I get a call from WW who tells me be honest and tell me that I have been a good Mom b/c she got her D papers in the mail. My attorney asked me alot of questions about her. He put in the papers that Im concerne with Other men coming around my DD and that her angry outburst may cause WW to have a dicipline issue towards DD. WW was very angry I told her I don't do divorce and im only about Marriage.
Remember your Mantra. You are about the M. The lawyers are about the D. You don't know exactly what the Lawyer is going to do. You leave that up to his / her expertise.
WW again went inot what was written on the D papers and told me I was being vindictive, I told her I don't want a D she said why are you making up lies I said I did not lie attorneys can twist your words I did tell her I told my attorney that she has angry outburst and their has been pyhsical abuse on her part.
You are not being vindictive. You told your side of the story to your lawyer and he did his job.
I also asked her how does DD benfit opening xmas presents with me not being there, WW replies I don't want you in my apt thats how.
Now who's being vindictive? Hmmm...
WW hangs up and then calls me back and she again tells me about the D I told her you are my wife and until we are D why dont you act accordingly. WW replied no im not.
We all know the truth. She just wants to deny it. Typical WS FOG BABBLE. Give it at the consideration it is worth.
WW said to me that I can not have DD tomorrow and that DD is going to mothers and I can get her on xmas after she opens her gifts.
She is still being vindictive. She will use DD as a pawn to exert control over you! Does this sound like the actions of a good mother?
I was busy at work I got a text from her saying " your 2nd marriage look in the mirror. and Im going to tell them about your homosexuality tendancies. I called her back and said what are you talking about she replies remember when DD was 7 months old and you left porn on the computer it was a web site that has all sorts of stuff on it shootings porn even funny stuff. I never watched porn infront of my DD and I told her it wasn't anything to do with homosexuality and she says it doesnt matter.
She's just spewing more venom again and trying to control you with implied threats. She knows that this woun't hold up in court.
I get another text from her saying call me ASAP. I call her back and she doesn't sound good. WW tells me I can come over at 7:30 am on xmas day to watch DD open presents and says promise me you wont talk about marriage or Divorce I said ok, I promise.
Look! Did you see that? That was your W speaking. She's still in there. We just need to coax her out more often.
I asked if she is ok she says no and begans to cry and says her mother and father came over to her apt to pick DD up and her father would not look at her and left the room.
You've just picked up some very powerful allies in the fight to save your M. Horray for FIL & MIL! Be sure to thank them for their support.
I told her why dont you talk to me I know we have made some mistakes and if you could open yourself up to me we can get through this it will be hard but it can be done.
That's right! Excellent! Show her the way home! Remind her that it IS there.
She did listen and then went on to say why did you get my parents involved they have nothing to do with our relationship and you did it to brake up my family and I need to apologize to them.
You said exactly the right thing and she knows it to be the truth (even if she's not yet ready to admit it to herself).
WW says one thing and then a totally diffrent thing.
Typical WS stuff, Pay attention to their actions. Not so much to their words. Remember what I said about lieing?
Im a little nervous about Xmas is she sofenting or is she have some sort of motive?
I'm sure that it is both. Things in fantasy land may not be going as well as she wants. The exposeure is putting strain on the OM. He will have to spend a great deal of time with his W to insulate her for the truth of what is going on. Her motive? It may be nothing more that to put on an act that she is a good mother. Watch her actions rather than listen to her words.
I do believe she thought I was not going to get an attorney and she was going to have her way and i would just sign. is this starting to hit her.
Yes, it is starting to hit her. She was fantasizing that you were just going to cave in and make this easy for her. This little peek at reality is really disturbing to her.
I don't like seeing her like this I would like some advice I would like to tell her that there have been alot worst marriages than ours that have surveyed.
No one wants to see the ones we love go through this. The problem is that HER choices have brought her to this position. We have to wait for her to realize that it was her poor choices that brought her to this position. Sometimes it's a long wait. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
They really like to play with your emotions all the time. I have to stand tall to get through this mess.
Yes they do and they are quite skilled at it. And Yes you do have to stand tall to get through this.
She also told me today this could of been easy and Im making it difficult.
Yes, she is correct. You could have made it easy (for her, not you or DD). And you are making more difficult (for her). Notice that her central concern is for herself. NOT you or DD. This is a very typical thought process for the WS. We like to refer to it as the me!me!me! mode.
Did she want it to be easy so she did not have to face the consequences and I was suppose to just agree with what ever she wanted.
YES, Of Course! Remember that this is HER fantasy. No reality need apply. Remember that she will do almost anything to avoid facing the consequences of her choices.
What is going on in her mind????
Boy, If I could truthfully answer that one! But here is my guess: She wants you to be "around" to drop of DD whenever she needs to meet up with the current OM. She wants your financal support to pay for it, and she wants you available to spew her venom at when she's upset. She wants to be able to do this and retain the title of "Super Mom"
Sorry for being so blunt about the last comment. Your WW needs a real reality check and I'm afraid that it is coming due soon. She needs to break out of this me! mentality before she can work on the M.
BTW: I'm really glad that you posted last night & this morning. Did you see the news wire from Boston? The first reports sounded scarily familar. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Stay Strong!