that I did that made him want to move out (bad idea). Anyway, he asked me to meet him on a deadend road where he proceeded to tell me "I just don't feel the connection anymore and haven't for a long time. And I just want the breakup to go smoothly." WTH??? Who are you? Arthur Fonzarelli?? Sorry Pal but this ain't Happy Days and we're not Joanie & Chachi breaking up after high school!
Put your big boy pants back on, suck it up and count your blessings. Mark my words. He will grievously regret this some day. (Picked that big word up at the attorney's office. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

Don't know why I'm writing this, just to vent I guess. There are so many lies and half truths and memories fade in and out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Shattered,

I am there with ya on this. So many memories and so many things maybe I/we should have seen or said.

Just wish I had found MB before I made some of the mistakes I did the crying, begging, pleading and then the ultimate make him leave our home. If I had found this place first I would have handled things so different, Maybe would have had the same outcome but at least I would not question myself everyday about how i handled it.

Hang in there you/we will make it through this nightmare.


Hurting

Hi Shattered.

There are so many things we can look back on and regret about before we knew about the affair(s). I sometimes hate myself for being so blind, but I try to remind myself that there's nothing wrong or stupid for trusting in your spouse - it just seems that way after they betray you.

My STBX has also lied (I think) about when the A started. He told me it was just before Christmas last year, but I think it was actually when he and OW (and another colleague) went away to Spain for a school trip just after Easter '04. He was so 'up' and hyper after that trip, and I think that was because of the OW, rather than a great trip. Also, after he left, I found some photos of the OW on our computer from the Spain trip, in a folder called 'Memories'. Funny, those photos cut me to the heart, even though they seemed innocent at first glance, in the light of what had happened they seemed so intimate.

At the time he was in Spain, I was having tests for Crohn's Disease. I don't think he could bring himself to admit that he began an affair in Spain whilst his sick wife was undergoing horrible tests in his absence.


Funny, that's all I have left now - my love bank is empty, and all I hope for is his regret. Someday, I hope that even that won't matter to me any more.

{{{Shattered}}}

Alph.

Hurting,

I did exactly the same thing. The crying, pleading, begging, interspersed with some angry outbursts. He just stepped over me as I lay there sobbing and went on his merry way. I was pathetic but was having an out of body experience and couldn't stop myself. I even went so far as to apologize that he had to come home to me every night when I made him so unhappy. Can you see why I struggling to write him a Plan B "Love Letter"?

Regarding our responses, however, we (BS's) are following a script as well. Our behavior is "normal" for a person dealing with infidelity. Thank God we have this forum.

Hi {{{{{{Alphin}}}}}}

I am sorry to hear about the Crohn's disease. Do you have it or did it prove to be something else? That must have been very difficult. As we all know it seems impossible to take care of ourselves in the aftermath of D-Day. Having been diagnosed with something that requires a lot of vigilance about your health in the same timeframe must have been very difficult. Hope you are currently on the mend.

Hi Shattered.

I do have Crohns. The stress of the A did bring on a rather nasty bout of the illness, but it's much better now, thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Reading what you have written to Hurting about your WH leaving you - stepping over you as you cried - made me so mad. How can the WS be so cruel?

I also apologised to my WH for making him so unhappy in our marriage - he blamed me completely for the affair, and I believed it for weeks. I hated myself for what 'I' had done to our marriage, took all the blame on myself. I loved him so much.

Now I can only think of him as cruel, weak and cowardly.

Alph.

Shattered05:

Truthfully and rather selfishly, I want to thank you for the vent posted above...I am having a bad day at work here (weekend call)....and have been swamped with work (been to the OR three separate times today and it is not even 8 pm yet) and call and lack of sleep....I have been feeling burned out lately (past 1-2 weeks or so)......your vent and characaterization as your WH thinking he is "Arthur Fonzarelli" wanting it to go "smoothly" just made my f-ing day.........I am literally cracking up laughing out loud over that....

Thanks.........I needed that...(now I am off to do evening rounds) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Shattered05 -

It will get better though! One day at a time, believe me. It is strange how the WH feels like they can just write off the seriousness of the M that way. So, that's how little the wedding vows meant, huh??

Abducted by the Alienship. I picture these Aliens performing all kinds of weird experiments on my WH as he is strapped down to a table.

Take care Shattered!

Kim