Hers another question I have my wife is really close with her parents but doesent want to let them know about the A because she does not want to hurt or dissapoint them or look bad in there eyes, I think she needs some support from someone other than me, should she tell them? I know I cant eventhough I dont agree because it will just hurt my position. I think keeping the problems we are having from them is adding to her stress.

My inlaws were some of the first people I exposed to. Is your W currently wayward or what? If she's still wayward, you should tell them.

IMHVO, she needs support to recover your marriage not to support the affair. Where do you all stand?

She has no contact with OM, she is just getting over the worst of withdrawal, but is still emotionally distant with me.

taz

You need to tell, I did not and I have no support from inlaws. I am not sure how my WW presented this to them. I feel it would be different had I done the exposure.

Hi,
When my husband had his affair, during one of our counselling sessions, it was suggested that we not tell our parents (especially mine, as I was the one that had been wronged), as it may cause tension if we stayed together. Of course, yours is a slightly different matter as it would be the WS parents you would be telling. My WH told his father, but mainly because money he had borrowed from his father went to OW and I told him I did not want to have to go without while he paid that money back to his father.
Too bad if your wife doesnt want to look bad in her parents eyes, it was her choice to have the affair and she should have thought about this before she did it. If you think she needs her parents support it may be for the best for them to know. Of course they will be diappointed with what she has done but I'm sure they'll cope. You both need whatever support you can get right now. I know I couldn't have got through this without the support of the few people that did know what had happened.
Just my opinion, but after all, that's what you wanted.
I probably sound a bit harsh at the moment and I do apologise. I am going through a bit of a crisis at the moment. It has been 16 months since my H's affair ended and 16 1/2 months since he had contact with OW. Any business trips he has taken in this time (his A was carried out while he was away on business), he has taken me with him. Tonight he is going away for less than 24 hours interstate to a presentation for work and I am not going with him (can't afford it for 1 day and can't get time off work). Even though he will be gone for less than 24 hours and busy with work for most of that time, I am in a mild state of panic. I can' help but remember all the other times he went away and was with her, and all the lies I was told. It's hard, but I guess I'll get through it, I have to.
Anyway, enough of my problems, good luck with yours.
Love and hugs, reewil...

My counsoler thinks they should know also, but suggests that it not come from me, I thought that over the holiday while visiting her parents she would break down & it would come out but my 16 year old son ended up in the hospital & had to have his appendix removed so we stayed home for the holiday.

taz,

I am sorry about your son needing an appendectomy.I hope he is doing well.

As for telling the In-Laws,I do think it would be appropriate to tell them together as a united couple.I think this would relieve tension for your WW but also if you show those around you how committed you are then that may ease their minds.Otherwise your WW has to live with this "secret" in her heart and mind and that may just slowly eat away at her conscience.

I think it's much easier to forgive when you are actively taking part in making ammends then if you are continuing as a WS.I am sure her parents love her and would be shocked but she could also use some support and care.Once they come to terms with it all then they very well might just give her that.She is their daughter.Part of growth is owning up to ALL mistakes,not just picking and choosing what ones to let out and admit to.

My SIL told my In-Laws right at the beginning and although I was not the WS they were very supportive of *us until my WH didn't stop what he was doing and then they were very angry with him for some time.But the A is over for your WW so I hope she will confide in them.

O

Thanks for asking about my son, yes he is doing much better we could have done without the added stress but thats life & hes ok. She is still not wanting to really talk about what got us to this point with me or anyone else, when I ask all I get is that she needs time, Iunderstand the hurt & pain she has gon through but ignoring what got us to this point wont fix anything.

Cliff

You are absolutely right and don't let that slip by,ever.

Stay Strong Cliff~

O

I'm not sure exposure is necessary if the affair is truely over. Just my 2c

I was just looking at it from the point of her getting some support from somone other than me. for all I know it may hurt my chances of fixing things but I think she need it eventhough she seems to be handling things better now.