Post deleted by lallen

My FWW fell in love with a guy at her work and claims they never had sex too. Many don't have sex but it is said that so many EA's do lead to sex. With or without sex, her connection to the OM is at the expense of her connection to you. THe sex issue is secondary at this point, although that question never completely goes away for me either. I am two years past DD.

Start reading everything you can about EA's. IT is said they are much more damaging than a one night stands because the feelings are real for the WS and the OP. It is crucial for your wife to stop talking to this guy immediately. The problem is they feel like they are best friends and they don't want to lose their best friend.

I would suggest you contact the OM's wife if he is married and express your concerns over the relationship. She may not be aware of the relationship. At this stage of the game, the most honest and trustworthy person will lie to try and protect their relationship and their perceived feelings of reality.

Welcome to our world, you have just begun the nightmare.

TooSoon

lallen

I would suggest that this is an EA even if your wife does not notice it as such.

My wife basically got attached to an old boyfriend that was dying of kidney failure. She spent similar time on the phone with him over a period of months. I would suggest you read survinig an affair by Harley. Then the 2 of you need to contact MB about counseling together. Steve Harley is great and I have heard Jennifer is awesome also.

Read my thread below to see what I went through 4 years ago and am now going through. You may see some things of similarity.

I hope that is not the case, but were there is smoke there is usually fire. Good Luck.

You have to go down a few threads to see the reference to EA #1 about 4 years ago.
Waitingonlove's Current History

lallen:

My FWW was always religious and truthful. When she got in over her head with her OM, she began lying to me almost daily. She was always making excuses where she had to go, etc. The point is, she lied constantly to protect her relationship with the guy she fell in love with. The love for him was substantially greater than the love she felt for me at that time. She did everything in her power to keep him and was willing to walk away from her home, her kids, her husband, and even her dog. Her love was that strong and to this day she maintains there was no sex involved.

Suzet, a BB poster and FWW, had an EA for 3 years and there was no sex involved so don't automatically assume there was sex. Let the story unfold. I drilled my wife over months and months and approached the sex subject from every angle I could conjer up. Her details always remained the same and the truth is always in the detail. If you catch her mixing up her stories, it may be a reason for suspician but allow her to almost try and prove she didn't.

I hope this helps some. Maybe other WS's will share their no-sex affair experiences and that may help you also. Dr. Harley points out that many people justify their relationships and they don't feel like they are in an affair because there is no sex involved.

TooSoon

I would aggree with TSTBC above. (2 posts up). You should contact the OM's wife if he is married and expose the problem.

Really become versed by reading as much as you can here and in Harley's books. She is for sure in an EA. Nip it early. You are in for a huge roller coaster ride if our experiance is anything.

Your wife will soon begin to act like a stranger. Some people call them aliens. It is just a way to describe their behavior after D-day and rest assured you have a D-day now.

God's speed and strength to you. You are going to need it. You will find much support here, but also information.

Learn from as many as you can. Stay in this forum also for now.

Lallen,

I see TooSoon have mentioned me on this thread. If you're interested in knowing more about my story, click the link in my signature line. It will help you see how serious & intense people can get involved in feelings and emotional attachment & attraction towards an opposite sex person even in situations where there is nothing physical going on and/or where things haven't yet progressed to a full-blown EA.

Suzet:

Thanks for jumping in but thanks for linking our discussion of 15 months ago online. Reading the thread brought back the emotions I was going through at the time. It is so important for BS's to know that time does heal, spouses fall back in love with each other, and there is life after one spouse makes a mistake. I don't think there is a day that goes back that gives me comlete freedom from the ordeal but you learn to accept it as a fact of life and you choose to go forward. Take care.

TooSoon

You're welcome TooSoon. I hope the emotions brought back by re-reading the thread was not too upsetting for you. Take care too and all blessings while moving forward in your recovery.

Suzet

lallen, a few spaces up from your post (maybe a page before your post on Active Topics) is an excellent thread about emotional affairs. "Today Show: Warning Signs of EA posted by 10Swords)
It didn't matter that my H had never been sexually intimate with his BestFriend. Their close relationship, supported by her husband who thought it was so wonderful, was more devastating than a simple sexual contact - a one night stand with a stranger - would have been.

We now have separate households. I filed for divorce this summer and we should be divorced by February.

Be aggressive, if ;you want to save your marriage.

It doesn't matter whether they had sex. They are in an affair.

lallen,

try this link. There are actually 2 articles referenced on the post. This is in the recovery section. Hope it takes you there.

10swords Post from the Today Show on EA's

lallen

You still there. I saw where your post was deleted. You ok?