WOW, i wished i had found this site sooner. I have been reading all the post a source of great help. Bio says it all really, H had an A, she ened it, lol i guess he was heartbroken, I love him, our kids need him at home . We really cannot maek it apart, money wise. He is nice to me, at times he keeps his distance, he works alot, money is really tight for us, we haev alot of bills etc, I feel sometimes that he is working so much so he does not have to spend time with me, he is cold to me at times, he hardly looks at me when he talks to me. in bed he is like his old self, back rubs before falling asleep each night, we have sex 2 or 3 times a week, sometimes its oral sex, i hope that is not too much info, I have been noghting but kind to him, i guess i have been trying to be a stepford wife, making sure the house kids are perfect. But now, i find myself thinking that Do i love him or Am i in love with the memory of what once was? How do i tell. I kep thinking that if OW had not ened A he would not be here, If she would haev lefted her H to be with him, that is where he would be now.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. It makes no difference who ended the affair, just so it is over. With an on-going affair, the marriage doesn't have a chance.

You are in an excellent position to have a marriage that is much better than before. I hope you will read all of the information here. It will really help you.

It is too early for him to show much remorse or be that excited about working on the marriage, but that will happen.

nellie, get your hands on Surviving an Affair and HIs Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It will be important to find out why your H had an affair so you can repair your marriage and these books will help you tremendously.

Has all contact ended with the OW? Does her H know about about the affair?

A really good MB link about infidelity: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

I made sure OWH found out, that is when it stopped. And yes no contact is going on, H may want to talk to her, but she ended it, it was just a fling to her, but it meant more to my H. She met his needs, alot of things was going on when the A started, major stress in our marriage new job, death of a parent, just alot things like that. OW hubby makes good money they have small children as well, my H could not afford to keep her in the lifestyle she is use to, We are all the same age.

Keep reading here. Check out the emotional needs questionnaire. Men's top needs are usually sex and admiration - sometimes domestic support. Try to start meeting his top ones.

It is also suggested that you spend 15 hours a week doing fun things together.