I haven't talked to my WxH since April and now he left a message that he wants to talk to me.

I'm scared to call him back, it just opens up all the emotions again.

He didn't specify on what the call is about, its probably something minor, I doubt its about fixing our relationship.

So why am I so reluctant to call him back?

I would be reluctant too!!! What is the point of allowing him to hurt you again?

So, you don't have a clue as to why he'd be calling you? No clue in the message??

Kim

You have options:

1. Send him an e-mail saying you would like to (or feel safer to) correspond via e-mail.

2. Call him back. Record the call in case it is needed.
Go to Radio Shack or someplace to get those devices you can put on your phone. You could also have someone with you for support while the call is being made. If so, choose wisely.

3. Have a 3rd party return his call for you.

There c/b more options (ie: writing a letter, singing telegrame, etc.) but you get the pix.

How are you doing? Why do you think you are feeling so vulnerable?

L.

He didn't leave any clue. My WxH moved to Vegas with OW from our New Jersey home. He promised me he would stay in the area, (another promise he broke)

It just startled me that after 7 months why he would be calling me?

It could be something simple like something he forgot in the house, to something like (my imagination is running wild on this one) he wants to marry the OW and wants to tell me personally.

I guess the only way I will find out is just call him. He couldn't have hurt more than he already has.

Orchid,

I guess I'm still vulnerable after all this time. I spent the Thanksgiving holiday at my brother-in-law's house (my WxH brother). My WxH's parents were there and my sister-in-laws family visiting from Texas were also there. I also get to spoil my 20 month old niece, something my WxH is missing out on.

I guess I'm a little freaked out, I have been having dreams about him the last few night and then out of the blue he calls.

I just don't want to sound weak when I call.

Your other options include: Not calling or have BIL call.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid has a good suggestion then - does he have an e-mail address where you can contact him? That would be an excellent way to correspond if need be. You won't get all choked up on the phone and you can sound stronger through the written word!!

It's awful what the WH misses out on. WH missed out on DS loosing his first tooth yesterday. I popped it out myself as it was hanging my just one root!! Sure, DS can tell him all about it but there's nothing like being there. WH also missed getting to do the tooth fairy thing. DS was so excited this morning when he came in & showed me that $$ that the tooth fairy left him!!!

Hang in there. You will get stronger!!

Kim

I just called him.

First he said "Do you have a minute", I said "TWO if you are lucky"

My wild imagination was sort of on track. He called me to tell me that he didn't want any secrets between us and he told me he has been living with the OW and its becoming more serious. I told him that I already knew she was out there, even though he kept denying it.

The other reason he called is that he wanted me to know he is thinking about coming home for the holidays with the OW and since I'm close to his family there will be a great chance of me running into him with her.

That blew me away, because (I told him this too) that in my dreams I have been having the last few nights was seeing him again. He asked if I punch him out and I said no, I just stood there in my dream not knowing how to react.

I haven't seen my WxH since March of 2004 when I ran him to him shopping with the OW.

He also want to me know he is very serious about the OW and he wants to spend the rest of his life with her and that he wants me to find someone too, instead of waiting on him. I told him "What a Ego, to even think I would even want him back after everything he put me through.

We made some small talk, he asked about Chloe our 8 year old dog, we shared.

Holidays are stressful enough, now knowing my WxH will be in town with the OW (its not official yet, he said plane tickets are high) has me on edge.

Expose again. This time as a warning for the family and friends vs yourself. Let them know you thought they ought to know. Expect t/b hurt if they choose to accept the OW.

Let the OW fall on her face and don't encourage anyone to help her. BTW, same goes for the stupid WxH.

Give him the point of warning you but I figure he did it because he fears your support out your way is big. Maybe the OW is pushing to meet the folks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

My in-laws have been great through out this. They even support me exposing the A. I know they miss their son and they don't trust the OW, she played games with them trying to win them over and try to have me ousted. It didn't work. I'm closer than ever with them.

I know my in-laws will try to tolerate the OW, but I know they love me like their own.

As my MIL said, "God will handle both of them in his own way, more powerful than either one of us could do, He will take care of them in his own time"

My WxH told me he wanted to have relationship with his family again and I told him I was fine with that, but don't expect me to give them up for you. They are the only family I have and they have loved and support me through this whole mess. I love them and I'm not going to stand in your way, but as long as his family wants me around, I'm going to be there for them.

Maybe I will make some phone calls and expose again, I know I have a wonderful support group behind me.

Also, My in-laws still have pictures of me with my WXH around their house. I wonder how the OW will feel about that.

Hope, have your inlaws been in contact with your ex their son? though all this time? his big move to vegas, did they know that he was living with her while out there? I ask because if he decides to move back here near his family and he gives them an ultimatum in choosing him and gf or you, they might give into to his threat of not seeing again, so please be prepared if things do cool between the inlaws and you. I hope that they do the tought love thing and call him on his actions.....

What a horrible predictiment you find yourself in.

I am so sorry he is still stirring up emotions for you. I noticed though that you have been divorced well over a year now.

It sounds like xwh is trying to get his life back that he gave up when he had the affair and divorced you.

I am just curious though, why would you be exposing his affair, when you are not married anymore?

I don't mean that rudely, just curious.

I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling having him show up with the ow.

Would you really want him back if he actually said he wanted to come home?

KDS:

I kind of mirror your sentiments. It almost seems like the original poster still has not let go and accepted reality.

What is their to expose?

I would be fearful that the inlaws take their "blood" back into their lives and start a separation with hopelesslydevoted....Remember, that even murderers and rapists have still gotten support from their mama's....I am sure the pain that she is in (Mom) has been in has been tremendoous and she is probably overjoyed to have her son home, even if it is with the Other Woman (who sadly, is not really the "other woman" anymore...).

I think the situation is sad, and I have a sense that hoplesslydevoted was silently hoping that the call from her EX was for something else....it is ok, I am sure we all understand....

I hate the word "closure"...but maybe this is what the original poster needs to be hit with....to help her move on FOR REAL...

Just my .02

Lem

Been thinking about this thread throughout the day.... I think the WSXh now wants the his BSxW enable his A and pave the way for HIS family to accept him and OW! YIKES!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Pave the WAY?!?!?! Nope, expose the plot is more like it. I have seen this happen several times b4. Seems the WS realizes his A has lost not only his BS and their family but his parents and siblings as well. Maybe cut out of any inheritance? What other selfish motive could it be? Hm..... the OW still has her claws in the WS and that makes both of them still dangerous.

What t/d? IMHO, notify or not is the BS' choice. If you notify it c/b construed as a warning and may lessen the shock (OW c/b sent on her best behavior but it is only a matter of time b4 she reverts back to the evilness within) or don't say nothing and let them get over their own shock.

The sad and scary piece is that it is possible for the Ws and OW to convince others the A is now legit. Bull hockey! But in the meantime family members could be handing over the keys to the estate and their hearts. Very dangerous.

JMHO,
L.

When my WxH moved out to Vegas it was a shock to everyone including his family.

My in-laws are unique people, I know I'll be part of their lives as long as I want to be. My WxH also knows this and I don't think he will ever offer an ultimatium to them.

I already accepted the fact that I will never attend another family reunion, wedding, funeral etc., because of the likelihood of my Wxh attending them with the OW.

I know how his family feels about her and her malipulating ways. I know and so does my in-laws know she is after their money. Deep down I think my WxH does too, but he is in denial.

I don;t know why he felt compelled to call me and to tell me he might be coming home for the holidays, when its not official he is coming. Or why he felt compelled to tell me he is living with the OW. I already knew this, even though he was denying she was out there with him.

I could tell he was nervous telling me this information, unless it was guilt setting in and he had to tell me the truth.

I haved loved him for seventeen years and I felt like I don't even know him anymore.

1. Tell tale signs the A ain't what it used t/b?
2. Wants you to pave the way for him to brink her Oinkness
to meet the family.

3. Is a major conflict avoider and needs your help to enable
his A (like #2).

4. He is stupid.

All of the above..... and then some. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.